Page 42 of Lunatic
“Don’t feel sorry for me. I fucking hate pity. It happened, and I will continue to deal with it.”
Lifting my head, I stare at his face and notice his jaw is clenched, but I want to know more. I know Raven will shut me down when he’s done sharing this part of it, so I go on.
“Your last name is Bonetti, and Dr. Martin mentioned the Bonetti brothers. Who are they?”
“A mafia family, and they’re my brothers, even though I’ve never met them. I know of them, but they don’t know I exist. I’ve been watching them for years. Eventually I’ll kill them.”
“Why?” I ask with shock.
“For having the life that should’ve been mine. I have never been allowed to see them. We have different mothers. I’m a bastard child. They have everything I never did.”
That’s really fucked up. I understand him being angry with the upbringing he had, but I don’t think it’s their fault.
There was a time I was really ashamed of the earlier part of my life, but I’m oddly not anymore. It’s not a point of pride, but it happened, and dwelling on it won’t change things.
“I still have nightmares from time to time, or flashbacks when I’m in a confined space. During my childhood, I spent a lot of time locked in a closet.”
“Where was your mother?” She asks, and I’m not surprised by the question in the least.
“Where was my mother? Fucking my father like the whore that she is. Whenever Padre Bonetti had time for her, she spread her legs for him, and obeyed his every single word. Never once did she try to save me from the goddamn torture. She’s in hiding now, as she should be. If I ever get my hands on her, I’m not sure what I’ll do.”
“Raven,” she gasps loudly.
“You’d kill your own mother?”
I shrug my shoulders.
“Why shouldn’t I? What has she ever done for me? She was not a mother, not like my fucking brothers had. Sophia was as much of a despicable person as my father and uncle. I am her child, and she never even tried to stop them.”
I soap up her hair and gently massage the strands, as I continue, “Even when they left after locking me in a closet, she never tried to get me out. My mother was a willing participant in my abuse. She was complicit. And one day, she’ll pay the price of her crimes, like any other person would.”
I rinse her hair, and Bianca lies her head on my chest, kisses my skin, and reaches up, stretching her arms out, wrapping them around my neck.
“I’m sorry they hurt you, Raven. You didn’t deserve that.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat, her words causing a heaviness in my chest.
“It’s okay,” I say.
Lifting her head, she stares at me and shakes her head in disagreement.
“No, Raven. It is not okay. It was not okay. You did not deserve that. Your parents, including your mother, should have done better. I will never understand why people bring children into this world to just abuse them. Abortion would be better than that.”
I bark out in laughter.
“I was the bastard that just wouldn’t go away. I’m a botched abortion baby.”
She climbs up and straddles my lap.
“A botched abortion baby?”
I nod.
“They gave her drugs to make her miscarry. Sophia had some bleeding, so she assumed I was dead and gone. I was born six months later, on the same day as my brother.”
She scoops some of the suds in her hand from the water, and places them on my chest, as she traces the bubbles with her fingers absentmindedly.
“What’s his name?”
