Page 20 of Lunatic
With a satisfied smile on his face, as he tucks himself into his pants, he says, “We’re doing a thorough exam today.”
“Come with me to an exam room.”
I get up slowly, wishing I could say no, but I can’t. I reluctantly follow him, my legs heavy like lead. Dehydration and malnutrition make your body its own enemy. With each step I take the pain grows more intense feeling like my musclesare ripping away from the bones. But like the prisoner I am, I continue walking to my demise. I place one foot in front of the other, as my heart pounds so hard in my chest I feel it in my throat. His torture is rarely the same. I never know what to expect. There is only one thing that remains consistent; I know it will be something horrific.
The hallway is dimly lit, as the lights flicker overhead. This is a different part of the asylum than I was in before, but I don’t know where, because I was drugged when I was brought here. As bad as the other section was, this is worse. It’s darker, dirtier, and looks like somewhere you go to die. I don’t hear people cry here, and I wonder if it’s because they are dead already, or if I’m alone in my misery.
We walk in, and I gasp audibly, followed by the inability to breathe. There are dead bodies hanging from meat hooks, with parts missing. There’s a woman that had her breasts cut off, along with a leg, and parts of her female anatomy missing. Oh, my god. This can’t be real.
My gaze moves between the dead people, and I spot a man missing his eyes. The smell is the most putrid thing I’ve ever smelled in my life. It’s like a mixture of rotting meat, shit, and some kind of an odor I can’t identify, that makes me sick to my stomach. I swallow hard, fighting the bile in my throat, because I know how he’ll react if I vomit again. I’ve never seen a dead body before. The horrific smell burns the hair of my nostrils, as I continue fighting the urge to throw up what little is in my stomach. Heather was wrong. This is worse than the basement. I’m sure of it. Anything that happened to me down there was better than this. While I never met Dr. Halstead, I cannot imagine he’s worse than this. Suddenly, I’d welcome the goddamn lobotomy.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I ask, as I stand in shock at the sight before me.
He turns to me, as he runs his fingers over his short beard with a wicked gleam in his gaze.
“You were very bad, Bianca. You let Raven fuck you while I was not present. That’s not allowed. Now, you’re being punished. Disobedient behavior must be corrected. Get undressed.”
Grabbing the hem of my shirt on either side, I whip it off angrily.
“I didn’t let him do anything to me, any more than I let you do these disgusting things to me. The wordletsuggests I consented, and trust me, I did not.”
His eyes travel from my naked chest to where my pants sit hanging off my waist loosely. The lack of food is already showing on my body. My stomach growls, as if it heard me thinking about the ravenous hunger I’ve been experiencing.
“You’ll eat soon. I don’t know that it’ll be the meal you’re hoping for, but it’ll be something in your stomach, and high in iron. Now, drop the pants before I get angry.”
Hooking my thumbs into the sides, I pull them down, and try to ignore his heated gaze like he has any right to even look at me, let alone touch me. I’m stuck somewhere between anger and perpetual self loathing. I hate him for doing this to me, but also despise myself for not fighting him off, even though I know the consequences of trying to stop him. I’m partially terrified that one of these times he’ll drug me, and I’ll never wake up again. The other part of me hopes it happens soon. I just want this to all stop. My husband beat me brutally for two years, and now this. When does it end? Does it ever?
“Lie down,” he says, motioning to the bed. It’s not an actual bed, it’s the kind you’d find in a gynecologist’s office, and that makes me even more nervous.
“Feet in the stirrups.”
I lie down and do what he says, and he walks over to my head, pulls a syringe out of his coat pocket, and I immediately freak out.
“Please. No drugs. I don’t want to be unconscious.”
Stroking my hair, he smiles down at me. “You won’t be. Movement will be impossible. You will not be able to speak, but you’ll be fully aware of everything. It’s just an exam, Bianca. Nothing to be worried about.”
Before I have the chance to argue, and say that you don’t need drugs for an exam, he pushes the needle into my neck. I try to move my head and can’t. It’s like I don’t have a body, and I know immediately this is worse than not being aware of what he does to me.
“Don’t move.” He smirks at me, moving between my legs as he removes his clothing.
“It’s a paralytic agent. I figured you’d like this better, since you don’t like being out. This way, you’ll remember all of our time together.”
I try to close my eyes, so I don’t have to see him, but I can’t do that either. I scream in pure terror, but it’s all inside my head because he was right. No part of my body works. This is worse, so much worse, and this time I really hope he kills me, because I’ve reached the end of what I can handle.No more. Please end my life.
Ilie here, watching, and knowing there’s nothing I can do. Tears fall down my cheeks, but I can’t control those either. Reaching into a drawer attached to the table, I look to see what he has taken out. My panic accelerates when I spot the silver speculum in his grip. The pounding in my chest is so intense it feels like my heart is going to explode. My breathing is audible as he stands, staring at me with that same wicked gleam in his eyes that makes me want to run. How could I have chosen this man to help me with Sullivan? I thought he could somehow make thingsbetter. I went to a monster to save me from another monster. Maybe I am a lunatic.
“I knew the day I saw you, I’d have you like I wanted to. That was the day I knew your life would be mine. Mine to toy with, and mine to end. Don’t worry, Bianca. Today is not that day. I’m not done with you yet.”
He pushes the speculum inside me with one single thrust as I scream. I cry, I beg for him to stop. The yelling is so loud in my head, but not audible. If he could hear me, he’d know that I’m pleading for him to give me the other drugs that knock me out. I don’t want to be awake for this. Pulling it out, he pushes it back inside me, fucking me with the hard piece of cold metal. His movements are jabs, as if the entire goal is agonizing pain.
Dr. Martin keeps talking as he opens the speculum inside me, stretching me to the point it feels like I might rip wide open.
“The first time I killed a woman, it wasn’t intentional. It was a happy accident. I was fucking her, and my hand was around her throat.”
He smirks at me, as he’s clearly lost in the memory of his sadistic crime.
“I guess I got a little carried away. I didn’t stop when she died. Do you know why? Her pussy felt even better after she was dead. I bet yours will too. I suppose that’s why I drug you. When you can’t move, I like it. You’re my perfect little fuck doll when you’re frozen in place, incapable of fighting me.”
