Page 53 of Fighting the Tide
“That’s right,” I snarl into his face as I tighten my hold and his hands begin to claw at my wrists.“I guess I’m more like you than I thought.”
His mouth gapes open and shut as he tries but fails to suck in air, and I continue to squeeze because the longer we fight, the less time I have to reflect on my actions.He turns a deep shade of red when I finally release him, letting his body slump to the floor as I crouch down and look into his reddened eyes while he wraps his hands around his throat as he tries to suck in air.“Killing you would be too easy, and you don’t deserve that.You deserve to live every day knowing she’s dead because of you, knowing that she had to work ten times harder because her husband was a no-good addict and a piss-poor father.I hope it haunts you every day, and I hope you die alone without a single person to care for you.”
His head falls, his chin hitting his chest as a low whine escapes his mouth.I stand up as he says, “She used to be my everything, and I was her everything, and that’s the way it was supposed to stay.She was never supposed to die before me.I thought for sure she would long outlive me and you two would be happier for it, but I know that this is my punishment.I have to live in a world where she doesn’t exist and you do.”His words sound clearer, like his brush with death has sobered him up a little.
There’s no point in standing here and fighting with him when he’s in this state, and honestly, all the energy I had gathered inside me has been expelled, leaving me feeling bereft and alone.Exactly how I was earlier when I watched the only person who truly loved me unconditionally get lowered into the ground.
I open the back door and stumble out just as the sun is setting.The air is so damn frigid and I recall hearing that there may be snow tonight.I shiver as the breeze slips through the thin material of my dress shirt, pebbling my skin beneath.None of that stops me though as I continue walking along the beach, knowing exactly where my heart is leading me.I’m too damn weak to turn back around and ignore it.I can feel the blood dripping down my cheek as the wind blows by it, and when I reach up to touch the tender skin, I wince from the bruise I know is forming.
My head tips back as the stars lighten the night sky, and I wonder if that’s where my mother is.Or is she out in the ocean, her soul free-falling with the tide, letting it take her where it may?She always did like to come out here and watch the waves.I stop in my tracks to turn and stare out at the ocean, wondering what it would be like to just walk straight out until I’m completely submerged.Is that where I would find her?And will she have forgiven me enough to take me in her arms?
I have a feeling she would turn me away, push me back out and toward the life she worked so hard for me to have.It would be a slap in her face if I join her now, so instead, I continue walking.When the lighthouse appears in the distance, I don’t stop.It’s as if my feet have a mind of their own, and as I fall into a deeper depression, they lead me to the place that’s always seemed to have the answers.
I open the gate, letting it smack back violently against the fence as the wind gales around me.My body shakes with the cold as I stumble toward the door and push my way inside.The cement floor is unforgiving as I fall to my knees, the impact sending shards of pain up through my thighs and directly to my heart, jump-starting it as it begins to thrash.I feel lost, completely and utterly alone, as I beat my fist against the cement floor repeatedly until my knuckles bleed and crack beneath the force.
“Nolan!”It’s not real.It can’t be real.There’s no way she would come here now, not tonight, not when I’m like this.“Oh my god, Nolan!”
I close my eyes and pray I’m just hallucinating, that she’s nothing more than a figment of my imagination, but when her hand lands in my hair, those long nails scraping along my scalp, I realize this is my ultimate punishment.
I’ve been raised to respect my parents, and tonight, I’ve committed the greatest sin by raising my hands to my father.So here is Brooke, a punishment I may not survive.“Go away,” I croak out as she sinks to her knees in front of me, both hands cupping my cheeks.
“Who did this to you?”Her icy fingers press into my heated skin and I slap them away.The anger is so very close and teetering on the edge that I fear I may just hurt her.I may fall off onto the wrong side and take her with me.“Nolan, please.”
I meet her eyes then, the hazel light right there behind the curtain of tears as she watches me.“Did a feeling in your chest bring you to me?”I ask her as I pound my fist to my chest.“Do you have something in here that beats so strong, you can’t do anything but follow where it takes you?”
Her head tips to the side as her brows crumple together in confusion.“Have you been drinking, Nolan?”
“Tell me if you feel it!”I scream in her face, startling her and making her scoot back.“Did something inside of you compel you to come here and find me tonight?”
“No.”She shakes her head.“I was just hoping you’d be here, that maybe you needed me.”
A sharp laugh erupts from my chest and soon it turns into a sob as I cover my face with my hands.Of course she doesn’t feel it.She never did, because Brooke Eastham was never my person and I was never hers.All of it was an illusion my mind created and somehow convinced my heart it was all true.
She gathers me in close, pressing my head to the crook of her neck and I let her.I absorb the warmth of her skin and breathe in her scent, letting all of it soothe me, hoping being this close to her will be a balm for my broken heart.I press my lips to her neck and feel the goose bumps breaking out instantly, then grin because I know I’ll always have this effect on her.She can deny me all she wants, but this body is my very own finely-tuned instrument, and I know exactly how to play it when I want to.
I slowly take off her jacket, throwing it to the side, and she doesn’t fight me as she works the buttons on my dress shirt and tosses my tie aside.The clothes are strewn all over the lighthouse floor, and when her warm body presses against my cold one, I feel like I will die if I’m not inside of her soon.My body begins to vibrate with need and Brooke feels it as she pushes me down to my back and straddles my waist.My hands glide up over her stomach, a little softer now than it was when we were kids, but still so fucking perfect.My finger finds a ridge of skin a little rougher than the rest, but then she grabs my wrists and guides them up to her breasts as she sinks down over my length, her warmth instantly driving heat through every cold appendage on my body.
She gyrates her hips with perfect precision, knowing exactly how I like it, as her tits bounce in my palms, the hardened peaks nestling between my fingers.I close my eyes and let everything else go, leaving just the sensations of her to surround me inside and out.She squeezes my cock, forcing me to the edge and leaving me teetering there, just above the euphoric abyss.
“Let go, Nolan,” she says as she grinds down onto me, forcing my cock deeper inside her.“Come inside me.”And I do exactly as she asks, coming so deep inside her as a groan resonates from my chest.
A few moments later when I finally come down from the high, I grab Brooke by the hips and pull her off of me, setting her aside as I stand.I pick up my clothes and get dressed, even as I feel her eyes boring into me like two laser beams.Still, I don’t look at her as I button up my shirt and pull open the lighthouse door.
“Nolan,” she says my name, making me stop in my tracks.“Don’t stay here.This was never where you belonged.Leave Chatham to be successful and don’t look back.There’s nothing left for you here.”
“I didn’t need you to tell me that,” I tell her without looking over my shoulder.“I already knew it, but thanks for the confirmation.Before I leave, I need you to know that everything I once felt for you is gone.I hate you, Brooke.I hate you for everything you’ve put me through.”Then I shut the door behind me, the sound like a final nail in the coffin of our relationship, and I walk away.
Chapter Twenty-Four
May, 2000
Mygownandcapare lying at the end of my bed, the latter teetering on the edge as I pull her leg up and over my shoulder to thrust in deeper, shaking the mattress and banging the headboard against the wall.
“Yes, Nolan.Right there.”Deidre’s head tips back, her throat lengthening as she comes around my cock, the tight squeeze of her pussy so fucking delicious.
I should have been out of the dorm over an hour ago, so I pick up the pace, brutally fucking her until it’s my turn to tip my head back with a groan, filling the condom before I pull out.It’s probably poor form to fuck my residence coordinator, but I mean, it’s been three years coming… literally.
I sit on the edge of the bed and pull off the condom, tying it securely, then throwing it across the room into the empty trash bin as Deidre sits up behind me, her full breasts bouncing with the motion.
