Page 97 of Fighting the Tide
I drop Avery and Elijah off back home just as the sun sets, with still no word from Monica or the hospital.I’ve been reminding myself all day that they’re busy and a paternity test isn’t high on their priority list, but I am on the brink of a meltdown.
The stars are beginning to blink overhead as I pull into my driveway and head inside the cottage.I have to admit that it’s beginning to feel more like a home than it ever has, and if I have to leave, it will be hard to put it all behind me.As soon as I close the front door, my eyes skip to the small bar in the corner, the half drank whiskey bottle tempting me with its amber liquid.I would like nothing more than to sink into a drunken stupor and forget the worries plaguing me, but for some reason I ignore it.Maybe a night of sitting on the back porch and watching the waves is a better idea.It’ll give me the space I need to think and reflect on everything I have running through my mind.
Avery is right.I have a mountain of guilt inside of me that I have to deal with before facing those results.Brooke’s death is not what’s weighing me down.It’s the fact that I didn’t fight for her tolive.I made a promise to her on top of that lighthouse that I would make sure she lived, but I let it go after I left for college.Yes, she hurt me.Her betrayal is still a healing scar on my soul, but I gave her my word.She should’ve known she was worth more than Sean Clark, she was worth more than her parents, and she was worth more than the reputation others had of her.
I should have made the time to remind her of that worth instead of trying to do it through my love for her.Her worth wasn’t dependent on our relationship, and that’s where I failed.In the same breath, I need to let that go because keeping Brooke happy and alive wasn’t my job.It was hers.Ultimately, she was the captain of her ship and for the last twenty years, she’s been the captain of mine as well.
I fall into the chair on the back porch and watch the waves, wondering if Brooke sees everything that’s happening.Does she hate me for how I feel about her daughter?I would hope that she remembers the type of boy I was and sees that I’m still him as a man.I want to believe that she would approve of me.My eyes find the lighthouse in the distance and my chest gives a faint pulse, making me smile.Is that a sign from her?Does she want me to head out there and confront her death in the very space I begged her to live?
It’s taken me a very long time to be able to even think of her without sadness, so to sit here and smile at the thought of my dead ex-girlfriend is a bit of a shock.It’s growth, and it’s forgiveness.I’m forgiving myself for leaving her here and I’m forgiving her for hiding so much from me.She had her reasons and I have to face the fact that I may never know what they were.Brooke lived her life how she wanted to, and the things that happened were not my fault.
A cool breeze skates by my face, bringing with it the scent of the ocean and reminding me of the woman who has a death grip on my heart.We can’t control who we love.I have proof of that now, and I can’t blame Brooke for how she felt about me and Sean.I have to take solace in the fact that I gave her happiness and comfort when she found herself alone.I made sure she was loved when she felt like no one cared.There’s no denying I made her life a little more bearable when I could.
I have to be at peace with how things turned out, and it’s time I buried my guilt with my past.Moving on means I can have a clear mind as I enter this next chapter of my life, a chapter that will no doubt include Colette.
With a lighter heart and a clearer head, I head back inside and fall on the couch, taking my phone out of my pocket and placing it on the table in front of me.No messages from the hospital or Monica, and even though the thought of receiving them still sends anxiety through me, I feel saner about the entire situation.
After a few hours of Netflix and nearly dozing off on the couch, my phone begins to ring, startling me back to reality.When I see her name on the screen, my heart crashes up to my throat and then straight down to the pit of my stomach.Did the hospital call her first?Is she calling to tell me I’m her father?
“Hello?”I croak out as I pick up the phone, and my ear is quickly assaulted by loud music and chatter as I hold it away from my ear for a second before placing it back.“Colette?”
“Hi!”she yells, the noise making me cringe.“What are you up to?”
“Are you at a bar?”I sit up straighter, my body going on full alert.She can’t be at a bar.Everyone here in Chatham knows she’s underage.
“I’m drunk,” she whispers into the phone, her words cracking up a bit.
“Where are you?”I stand and stride for the door, grabbing my keys off the counter along the way.
“I’m with my friends in Harwich.You can’t come because they’ll think you’re my dad coming to put me in time out.”She snorts at her own joke as I lock up the cottage and head for the Range Rover.
“Your father is dead.What bar?”I start the vehicle and pull out of the driveway as she gasps into the phone.
“He is dead,” she agrees, and then the music dies down as the wind replaces the sound.“Are you actually coming to get me?We didn’t get any results yet.”
“We don’t need results for me to make sure you get home okay,” I snap, my irritation bleeding through every word.
“Are you mad at me?”She sounds small as she asks, her voice filled with worry.
“No,” I exhale loudly and press my foot on the gas.It makes me nervous that she’s out of town and inebriated with a bunch of people I don’t know.It’s making me feel like I may lose her, too.“Just stay put and don’t go anywhere.”
I pass the town sign into Harwich and head to the main strip, keeping an eye out for long, beachy hair and legs for days.“I can see you,” she breathes out just as I spot her leaning against the wall of the bar, her phone to her ear.
My foot eases off the gas as the air leaves my lungs in a loudwhoosh.She’s wearing a short leather skirt and a tight white tank top, the ensemble not leaving much to the imagination.She has a pair of black combat boots on to finish the outfit, but it only adds to the sexy appeal of the rest.Lust and anger rise like a hurricane inside of me, threatening to rip apart anyone who has put their eyes on her tonight.
I pull up to the curb in front of her as she slowly saunters toward my vehicle, her pace irritatingly unhurried.I open the window and glare at her.“Get in,” I growl.
She’s unperturbed by my tone and the clear aggravation as she grins and opens the door.“Am I grounded?”Her husky tone has me hardening instantly, and it only serves to irritate me more.She climbs up in the seat as her flowery scent fills the vehicle and leans back to stare at me.“I drank a little too much.”
“How did you get into this bar?”I question as I stare out the window at the name.The Golden Crown.I will be calling the owner about security tomorrow morning.
“I have a fake ID,” she proclaims loudly, something she looks extremely proud of.“I can’t use it in Chatham, obviously, but no one knows me here!”She digs into the small purse wrapped across her body and pulls out her wallet, flipping it open to show me the ID.“Looks real, huh?”
It’s a slap in the face, to be honest.A stunning reminder of just how young she is.Not even legal.“Where are these friends you came with?”I ask as I wait for someone, anyone, to come out the door looking for her.
“Inside.”She waves it off.“They’re all getting sloppy and I was over it.”I should be happy with that.It should be reassuring that she called me instead of getting blackout drunk at a bar with a bunch of young adults, but all I can see and smell is her, and it’s hard to get past that.The second she hopped in my vehicle, something primal washed over me, and now all I see is prey.
My prey.
