Page 102 of Fighting the Tide
I’m at the top.Her words keep echoing in my head, but all I see is Brooke.The broken girl who stared down into those waves, praying for a quick death.It’s as if my recurring nightmare has become a reality.
I drive along the road beside the beach until the lighthouse is beside me, pulling over to get out and jump the guardrail.As my feet sink into the sand, I spiral twenty years into the past and run across the beach, chasing the girl I so desperately want to fix.I get to the gate and wince when the hinges protest with a loudcreak.Nothing has changed and yet everything has.She’s not Brooke.It’s the mantra replaying in my head as I open the lighthouse door and step back to that summer night so long ago.
“Colette!”I scream as my hand grabs the rusted rail and my boot hits the first corroded stair.Fear comes rushing in and I begin to sway as I look upward, the stairs twisting along the wall.“Fuck,” I curse as I take the next step.
The wind batters against the building as I try to control the terror rising inside of me.One step, then another.My hand grips the rough metal of the railing, the rust biting into the palm of my hand.The tin roof amplifies the first drops of rain, the sound driving my fear away and replacing it with determination.She shouldn’t be out there in the middle of the storm.
I thunder up the stairs as the rain grows stronger, the tapping like eerie music from a horror movie.“Colette!”I bellow when I see the open door, the sight driving my heart into my throat.She is her mother’s daughter… What if?No.It’s a weak thought as I bend to fit through the door.
The first thing I see is dark blonde hair blowing in the wind, the mass of waves tangling around her head.The wind slams into her as she grips the railing, her body slightly bending forward as she looks out.It’s still the same image I’ve been tormented with over the years, but this time, she’s on the other side, safe from the ledge.
“Colette!”I call out, and she finally turns her head, showing me her reddened face and eyes.“Why are you here?”
“Is this how she looked that night?”she asks before looking back out to the ocean.“Is this where you fell in love with her?”My heart plummets as I take a step toward her.I’m afraid to reach out and touch her for fear she’ll dart away, but I stand close enough so she can reach for me if she needs to.
“She was on the other side of this railing,” I begin as I wrap my hand around the metal, right next to hers.“She was so sad, her heart having endured yet another disappointment.”Colette turns to look at me, her eyes filling with tears.“I saw her that night, the real her beneath the tough facade she wore each day.I witnessed the broken girl inside of her who longed for someone to love her.So yes, I decided I would be that person and I thought it would fix her.”
“But it didn’t fix her,” she states as she looks back out over the ocean.“She only ended up breaking you too.”
“In a way,” I agree, refusing to lie to her.“But I don’t regret a single thing.”Finally, I reach out and place my hand on top of hers.
“Am I her stand-in?The version of Brooke you don’t have to fix?”Her cold hand beneath my palm trembles as she turns to look at me again, the rain and tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Never,” I vow.“That’s so far from the truth, Colette.You know how hard I fought this, us.”I tighten my hold on her as she flips her hand over to link our fingers together.
“Only because you feared I was your daughter.From the moment we found out otherwise, we’ve been together.I need you to promise me I’m not Brooke 2.0 for you because, Nolan, I am nothing like my mother.”Her chin lifts with determination as I pull her into my arms, sheltering her shivering body with my warmth.
“You’re not your mother,” I tell her as I kiss the top of her head.“Can I be honest with you?”I reach up to grab her face between my hands as the rain begins to subside.“I think your mother was a bridge for me to cross to get to you.I couldn’t have one without the other, and all of this was fate.It’s twisted and complicated, but you and I are meant to be.”Her face crumples with my confession as she nods.I lean in and kiss her mouth, her wet lips tasting of rain and salt.“I love you, Colette,” I reveal with a kiss.
“I love you too.”She throws her arms around my neck and I stumble back a step, fear bubbling up with the motion, but it’s quickly forgotten when she kisses me with a fevered ferocity.
I turn us around as our tongues battle and our hearts beat as one.She loves me too.Words I didn’t realize I’ve been needing to hear for most of my life.Words that somehow slip through my skin to fuse up the cracks left in the wake of another’s storm.
I found love along the shores of my broken heart.
She pulls back and looks up at me, her eyes shining with happiness.“You know,”—I grin down at her—“if you were looking for anI love you, I could’ve done it at my house, not here on top of the lighthouse.You scared me.”
“I came here because I had a visitor at the theater today.”Her brows come together in a look of irritation.“She knew you were done with her, and my weakness was her last-ditch effort.”
“Cassie,” I growl as she nods.
“She told me you have never truly gotten over my mother and the reason you’re with me is for some sick fantasy about having a second chance with the girl who broke you, the girl who couldn’t love you.”Her words make my stomach sour because I can see why she believed it.“She told me about the night you chased her to this tower and how you talked her off the ledge.”
“I can’t change any of the past,” I admit.“I’ve been honest with you and, in a way, Cassie has something right.You are my second chance, but not at being with your mother again.You are my second chance at love.”I brush her hair out of her face and lean forward to kiss her forehead.“There are going to be people who talk.They will say things, many like Cassie did tonight, but if we’re living here in Chatham, we’re going to have to let it roll off our backs.”
“You’re going to stay?”A stunning smile grows along her lips as she stares up at me.“You’re moving here?”
“You’re my home,” I confess.“You just happen to live here in Chatham.Where you are, I’ll always be.”The thought of living here no longer rips me apart.I’ve loved Chatham before the storm and now that I’ve found peace where I was once at war, everything is different.“I parked the Range Rover on the road straight across from the beach.”I hand her my keys and tuck her hair behind her ear.“Could you wait for me inside and get warm?I need a few minutes.”
“Okay,” she mumbles as she takes the keys, her icy fingers brushing my palm.“Be careful.”
I can’t help but laugh at her warning as she chuckles with me, then she disappears back inside the lighthouse.I listen for her footsteps to recede down the steps before I step back to the ledge and look out at the ocean.
“So here I am, Brooke, at the top of the lighthouse, looking out at the ocean, and I’m ready to face you.I’m ready to take our past by the horns and wrangle it into submission, because I can’t seem to move on without forgiving myself for the part I played, but I also need to forgive you for the things you couldn’t control.”
The answering pulse in my chest takes my breath away as I press a palm over it, the feeling bringing with it a torrent of memories.It’s Brooke, and she’s been here the entire time, inside the lighthouse where she nearly ended it all and where I professed my love for her.A love drenched in pain and shrouded with deceit.Not truly a love, but we were bonded, nonetheless.It’s the sign I’m taking that she approves of her daughter and me, that she’s at peace.
I head back inside and shut the door, not wanting to keep Colette waiting long, and then take the stairs back down, only for another pulse to hit me when I reach the middle.I stop and look down, and there in front of me is something I thought I would never see again.
