Page 33 of Fighting the Tide

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I open the door to find people from our high school and tourists mingling along her stairs and into the kitchen.That’s where I find Cassie, her tongue so far down Kasen’s throat that my eyes roll into the back of my head with disgust.My feet lead me straight to her, but then when I look outside the patio door, my eyes land on that pool house.The tug in my chest appears again, telling me that’s where I need to go.

I walk by Cassie, our eyes meeting briefly as her skin pales and her mouth drops open.She pushes Kasen aside and takes a few steps toward me, but I’m already nearly at the patio door.

“Nolan!Don’t go out there!”Cassie calls out as I storm through the house, my boots hitting the wooden floors with loud thuds.My hands curl into fists at my sides and my teeth clench painfully as I prepare myself for what I know has been brewing for months.“Nolan!”she gives one more shout, then finally gives up.

Brooke Eastham’s home is like a labyrinth of bodies, but I follow the invisible force pulling me to that pool house.This place screams wealth and prestige, something I only know by association, but it also weeps with despair and loneliness.

I bypass the people swimming, the girls squealing as guys throw them into the water, and I leave behind the scent of cigarettes and marijuana as I stand in front of that pool house door, feeling the eyes of others on the back of my head.I already know what I’m going to find, it’s just a matter of needing the proof for the days I feel weak and filled with doubt.

I pull open the door, and at first, all I really see is the thick plume of smoke as it hangs heavy in the small space, but then it slowly dissipates as two forms appear.Skin slick with perspiration and the sounds of damp bodies pressing together in a heated dance of lust are proof enough, but the masochist in me needs more.I step inside just as Brooke’s eyes open and she looks at me over the guy’s shoulder, her hand gripping his near-white hair.She gives me a slow, taunting smile, but all I can really see is the flex of his buttocks as he continues to drive into her.

“I guess you were right,” she says, making the guy between her legs halt and his head to turn to look over his shoulder.His bright blue eyes narrow in on me, so similar to my own as I back up.

“Close the door, will ya?”he calls out and turns back to Brooke, his hand gripping her thigh and pulling it tighter around his waist.

“No problem,” I say as I close the door, letting thesnickreverberate inside my skull.I walk back into the house and past Cassie who watches me with a strange expression of satisfaction and hope.I’m almost tempted to take her up on every offer she’s ever thrown my way, but I know it wouldn’t be fair to her to be used as an instrument of revenge.

With my heart safely encased in the stone I’ve built around it, I leave Brooke Eastham’s house and everyone inside behind me, and face forward, starting on the path to the rest of my life.

I yank up the last weed in the driveway and fill the last pothole with gravel, packing it in so the driveway is somewhat more level.I stand up to dust off my hands as I tip my face to the sky.It’s been two days since I caught Brooke wrapped around Sean Clark, and I decided staying in Chatham any longer than I have to would just be torture.I’ve booked my bus ride to Providence and then the train ticket from there to New York for tomorrow, but before I leave, I need to somehow convince Darren to keep my father away from my mother.

I walk to the end of the driveway, preparing to take that same path to Avery’s house when something catches my eye in the mailbox.The mailman has already come and gone this morning, so I’m a little apprehensive of what I’ll find when I open the flap.My fingers tremble as I grip the faded paint surface and pull it open to reveal a thick envelope sitting inside.The second I wrap my hand around it, I know it’s money.My mouth runs dry when I realize exactly who has given this to me and my suspicions are only confirmed when I see the handwriting on the front of the envelope.My name is printed on its surface as if the pen was dug into the paper in angry strokes.I turn the envelope over and there on the flap in the same handwriting are three words that nearly bring me to my knees.

For your mother.

I rip it open and peer inside at the crisp one-hundred-dollar bills.Ten stacks are elasticized neatly, telling me there’s exactly ten thousand dollars.I should get in my truck and drive to her house and throw each stack back at her, demanding that she stay out of my life, but I can’t do that.This gift is more precious than anything I’ve ever been given because it’ll assure me that my mother will never be harmed, and no amount of shame could force me to turn my back on that.

I continue on the path I was going to take before I discovered the envelope in the mailbox, and now instead of having to beg Darren to appeal to his humanity, I have the means to pay him to do what I want.My feet drag along the gravel as the hot sun beats down over my shoulders, my thin T-shirt long saturated with sweat.As soon as I drop this money off, I’m going to head straight to the beach and take one final swim before I say goodbye to the tumultuous waters of my life.

I find Avery sitting on her front steps, a glass of lemonade in her hand as she watches me approach.Her hair is in a messy bun on top of her head, and with one look at her face, I can see she knows everything that happened a few nights ago.

“Hey!”she calls out as she slowly stands.“How are you?”I’m long past niceties as I hand her the envelope and watch her eyes widen as she peers inside.“What is this?”

“Please give that to your brother.It’s what my father owed him and others, and it ensures that my mother stays safe while I’m not here.”I know Avery will do as I ask because she knows just what my mother’s protection means to me, so she nods and tucks the envelope into the back of her pants, pulling her shirt down to cover it.

“Wanna come inside for dinner?We’re having corn on the cob and crab.”Her brow shifts in question as her fingers tighten around the glass of lemonade.I should walk away and leave every attachment behind, but this is Avery, my very best friend.

“On one condition,” I tell her as I tuck my hands into my jeans pockets.

“Anything,” she promises with a small smile.

“We never speak about Brooke Eastham ever again, and I don’t just mean until I leave tomorrow, I mean for the rest of our lives.”

“Easy enough,” she says with a smile and then turns to lead me into her house.

I wish I had her confidence because what’s easy for her is going to be excruciating for me.

Part Two

College

Playlist

College Playlist - 1996-2000

“I Want You” - Savage Garden

“Bitter Sweet Symphony” - The Verve