Page 35 of Fighting the Tide
Thankfully, the train station is only ten minutes from Columbia, and the rest of the drive is spent in relative silence.I watch as the buildings pass me by; the sidewalks littered with garbage bins and bags, and the crowds moving along at a breakneck speed, all of them with a destination in mind.The only thing that matters here in New York is getting from A to B.No one takes their time to enjoy the in-between.All that matters is leaving A and arriving at B in the shortest amount of time.When I first came here, I must have been a bit of a menace to the pedestrians because I strolled.I took in all of my surroundings, and most of the time, you’d find me standing in the center of the sidewalk, gawking at some building.Skyscrapers were new to me and the ones you find here in New York City literally kiss the clouds.So yeah, for the first few months, I caused severe traffic jams in the center of people’s B destination.
“Here we are.”The cab driver pulls up in front of the train station, his fingers still drumming along the steering wheel.
“Thank you.”I hand him a twenty and get out of the car.He pops the trunk, then leans over the center console to yell out to me.
“Have fun back home!”
“Yeah,” I mumble as the thought of going back home once again sends a mix of emotions through me.Maybe my heart will get lucky and Brooke won’t even be there, and all of this apprehension warring with anticipation will be nothing but a waste of my energy.
I carry my suitcase into the train station and head to the desk, eyeing the attractive, middle-aged woman sitting behind it.She has her auburn hair up in some fancy twist on the back of her head, and when she looks at me, she has a stunning pair of green eyes.I won’t lie, I haven’t been celibate here in New York.I’ve had my fair share of dates and I’ve been living my best college life, but it would shock my mother to know that some of those dates were with women just a few years younger than her.
Nothing has been serious, though.None of the first dates became seconds, and I think I’ve preferred it to be that way.Maybe that was part of their allure and what I was attracted to.The emotionally unavailable.That’s how I would describe myself nowadays; emotionally unavailable.Or it’s emotionally vacant, emotionally void, downright broken and disturbed.That might be a better explanation.
I buy my ticket with minimal flirting, an accomplishment if I do say so myself.One that lately I would deem deserves a pat on the back.I’ve become a serial flirter and I always get what I want.It’s rare that I see a woman of that caliber and not turn on the charm.I think the prospect of going back to Cape Cod has taken away my gusto for the prospect of sex though.
Dropping my suitcase to the floor, I take a seat at the end of a row and reach into the front flap to pull out a book I’ve been reading.I don’t even get to crack the spine before I hear my name.
“Nolan?”I don’t look up because the voice is one I know very well, and the husky tone takes me back about ten months.The book in my hands begins to tremble as my anxiety shoots through the roof.I’m not ready to face anyone from Chatham yet, I thought I had hours to prepare for it.“Nolan, is that you?”
When it’s very clear she’s not going away, I slowly raise my head and look up into a pair of dark brown eyes and a face framed with unruly blonde hair.“Hey, Cassie.”
“Wow!What are the odds that we would see each other in New York City?”I look down to find a duffel bag in her hand and chuckle dryly while shaking my head.
“It’s kismet, for sure.I didn’t know you were going to school in New York.”When she takes the seat beside me, I bite my lip to stop the groan sitting right at the tip of my tongue.
“Right?It’s like… meant to be!I go to NYU.I’m still undecided, but I figure at least I’m in school, right?”She shrugs her shoulders, making her blonde curls bounce with the motion.
“Right.”I decide to slip my book back into my suitcase because I know just how much of a talker Cassie is.There’s no way in hell I’m going to have peace while sitting in this station, waiting for the train to Providence to come in.
“How’s Columbia?”She begins to twirl a blonde curl around her finger as her head tips toward me, the dark brown of her eyes nearly glowing as she stares into mine.
“It’s actually going well.You know, this is my first time going home since I left last summer.”Now it’s my turn to watch her closely, scrutinizing her face for any sort of reaction to what happened last summer.Especially since she was the one who tried to stop me when I stormed through Brooke’s house and out to the pool house, but Cassie surprises me when she gives me a small nod and a sympathetic smile.
