Page 100 of Fighting the Tide
“Let’s go outside and watch it,” I suggest as she lifts her head and smiles at me, her eyes shining with moisture.Her freckled skin is pink with exertion and her mouth is swollen from my rough kisses, and it all just leaves me speechless.
“I’d love that,” she whispers and jumps up, her naked body on display.I feel myself harden again as she grabs my robe from the back of the bedroom door, wrapping herself in it.I love you.I want to say it, my heart is begging me to release the final chain wrapped around it, but I’m terrified of scaring her away, of it being too soon.
Grabbing the sheet to wrap around my waist, I follow her out the back door and to the porch.The waves are all settling down as the storm completely recedes and the briny air is warming up, telling me it’ll be a scorcher.I sit in a chair and grab Colette’s hips, hauling her into my lap.Now that I’ve had her, I don’t know how I will ever let her out of my sight.
“What are you up to today?”I ask as my chin rests on her shoulder and I watch the sun slowly break over the horizon.
“I have to open the theater at ten, then do a little grocery shopping afterward.”The thought of the theater isn’t so daunting anymore, and I’m hoping this newfound freedom is something that will stick around.“Why don’t you come see a movie, hmm?”She turns her head to kiss my nose as I mull it over.
“Honestly?”I start as she nods.“I don’t know how to separate that theater from your mother.It was kind of our thing while we were dating, seeing movies, and I don’t want to be reminded of that with you.”
Her laugh rings out around us, and I stare at her, shocked because this wasn’t the reaction I was expecting.“Many couples go on movie dates, Nolan.I did it with every one of my exes.”
“How many have you had?”I straighten as my stomach tightens and my arms stiffen around her with jealousy.
She laughs again and shakes her head.“You should come by and experience it in a different way.I love that theater.”
“Maybe,” I murmur, still reeling from her sayingexes, like multiple of them.
“It makes me feel close to her, my mother.I’ve found pieces of her in the office.Pictures of us together and poems she’d written about love, loss, and forgiveness.”She turns to look at me over her shoulder, her face filled with thought.“I think a few were about you.She spoke of love unrequited and the guilt of wishing she was someone else.”
“Could be,” I agree with a long exhale.This is not a conversation I want to have after being inside Brooke’s daughter and realizing I am in love, real love, for the first time in my life.Regardless, I would rather tell her everything now, in the beginning, to lay it all out in front of us.“I loved your mother in the way a naïve boy loves a girl so far out of his league.She was broken, and I wanted to fix her.It wasn’t a passionate affair, it was my way of trying to heal her.So when she pushed me away or broke my heart, I wasn’t devastated because of that.It was because I failed.She continued to be broken, and I blamed myself for it.I wasn’t enough.”
“Some broken people don’t know any better because they’ve lived fractured for their entire lives.There’s comfort in living each day the same, regardless of the trauma and how much it hurts.You build an immunity and continue on.”Her wise words shock me, and not because of her age, but because this may be how she’s living.Before I can even voice my concerns, she smiles and says, “I’ve had a lonely life, but a happy one.I’ve lived with my mother’s love all these years because, for the first few years she was here, she made sure I drowned in happiness.She wanted to do better by me, be the parent she never had, and she would’ve succeeded had she not been in that car.There’s no need to fix me, Nolan.I’m whole.”
Relief is immediate as my forehead falls to her shoulder and I feel her kiss the top of my head.I don’t know that I would survive another round in the ring with a cruel fate, but I would do it in a heartbeat for her.“Good,” is all I manage to say.
“I should get home and shower.”She stands from my lap and I am instantly feeling bereft.It’s scary being this connected to another person, to feel like my world only orbits around their sun.
I stand and place my hand on the small of her back to guide her inside.“I’ll take you.”I crave coffee and maybe having her legs wrapped around me one final time before we leave, but I can’t come on too strong.I don’t want her feeling smothered by my overwhelming emotions.
“You need more books!”she calls out from my bedroom as I head to the bathroom.
“We should get some,” I answer as I close the door and grab my toothbrush.I stand in front of the mirror in nothing but a sheet wrapped around my waist and really take in my appearance.The man staring back at me is someone I don’t recognize.
My blue eyes shine unencumbered by shadows and my mouth curves upward in the corners instead of down.It’s subtle and so slight that I don’t think the average person would notice the change, but I do.It’s something I’ve been chasing since I was nineteen and reeling from the loss of Brooke.It only makes sense that we would come full circle like this, that she would heal what she altered inside of me.
I get dressed and drive Colette to her house, pulling into the driveway and parking.She gives me a small smile and bites her lip.“Would you like to come in?”I wait for the recoil, the part where my body shuts down and memories become all-consuming, but instead, I’m curious.
“Okay.”If I have my way, she won’t be living here much longer.
We get out of the Range Rover and head to the front door as I look over my shoulder.I can almost imagine the red truck sitting in the driveway as I carry a bucket in my hand.It’s not heartbreaking to remember, just a little sad that most of the people I loved back then are gone now.
Colette opens the door and I step into my past.Nothing has changed, and when I head to a sculpture in the corner of the room, I nearly laugh out loud.“Your grandmother is so talented.”
“She is,” Colette hums.“I gather this isn’t your first time here?”
“No.”I shake my head and turn to gauge her reaction, but all I get is her stunning smile.
“Good.Come upstairs.”My hand wraps around the railing as I remove my shoes, then take the first step.Déjà vu strikes me as I follow behind Colette, but I swear I feel like I’m alone and swinging a bucket of supplies.We get to the top and I watch as she walks down the hallway, the same direction as Brooke’s bedroom.When she slows in front of it, my heart lifts into my throat and I hold my breath as she runs her hand along the wood and continues on toward what I knew as the guest bedrooms.She turns when she realizes I haven’t been following.“Are you coming?”
Contentment fills my chest as I shake my head and drag air into my lungs.It feels like the first time my chest has expanded to full capacity in a long time.“Nah.I’ll wait for you outside.”
“Okay.”She opens her bedroom door and disappears inside.Instead of heading downstairs, I take a few steps toward Brooke’s room.
This is where it all began, the trials and tribulations of love and fate, and I can’t seem to leave without opening that door.I stand in front of the wood slab and press my hand to the surface, surprised when I find it warm.I reach for the handle and press downward, letting the door swing open.Slowly, the room appears in front of me and my throat swells with nostalgia.Her bed is made and the room is clean, proof that she truly is gone.I can remember when clothes decorated the floor and the air was thick with whichever perfume she decided to drench herself in that day.Her comforter would be hanging over the edge and her side table would be littered with soda cans and takeout containers.
She’s not here.I can’t feel her in the pristine room.So I close the door and step back, placing my hand back on the wood.I’m beginning to wonder if she haunts this town at all.Maybe she was called to Heaven and ran, never to look back or visit again.
