Page 84 of Fighting the Tide
“You should come with me.Just to make sure I’m okay, you know?”she suggests, and I can’t deny how badly I want to do that because I know just how dangerous those beach parties can be.I know firsthand how quickly it can go from a bonfire to a suicide attempt, and the thought has me frozen there on the first step as I watch her slowly begin to walk away again.
My feet hit the sand as I pull the hood of my sweater up over my head.Thankfully, I decided to put this on to be a little more comfortable when I got home earlier.It’ll work in my favor now as I follow the new bane of my existence along the beach.She keeps a few paces in front of me, but she knows I’m here because she looks around every now and then, her giggle floating back to caress my face in the wind.I’m being stupid and irrational.Nothing about this is sane, but the longer I’m in her presence, the easier it is to forget that we could very well share blood.It’s wrong, I know that.It’s disgusting and depraved, but it’s the truth.
The sounds of the party grow louder and I can see the dance of flames in the distance.If I close my eyes, I can almost traverse back twenty years and it’s as if nothing’s changed.My mother and father are back at the cottage, fighting about money and alcohol, Avery and Monica will be up ahead, dancing to the same tune of flirting and then ignoring each other the next day, and Brooke will be there, her hair a messy mane of waves around her head and her eyes filled with sorrow.
I open my eyes and force myself to be here in the present and not lose my mind to the traumas of my past.I look around to find youthful faces with red cups in their hands, filled with cheap keg beer, and their laughter is almost contagious, the sounds bringing a small smile to my mouth.Colette has already made her way to the keg and fills up two cups.She’s only there for less than a minute when a young man approaches her.His hand lands at the small of her back, his fingers teasing the thin material of her sweater up over the waistband of her shorts.My vision begins to pulse as I watch the scene unfold.
He leans in, the smile along his mouth suggestive and his eyes glossy with alcohol and whatever else he’s consumed.I can’t see Colette’s reaction because her back is to me, but I notice her body stiffening with the contact of his hand.It’s enough for me as I stride toward them and work my way through the crowd.
“Hey!Who invited their dad?”someone says as I pass the bonfire.It’s a sign that I shouldn’t be here, but it’s too late for that now.I reach the keg and work my body between them, my eyes meeting Colette’s and finding relief there in their depths.
“Hey, are you getting a drink?”the guy asks as I turn on him, heat working its way from my stomach to my limbs.
“Get lost,” I growl, the sound feral and territorial and so very foreign to me.I wish I could say it’s some newly found, fatherly instinct, but that would be utter bullshit.I don’t want his hands on her, I don’t want him anywhere near her, and it has nothing to do with protecting her and everything to do with the fact that I’m insanely jealous.
He raises his hands slowly as he takes a few steps back.I really shouldn’t be out here intimidating children when I’m built thicker than them and they don’t stand a fucking chance.“Down, killer.”Colette’s voice serenades my fucking eardrums as she steps in front of me, drawing my eyes away from the kid and back onto her.She hands me a cup and I already know it’s going to taste like warm piss, but I guzzle it down anyway.She whistles and takes my cup, replacing it with her own, and walks back to the keg, but this time I don’t dare leave her alone.I fear if someone else tries to pick her up or put their hands on her, I’ll be a convicted murderer by morning.
I stand directly behind her as she refills the cup, her ocean scent tickling my senses.She turns and looks up at me, tipping the cup of beer to her lips and taking a sip.There’s been nothing more fascinating and I can’t stop myself from eating up each movement.Then I’m hit with another shot of disgust and take a step back to clear my head of her scent.The whiskey and cheap beer combo is fucking with my head.
Bringing the cup to my mouth, I take another look around the beach, and that’s when I notice some curious eyes on us.Thankfully, my hood is still in place, but they’re not really looking at me.Colette seems to be the center of quite a few stares and it’s ramping up my irrational jealousy again.“Do you hang out here often?”I ask as I turn to find her looking at me over the rim of her cup.She gives me a noncommittal shrug, sending a flare of anger through me.“Are they locals?”
