Page 32 of Fighting the Tide
I don’t bother to knock as I open her front door, a smile moving along my lips as I hear the hard notes of “Zombie” by The Cranberries playing on the speakers.Then I remember all the other romantic gestures she did for me this summer, convincing myself that there’s no way she would cheat on me.I find her outside in the pool swimming laps, her skin glistening in the last vestiges of sunlight.She’s not wearing a bathing suit and her hair is loose and flowing around her shoulders with each stroke.I immediately have a visceral reaction as my body tenses and hardens.
She reaches the far end of the pool, those red-painted nails gripping the concrete as she senses me and turns to look over her shoulder with a seductive smile on her face.“Hi, baby,” she calls out, her voice filled with that sexy rasp I love so much.
“Hey.”I smile back at her and watch as she hoists herself up out of the pool, the drops of water running down her body, making me jealous at the path they carve out along her soft skin.
“I had dinner delivered,” she tells me as she bends to pick up a towel to wrap around her body.“Are you hungry?”
“Starving.”The word is out of my mouth, the sound feral and filled with possession.Her eyes darken as she saunters closer to me, reading my tone for exactly what it is.
“First, you eat.”She grabs my hand and gives me a tug, leading me back into the kitchen.That’s when I notice the table is set, candles lit, and two plates of food intimately placed beside each other.
“This looks beautiful, Brooke.Thank you.”I sit beside her at the table and look down at my plate to find a large steak, grilled vegetables, and rice.The smell alone has my mouth watering, and even though I ate a large lunch with my mother earlier, I can’t wait to dig into this.
The thought of my mother makes my chest tighten and a fresh wave of anxiety washes over me.“What is it?Do you not like steak?”I quickly plaster a smile on my face and turn to Brooke, brushing her wet hair back behind her shoulder.
“I love steak.”I nod and lean in to kiss her cheek, her skin cool from the pool water.
“I can tell something’s wrong, Nolan.Talk to me.”Her fork crashes to her plate as she turns in her seat, and I know she won’t let this go.So I take a deep breath and gather her hands in mine.
“My father is an alcoholic and a drug addict, and he’s been that way for most of my life.My mother is the only one who works to keep the roof over our heads and food in our bellies.I live in a rundown cottage along the beach, and I’m ashamed of it when really I should be proud that we’ve survived this long.That’s why I’ve never had you come to my house,” I admit to her, my eyes focused on our clasped hands.
“I know where you live, Nolan,” she reveals as my eyes snap up to look at her face.“I’ve known since we were kids.I just don’t push it because I know it makes you uncomfortable.”
“Yeah.”I try to hold back the shame that’s threatening to seep throughout every muscle in my body.Even though this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, there’s a relief that comes with opening up your darkest secrets to the person you love.“My father was kicked out of the house around Christmas.He owed a lot of money and my mother gave every cent of her savings to him to make sure he stayed away.”
“Oh no.”Brooke’s hands tighten around mine as her face transforms with worry.“Is he back?”
“Not yet, but I’ve been warned that he will be.He owes a lot of money to the local drug dealers, and they said they will kill him if he shows up without the money to pay them.I’m scared that he’ll bring them to my mother’s doorstep and I won’t be able to do anything because I’ll be in New York in some fancy university.”My throat swells as I try desperately to swallow back the emotion.I don’t want to cry in front of Brooke, but speaking my fears out loud is making it more real than it’s ever been.
“How much do you need?How much will make him stay away this time?”I let the shame take me as I fall into her arms with a sob, my chest exploding as I finally release everything.Brooke just holds me, her fingers gliding through my hair and her mouth pressed to my forehead.She lets me cry and just listens to the anguished sounds of my fear.
When I finally pull myself together, I lift my head from her chest and look her in the eyes.It’s there I see my fear reflected back at me, and I wipe my tears onto the sleeve of my sweater as I mumble, “Ten thousand dollars.”
“It’s okay.”She nods as she continues to run her fingers through my hair, the touch meant to be soothing, but soon enough it feels almost unbearable.I don’t want her pity, but I have to admit that I need it so desperately.“I’ll get you the money and your mom will be safe.”This just proves what I already knew about Brooke’s heart.
“Is it wrong of me to leave?”I ask her the thought that’s been stewing in my mind for weeks.“Should I just stay home?”
“Maybe.”And that’s when I see her eyes brighten with hope.“Who’s to say that this money will keep your father away?If you stay here for another year, maybe we could still be together.”There it is, the real reason why Brooke wants me to stay home.It’s been something she’s mentioned off and on, and I know she hates that I’ll be leaving for New York in a few weeks.
I don’t bother to say anything as I lean forward to kiss her forehead and slowly stand from my seat.My plate remains untouched, but I couldn’t force myself to eat now if I tried.My appetite is completely gone.
“Are you saying if I leave we won’t be together?”I begin to pace in front of the table as I rake my fingers through my hair, my eyes refusing to look at her for fear of what I’ll see when I do.
“I don’t know, Nolan,” she admits.“You’re going to be so far away and there will be so many beautiful girls in New York.Why would you want to stay with me?Just stay home for one year, we’ll protect your mother and make sure nothing happens—”
“You’re going to break up with me before I leave for New York,” I state as I cut her off and finally, my eyes land on her face.The truth is radiating from every pore in her features.“You were never going to try to make it work with me.”
“It would just be so hard.”She begins to cry, her chest hitching beneath the towel.
“And have you already started to move on, Brooke?”I stop and stand in front of her, my hands resting on the back of the chair I was previously sitting in.
“What?”She looks up at me, her eyes wide as her mouth trembles.Guilt is there in her eyes and instinctively, I know everything Avery told me was true.Brooke had long begun to move on, preparing for the day I would leave for New York.“Nolan, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
It’s already too late.My chest hardens, sealing around the fragile organ it cradles.Never again will I let myself become so intricately connected to another person.Not when they have the power to rip me to shreds.“I hope you have a good summer, Brooke.”My voice sounds so foreign, deep and robotic, void of all emotion.
“Wait, Nolan!”she calls after me, but I’m already out of her kitchen and striding for the front door.I won’t blame myself for giving love a chance, everyone should do it at least once in their life, but this is it for me.Never again will I find myself a victim of love’s suicide.
I’ve never considered myself a strong person filled with a will of steel, and that’s why a few nights later, I find myself outside of Brooke’s house as the music vibrates up and down the street.The talk of a party happening at the Easthams’ has been going around town all day, and even though I tried to ignore it, here I am on her doorstep.
