Page 7 of Fighting the Tide
I lift my leg and slowly swing it over the bar as my other foot loses traction, the squeak from my shoe loud as I fight with the bar, holding on for dear life.A crack of thunder sounds throughout the night sky, creating a symphony with Brooke’s screams as she grabs onto my sweater and yanks me toward her.I tumble over and into her, both of us hitting the wooden planks and rolling toward the exterior wall of the lighthouse.Our legs are a tangled mess, but we’re safe and still alive.My eyes burn as tears roll down and mingle with rainwater along my cheeks, but I don’t care.I’m alive.
Brooke eases her body out from under mine and sits back against the wall of the lighthouse, dropping her face into her hands as I pull myself up and sit beside her.“You’re psychotic, Nolan,” she says, her words muffled and eaten up by the sound of the rain as it hits the roof of the lighthouse.
“Make me a promise, Brooke,” I demand as I grab her chin in my hand and force her to drop her hands to look at me.“If you’re ever feeling like you don’t want to live, come find me.Do you understand?”Her lips begin to tremble, the soft pink slowly bleeding into a light blue with the chilly air and cold rain.“Promise me.”
“I promise,” she croaks out as I release her and fall back against the lighthouse.“Thank you,” she mutters.The words are low, but I hear every decibel.I let my head drop back against the wood and close my eyes as the rain sprays along my heated skin, forcing sobriety back into my bones.
I hear the crinkle of a packet and then the flick of a lighter as the scent of tobacco drifts toward me.
“Those will kill you too.”I look at her from the corner of my eye as she shrugs a shoulder, her gaze riveted on the moon above us.
“We’re all playing the dying game.It’s nothing but a race to the end.”
Chapter Four
Forprettymuchallof Saturday and Sunday I felt like I was dying.Not only was I hungover, but I had the worst case of the sniffles.I guess being up in a lighthouse during a rainstorm, on a cold spring night, will do that.Maybe it was a blessing because the cold masked the hangover and I didn’t have to witness the disappointment on my mother’s face.I should know better.I’ve seen what alcohol does to the people who have to endure it.I’ve seen what it does to my mother.
I somehow make it out of the house and walk along the dirt path to where I usually meet Avery.I hadn’t seen her all weekend, and when Brooke and I came down from the lighthouse, everyone had left the bonfire.Naturally, since it was pissing down rain.I hope she doesn’t think I ditched her there with a bunch of people she didn’t want to chill with in the first place, but I won’t know until I get to our spot and find it empty.Soon I’m walking over gravel as I adjust my backpack on my shoulders, keeping my eyes on the stones as I kick them aside.The thought of looking up and not seeing my best friend there is irrationally filling me with anxiety.She’s really the only friend I have and nothing else is worth losing her over.
“We’re going to be late for the bus if you keep walking like that.”Her voice shatters through my fears and my head snaps up to smile at her.
“On a scale of one to ten, how mad at me are you?”I ask as we fall in line and start walking toward the bus stop.
“Like a four.”She shrugs and looks at me from the side of her eye.“Not really mad.I was just kind of worried for a bit, but then I noticed both you and Brooke were missingafteryou made out with Cassie, and I just kind of put two and two together.”She shrugs again, the movement meant to relay her nonchalance, but I know there’s something there in her tone.
“I was with Brooke,” I admit because I refuse to lie to Avery but, in the same thought, it’s not my place to tell her exactly what happened.“But not how you think.”
“So you weren’t losing your virginity to Brooke Eastham on the beach like some cliché summer movie?”She rolls her eyes and kicks at the gravel, the stones skipping and skating along the pavement up ahead.
“Not even close.”I laugh and tuck my thumbs into the straps of my backpack as the bus stop looms up ahead.“Did you know Brooke was dating David MacNeill?”
“Ew!No way!”Avery mock gags to the side.“He’s like three years older than her and I heard he slept with half of the school.”
“Yeah, well, she was upset Friday night because she had found out he cheated on her at college.That’s why I invited her to the beach and why I disappeared.”It’s enough of the truth to satisfy her curiosity, but not the whole truth to betray Brooke’s trust.“What happened once I left the bonfire?”
“Nothing,” Avery answers quickly as she picks up the pace toward the bus stop.
I watch as her dark hair swings back and forth in her low ponytail as she strides ahead, her shoulders straight and the long column of her neck tense.Her reaction has me flicking through the images of what happened that night, especially around the fire, and my eyes widen when I remember how cozy she and Monica looked.“Hey!”I call out and jog to catch up to her.“Why are you walking so fast?”
“Look at the sky, Sears.”She points out as she continues to look straight ahead.“It’s going to rain.”We get to the bus stop and step under this small fiberglass shelter, my eyes never leaving the side of her face.I watch her as she stares straight ahead, her ears slowly turning red and her eyes barely blinking.“Why are you staring at me?”
“You’re acting weird.”I reach out and flick her ear, her hand coming up to cup it with a growl.Her eyes finally land on mine, narrowed and irritated.“Why are you acting weird, Avery?”
“I’m just a weird person.”She takes a couple of steps away from me, putting her ear out of the distance of my fingers, and I let her as I turn and lean against the shelter wall, crossing my arms over my chest.I continue to watch her as she hooks her thumbs into the straps of her backpack and her cheeks slowly gather the flush that’s been spreading from her ears.
“I told you about my night after I left the bonfire.Why don’t you tell me what happened while you stayed at the bonfire?”Her jaw tenses and she opens her mouth just as the bus pulls up and the first few drops of rain hit the pavement around us.
“Let’s go,” she says as she rushes out of the shelter and toward the bus.She’s definitely avoiding my questions.My stomach begins to tighten when I think about how close she was sitting to Monica, and just how serious this all could be.Avery could be rushing headfirst into heartbreak and I’ll have to be there to drag her up off the floor… again.
I follow her onto the bus as she heads for our usual seat, her worn bag bouncing off her back with each step.The last time Avery fell in love was freshman year and it hardened her, creating the suspicious person I know today as my best friend.I never blamed her for her reaction and never judged her because I understood.If I was in her position, I would have become the same.It’s not easy being from a small town where everyone knows you and your family and you find yourself different.Avery was born a lesbian.It’s easy for me to conceive that, to understand it, but the close-minded people of this town don’t, and they think it’s some affliction of the mind that developed over time.There always has to be a reason for someone being gay.Trauma, abuse, neglect, when really it’s not a preference.It’s not something you develop after you figure out the things you like and you don’t like, it’s ingrained in your DNA, and it makes me sad that my best friend can’t live her life as her true self.
I slip into our seat beside her as she stares out the window with a forlorn look, her shoulders slightly bent forward.She wraps her arms around her backpack nestled on her lap as rain begins to drum on the roof of the bus.Giant splatters hit the window, distorting the view as we head to school.The chatter around us heightens as it usually does, but I’m hypersensitive to the energy Avery is exuding and it feels like we’re existing inside a bubble.My fears about seeing Brooke today after what happened on Friday is also banging around in my chest, along with worrying about what Avery is going through.
She’s always been quiet, only asserting herself when she feels cornered or protective, otherwise, she’s minding her business.I’m waiting for the day she can escape Chatham.Avery and I have the same plans but for different reasons.I want to take care of my mom, make it so that she doesn’t have to work another day in her life, and Avery wants to escape the small-town, small-minded atmosphere, to truly live her life in New York.
“I can’t believe we hung out with the football team,” she murmurs, her eyes still focused out the window.
My lips tip upward as I watch her profile.“Only some of them.”She turns to look at me, sadness still lingering in her eyes, but now it’s shadowed by mischief as her own mouth quirks up in one corner.