“Some.”Her dimples make an appearance again as she smirks.“Why?”
“They’re looking at you,” I snap and turn my head to find the guy from earlier watching us with an irritated scowl on his face.“Who’s that guy?”
“Jeremy Daniels.He lives here from April to August.”Her voice rings with a bit of amusement, but nothing about this is funny.
“Have you slept with him?”I’m almost as shocked as she is when I ask, regret for even uttering the words sending my stomach flipping.
“Are you acting like an overprotective father who’s just found out his daughter isn’t a virgin?”she mock-whispers, then laughs.“You’re not my father, Nolan, and I am nineteen.I’ve experienced a few tumbles in the hay.”
“Oh my god,” I groan, and then follow her to the water, my heart pounding in my chest.There was nothing fatherly about that question.In fact, I want her to make a list of all the guys she’s been in thehaywith so I can dump their bodies in the ocean.
A girl tugs her in for a hug and hands her a bottle of tequila as we pass, the amber liquid swirling in the bottle.It’s clear that Colette is a frequent partier here on the beach and I don’t know how to feel about that.“Let’s get our asses wet and take shots,” she suggests as she sits in the darker sand, the grains saturated with water.
There’s no way I’m taking shots of tequila, but I sit on the sand beside her anyway and take a sip from my cup of disgusting beer.It reminds me of the kegs Darren used to buy for me and Avery when we were in high school.“You’re not even legal,” I point out, making her laugh.
“Age is nothing but a number, Nolan.I have experienced more than any nineteen-year-old should.”Her words go from being filled with mirth to slightly dejected, and I turn to look at her as she stares out at the water.“Alcohol was something I found solace in while I was in middle school, if you can believe it.”She unscrews the tequila bottle and places the cap in her sweater pocket before tipping the bottle to her mouth.My eyes are riveted on the motion of her throat as it works around each swallow.
“Tell me about your life.”I finish the beer in my cup and crush it, also placing it in my pocket.The tourists may not have the same love as us for this beach and choose to litter, but the locals don’t.
“Only if you take a shot,” she demands, handing me the bottle.Just the smell of the foul contents has my stomach rolling, but if this will make her tell me more, then I’ll down the entire thing.I take the shot and pass it back as she snickers.“That was a pussy shot.”
“Talk,” I growl, making her laugh again.
“I was bullied pretty badly and my grandparents had to move me around a lot.I’ve been all over the States and even spent a year in Sweden.My eyes were funny looking, I was too tall, and my favorite, I was too serious.”She takes another drink from the bottle and shrugs.“They didn’t understand that I was parentless and basically unloved.”
“I’m so sorry,” I murmur as I think of the child she was and how lonely she must’ve been.
“Don’t be, Nolan.Don’t you dare feel guilty.I was not your responsibility.”But what if you were?I want to ask as she continues.“My grandparents pretty much disappeared after my mother died.They couldn’t face this town without her in it.I think it was more because they didn’t want to face their failures with her.”
“I agree,” I tell her as she hands me the bottle.“They were absentee parents, for the most part.”
“Can you tell me about her?My mother?What was she like back then?I have photos and some home videos, but nothing else.My nanny who raised me knew her well and told me about how strong-willed she was, and that she always stayed true to herself.Is that true, Nolan?”Her eyes sparkle with curiosity as I bring the bottle to my mouth.How do I describe Brooke to her daughter when she was the woman who ripped my heart out of my chest?
“She was a free spirit,” I begin as I hand the bottle back.“She was mysterious and alluring, and anyone who found themselves the center of her affection instantly became addicted.She had her ups and downs and she also struggled with insecurities, but she had strength too.She was fearless and vulnerable at the same time, a walking contradiction.”She’s listening intently, her focus on my face as I look out over the water.“I loved her for all of it.”
“Do you still love her?Do you still love my mother after knowing what she did and who my father is?”She takes another shot and I’m suddenly jealous of the glass as her full lips wrap around it.
