Page 15 of Fighting the Tide
“Right.Did she get the twenty I put on the counter for her?”I’m surprised by her sweet gesture of leaving a tip for my mother.Her steps are slow as we pass the pool, but it’s not lost on me that even though I went and bought Brooke a cake for her birthday, in reality, she bought it for herself.I wonder if any of the previous tips were from her too.
“Yes, she did.Thank you,” I murmur as I open the patio door and usher her into the kitchen.Her eyes fall to the cake on the counter and a small gasp escapes her mouth as she turns to look at me, her eyes wide and glossy under the low lighting of the cabinets.
“Is that for me?”Her hand moves to wrap around the base of her throat as if her heart is beating wildly in her chest and she’s hoping to calm it with that simple touch, because that’s what’s happening to me.
“Yeah.”I hold up the lighter in my hand.“I just needed this to finish it off.”I hurry around the counter and bend over the cake, flicking the lighter and bringing the flame to the wicks.
She steps up to the counter, her eyes riveted on the flickering flames of the candles and her fingers pressing into the granite as her chin begins to wobble.“It’s purple,” she whispers just as a tear slips down her cheek.
My heart drops as I watch that single tear skate down over her skin, following the dried tracks from earlier today.“Is that bad?”I ask as I lean over the cake to get a closer look at her face.
She laughs, the sound sad and tinkling in the silence of the kitchen, and finally, her hazel eyes meet mine as she gives a slight shake of her head.“I hate purple.”I curse out loud and stand back, readying to take the damn cake off the counter and throw it in the garbage, when her hand slips into mine, her cold fingers nestling next to my warm skin.“But I love it.Thank you, Nolan.”
“Well, next year I’ll remember not to get purple,” I promise her as I squeeze the fingers laced between mine.“Happy birthday, Brooke.Make a wish.”
She closes her eyes, her thick lashes kissing the tops of her cheeks as the twin flames on top of her cake dance shadows along her skin.When her plush mouth starts to move, forming the words of her wish but not vocalizing it, I fall to my elbows on the counter.My stomach somersaults with this vision of her as she slowly opens her eyes to find me staring into her face.She smiles as she leans forward, making my heart pick up in tempo, and when she purses her lips, my eyelids grow heavy, a blanket of desire falling over me.She inhales and blows out the two candles, snapping me out of whatever daydream I was letting myself sink into.
“Perfect.”I stand up and attempt to release her hand when she tightens her hold.“I just want to get a knife to cut the cake,” I explain to her.“I’m not going anywhere.”
“My wish is to get another purple cake from you next year, Nolan,” she confesses, the words whispered as the tears collect along her eyelids again.
“You’re not supposed to tell me your wish, Brooke.”I shake my head and give her a sad smile.“Now it may not come true.”The pounding of my heart reverberates in my ears as I stare at the sad girl across the counter, knowing she’s misunderstood and wishing I could change everyone’s perspective of her and replace it with what I’m seeing right now.
“I’m telling you so that you can make sure it does come true,” she admits.“I’m not an easy person to be friends with, or to be with.Look around you.My own parents would rather leave me alone than spend too much time with me.I’m difficult and complicated, and I always want more than I could ever give, but I’m hoping this time it’s different because I’m warning you.I’ve never warned anybody before.”
I feel the weight of what she’s telling me on my shoulders, similar to the weight I felt the night I stood on that ledge with her.It’s as if my life has now become intricately intertwined with Brooke’s, as though her happiness banks on my actions.She’s putting faith in me to make her days brighter, and it makes me want to succeed, to grab that responsibility and stare it in the face, to conquer it.I smile at her and nod because words are escaping me.I know deep down it’s an impossible task, and when she finally releases my hand for me to open the drawer and take out a knife, I hear the echo there in the back of my mind, taunting me and relaying a message.
You will fail, Nolan Sears.
Chapter Seven
Aftersneakingintothehouse late Friday night, I fell into my bed with exhaustion from walking all the way from Brooke’s house to mine.A forty-five-minute walk where I did a lot of thinking.My weekend slowly bled into Monday morning and I was all thought out, but I decided not to overanalyze anything and to just play it one day at a time.
With my backpack resting heavy on my shoulders, I walk to meet Avery at our spot, knowing I’m running a little late but confident that she’ll be there.I need someone to talk to.I need to tell her everything that happened, and for some reason, I want to convince my best friend that the girl she despises isn’t deserving of her wrath.
As soon as the mud turns into gravel at my feet, I know I’m at our spot and I lift my head to find it empty.“Avery?”I call out as I walk a little further along the path toward her house ahead.I’m hit with the memory from Friday after school when Avery begged me to come and hang out with her after helping my mother because she couldn’t be alone.“Fuck!”I curse into the early morning sky and quickly pivot on my foot to rush to the bus stop.I need to make her understand I didn’t ditch her on purpose, that there was a reason and I didn’t just forget about her or the pain she was going through.
I let loose a relieved breath when I find her standing there by herself, her thumbs hooked into the straps of her backpack as she looks straight ahead, the tense set of her shoulders telling me she’s angry, and rightfully so.
I stand beside her and look down at her perfectly straight nose and whisper, “I’m so sorry, Avery.”
Her eyes close briefly and then open again as she shrugs her shoulders.“I’m sure you found something better to do while you were at Brooke’s house.”Her words are laced with venom, each syllable like a thick poison as it coats over me, and once again I’m drowning in guilt.It’s all that seems to be happening to me lately.I’m either confused or suffering from guilt.
“Yes.I was with Brooke, but it’s not what you think—”
“That’s the second time you’ve said that,” she cuts me off as her eyes flare with irritation.“‘It’s not what I think,’ and to be honest with you, Nolan, I wouldn’t have cared so much if I hadn’t opened up to you.I admitted to not wanting to be alone, only to be left alone in the end.”Her voice becomes void of emotion by the end of her rant, and I know from experience there’s nothing I can say to convince her otherwise.I fucked up.
“I’m so sorry,” I repeat as the bus pulls up.“How can I make it up to you, Avery?”
“I won’t be second to Brooke, Nolan.Not to the girl who treated you like shit for most of our lives, who laughed at you, ridiculed you for your clothes, for your shoes, for the way you speak, for how good you are.I won’t be second to her.She’s a monster.”She spins finally to look me in the eyes, her cheeks red with anger and her lips pulled back tight against her teeth as she spits out, “Just leave me alone for a while.”
I nod, knowing that she’ll need the space away from me to get over the anger.We’ve been down this road before, not quite under these circumstances, but let’s just say I fucked up a time or two.She turns and storms off toward the bus, her ponytail swinging viciously with each of her stomping steps.I know I won’t be sitting with her today and I’ll have to take the one spare spot up at the front of the bus.
I open up the doors to the courtyard and stare across to the science building, gearing myself up to spend a period with Avery.Being lab partners won’t be easy if she’s not talking to me, and the prospect of sitting beside her for a full period without saying a word is daunting.There’s no other choice though, I just have to endure it.So I step outside, letting the door shut behind me and slowly make my way across the courtyard.
I get halfway when the scent of nicotine has me halting in my steps and I instantly know it’s her.It’s like every hair stands up on my body and whatever magnetism we’ve uncovered is now dragging us together at every opportunity.
“Nolan Sears.My birthday wish right here in the flesh.”She steps out from behind a tree and I’m struck once again with how beautiful she is despite the cancer stick hanging out from between her lips.
