Page 26 of Fighting the Tide
“I would have.”She nods.“I would’ve done anything for you.”She reaches out her hand, her black-painted nails skimming along the sleeve of my shirt.I want to shrug her away, yet at the same time, I want to pull her closer.
“Except wait.”I let my eyes fall closed as she finally steps into me, her warmth surrounding me in a blanket of nostalgia.My spine straightens at her nearness as my breathing shallows out.
“I was stupid,” she murmurs.“So fucking stupid.”
This is when I should move her away from my body, guide her toward the door then shut it in her face as she cries for me to give her another chance.But instead, my arms fall from my chest, giving her more room to crowd in against me, and when she rises on her toes to press her mouth to mine, I’ve already twisted my fingers in her hair to pull her in.
Her hands find my belt as my tongue tangles with hers, and the moment my zipper falls, I know this needs to end.We’re at school and someone could walk in, then we’d both be suspended, and that's not something I want on my record going into Columbia.Brooke senses my hesitation and frees me from my boxers as she drops to her knees to swallow me whole, successfully erasing all my thoughts.
And with my thoughts, so gone are the awful memories of this summer.
Chapter Twelve
IfIknewthenwhat I know now, I don’t think I would have made the same decisions, because while Brooke spent three minutes on her knees, I effectively let my whole world change.When she tucked me back into my pants and looked up at me, her eyes shining with an emotion that both exhilarated and terrified me, I forgave her.It felt good to let go of everything I was holding inside, and when she told me those three little words, I begged her to give me time to just slow down so I could one day reach that point without feeling pressured.
But slow wasn’t a tool in our repertoire.The quiet start to our official relationship was blown wide open a week later when Avery found me pumping into Brooke… in the passenger seat of her pink convertible… during lunch… in the school parking lot.I broke a vow that we made to not get sucked back in with the people who had the potential to ruin us.To Avery, it was the biggest betrayal of all.
It’s hard to juggle a best friend and a girlfriend who dislike each other.Both are irrational and filled with guile, and no matter how hard I try to explain to each of them what the other means to me, it’s forgotten the moment they lay eyes on each other.It’s like two forces coming together to create the most epic storm, and the second they touch down, we’re all destroyed in its aftermath.
I try my best to split the time evenly.I ride to school with Avery in the morning, and sometimes I’ll skip homeroom or second period to make out with Brooke, whether that’s in the yearbook office or her car, then I have lunch with Avery every day.Brooke usually drives me home after school, sometimes we go to her house and hang out, then she drops me off at the bus stop near my house because I refuse to let her see where I live.
So now, with Christmas break around the corner, they’re on a temporary cease-fire as long as I don’t bring them into each other’s personal space.It’s like walking on a tightrope and each time I take a step, I’m afraid that’s the moment I’m going to fall.
“Who are you gonna be with for Christmas break?”I ask Avery as I watch her bite into a piece of pizza, then place it on her plate.
“I will be with Dad and Darren on Christmas Eve, and then with Mom on Christmas day.”She wipes her mouth with a napkin and takes a sip of her pop.“I get two Christmases, but I’d give them both up just to have my family together again.”
I know how she feels because my parents are the worst they’ve ever been.When Dad chooses to come home, he reeks of booze and something I can’t quite decipher.He’s more out of it than he’s ever been, and twice now, he’s ripped the whole cottage apart to find Mom’s stash.I try to bury my head in the sand and act like it’s not happening around me, but it’s getting harder to do when I come home to the cottage turned upside down and him lying in the middle of it with bruises on his face.His body is so emaciated that I fear he’s going to die of starvation.
It's been weeks now since he’s been able to find Mom’s stash, and wherever she put it, it’s the best hiding place she’s had yet.It’s also making him unrecognizable with rage and I fear for my mother’s safety.I’ve begged her to kick him out, to change the locks, but she never does.My mother was a product of a broken home and she believes having both parents is better than one.He doesn’t deserve her sympathy or her fucking pity though, especially when he comes home smelling of whores and cheap liquor.
I can’t remember the last time I spoke to my father as a son.He’s ruined any semblance of a relationship he could have had with me, and the damage is irreparable.
“You and your mom can come over to my house on Christmas Day for dinner if you’d like?”Avery offers, and even though it’s sincere, I know my mother would never agree.She’s too proud.
“Thank you.I’ll let my mom know.”I won’t and she knows it.We both dig into our pizzas, letting the thoughts of the holidays settle in the silence between us.I miss the holidays we used to have when we were kids.Like the year I got a new bike and I rode it all the way to Avery’s house, only to have her meet me halfway on her new bike.Or the year I got a badminton set and set it up on the beach.We played that for hours each day until the net became ratty from the wind and rain.
“Will you be with Brooke for New Year’s?”Avery asks, her eyes on her plate as she picks at the crust of her pizza.Avery and I usually spend New Year’s Eve together since neither of us has ever been in a relationship before, but that’s all changed now with me officially dating Brooke.
“There’s probably going to be a party somewhere that she’ll want to go to.”I roll my eyes.The thought of going to the type of parties Brooke likes leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but I’m trying my best to make this work.
“Hi!”Brooke slips onto the bench beside me, her body pressing against mine as Avery gives her a sour look.I don’t think I will ever be able to make them get along.
“Hey,” I murmur and kiss her temple, trying to block the tension emanating from Avery.“How was class?”
“I went.”Brooke shrugs and that’s about as good as it’ll probably get.I’m trying to be a good influence on her, and not let our days be filled with skipping class to get lost in each other.Sometimes it works, and sometimes it fails.It’s a coin toss.
“I need to go,” Avery announces as she quickly rises from her seat.“I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.”
“Aves!”I call out as she hurries out of the cafeteria, her hair swinging angrily behind her.
“I thought she was a lesbian?”Brooke asks, her head tipped as she watches Avery disappear.
“She is.Why?”I stare at her profile as she continues to look at the double doors with a perplexed expression.
“Because it’s like she’s jealous of us.Or me.”She finally turns to pin me with her hazel eyes.“Like she wants you, Nolan.”
“Are you insane?”I rear back and laugh drily.“Avery and I have known each other since we were in diapers.You need to relax.”
