Page 61 of Lunatic
He hangs his head, as if he knows I’m going to be furious, and he admits, “It has a tracker in it.”
It takes a moment for me to understand what he’s saying. Can they even do that? That’s possibly the craziest thing I’ve ever heard of. I don’t ask why, because I’m not that stupid. I know why.
“I want it taken out.”
“No,” he says with a glare. “You would be dead, if I hadn’t put a tracker inside you. He would have fucking killed you.”
I back up from him until my back hits the headboard.
“Oh my God. You knew he was alive. Holy shit. He was right. I keep putting myself into worse situations. Every monster is worse than the one before.”
Lifting his gaze to mine, he arches an eyebrow.
“That’s really what you think of me? I know we didn’t start out great, Bianca, but I’m trying here. I did not know that fucker was alive. If I did, I would’ve killed him earlier. I’m not a good guy. I’ve told you that. I am a killer, but I only have good intentions with you. I may be a monster to the rest of the world, but not to you. The tracker was for two reasons. One, to keep you safe, and two, because I’m fucking terrified of losing you.”
I fold my arms over my chest.
“I want it taken out.”
Again he refuses.
“No.”
I lie down and turn away from him.
“I hate you, Raven.”
He lays beside me, and wraps his arm around my waist.
“I love you enough for both of us.”
I don’t bother telling him I don’t feel the same, because I already told him I never would. I meant it then, but I mean it more now. It’s time to lock the monsters away, and take my life back.
His breathing becomes heavy against the back of my neck, and I know he’s sleeping. I move his arm off me and climb out of bed. I turn back to him every few minutes, to make sure he’s still unconscious. My heart is racing, as I go into the black bag he took from Dr. Martin, and find what I need. I’ve known all along the drugs were still in here, but knew Raven wouldn’t use them on me. They aren’t labeled, so I don’t know if the one in my hand will knock him out completely, or just make it so he can’t move. He rolls to his back with a grunt, and I watch to make sure he’s still sleeping, before I approach him. When I’m satisfied he is, I uncap the needle and push it to his neck. His eyes pop open and his hand grips my wrist, but he’s too late. When his eyes stay open, I know which drug I used on him.
“I’m sorry, Raven. I have to go. I know you’ll track me, at least until I find a doctor to remove the IUD. Please let me rebuild my life. There will never be a day when I’m not grateful for you saving my life. Twice. You deserve better than you’ve been given. I hope you find it, but I can’t be that person for you. Goodbye, Raven.”
A tear trickles down his cheek, and I turn away from him. For once in my life, I choose me.
Ilay unable to fucking move, as she walks out of my life, or at leastthinksshe does. The panic rises, and my head spins. How long will it take for this shit to wear off? I have to find her, before she finds someone to remove the tracker. Once that’s gone, I may never find her, and I can’t allow that to happen. She is so fucking in her head about her past, she doesn’t get it. I will not let her go, I can’t. She’s the blood in my veins. The oxygen in my lungs. Every fucking question, Bianca is the answer. I’m a selfish man. I choose survival, and I cannot survive without her.
One hundred. Ninety-nine. Ninety-eight. Ninety-seven.
I try to move my hand, but still can’t. She once told me this drug was worse than being completely out. Right now I’d have to agree. Knowing she’s running from me, and I can’t get to her is torture. She could be a state away before the drugs wear off.
‘BIANCA!’
I try to scream, but nothing comes out.
The look in his eyes stays with me. Hard as I try, I can’t shake it off. Raven has known pain in his life. Too much of it, and I never wanted to add to it. I’m running scared, and I know that. But even a kind man can’t do a three sixty on the drop of a dime. My now dead husband wasn’t always violent with me. He never laid a hand on me before our wedding night. Sullivan was controlling, but never violent, and that’s why I have to get far away from Raven. I’m not ignoring red flags anymore. Heput a tracker inside my body. If that isn’t a red flag, I’m not sure what is.
As I’m walking, I spot a salon with a sign that says, ‘Walk-ins Welcome’.
I was going to buy hair dye, but this might be better if I have enough money.
Opening the door, I walk in, and am greeted by an older woman. She points to a plate of cookies.
“Help yourself, sugar.”