“I don’t blame you for that,” she murmurs as she looks around the train station, and for a second, my heart picks up and I’m doing the same thing, looking for blonde beachy waves and a pair of hazel eyes that could melt the coldest ice.Then she turns back to face me and bites her bottom lip, almost as if she’s unsure of what she should say.“She didn’t end up going to college.”
I know whosheis.I know exactly who it is.So I’m even more surprised as my eyebrows hit my hairline.Brooke’s parents paid a handsome sum for their daughter to attend college.I remember her telling me that, and the fact that she didn’t go must be another sore spot in their already crumbling relationship.“Really.”It’s more of a statement than a question, but Cassie takes it how she wants and runs with it.
“Yeah.I was excited about our first year of college.We would party it up together, and you know…”—she gives me a sheepish look—“dating boys in frat houses.”Her words kind of blur together as I stare at her in shock, because if I understand what she’s telling me, then surely something is not adding up here.By the sounds of it, Brooke was supposed to go to NYU with Cassie, which would put her in the same city as me, but that can’t be right because last summer Brooke begged me to stay home.She didn’t want me coming to New York for fear that I would cheat on her, which is a little ironic now that I think about it and what she did to me, but it also doesn’t make any sense unless she knew she wasn’t going to college.
“Why didn’t she go?”I find myself asking before I can even stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth.Brooke has always been a weak point for me and I could never really control myself when it came to her, so I’m not shocked that hasn’t changed.
“To be honest, I’m not sure,” Cassie replies, her head tipping down to look at her hands in her lap.“After what happened between you guys, Brooke wasn’t doing so well.I think she like… became depressed, and maybe her parents kept her home because she was partying a little too hard with the wrong people.”I know she’s holding back.I can tell by the way her words are measured and spoken slowly, which is so vastly different from her normal speech.
“I see.”I nod as I stand, the announcement of our train coming over the speaker.“Well, it was nice to see you, Cassie.”I bend down to pick up my suitcase, and I truly do mean to walk away, but somehow the women of Chatham burrow their claws so deep under my skin that it’s almost painful when I’m too far out of reach.
“Don’t be silly!”she scoffs with a high-pitched giggle.“We’re going to the same place.Let’s sit together.”
It was worth a try, I tell myself as I follow behind her, dragging my feet.This will be the longest train ride to Providence, and the trip won’t even be over at that point.We’ll still need to take a bus from there to Cape Cod.The upside to all of this?Maybe hearing more about Brooke and what Cassie is hiding to protect her friend because no matter how broken my heart is, I want to know what she’s been up to.I can’t see Brooke’s parents wasting the money they paid to get her into NYU, and it would benefit them if their daughter was at least appearing to be successful.She’d also be out of their house and out of their hair.Not that they put too much effort into being parents.
We board the train and pick our seats, Cassie diving for the window and dragging me into the seat beside her.I don’t fight it, even though I want to snatch my arm back and snap at her for touching me like we’re old friends.Last I remember, she knew exactly what Brooke was doing while we were in a relationship and turned a blind eye to it.
“Tell me about Columbia.Is it hard?”She’s asking me if college is hard and that says so much about how her year has been going.It must be nice to have mommy and daddy’s money to cushion your less-than-stellar grades.
“It’s challenging, but I’m enjoying it,” I mumble as I settle into the seat.
“You always did like a challenge, didn’t you, Nolan?Even when the easier path was right in front of you, you just had to forge your own.”I can’t see her facial expression because she’s facing away from me and looking out the window, but I can hear her tone just fine.
“And what paths did I forge on my own, Cassie?Brooke?”I tip my head to the side and raise a brow, keeping my voice even.I’ve become a little more direct in the last ten months, no longer pussy-footing around issues because it has done me no favors in the past.
