Page 102 of Other Side Of Never
“If there’d been any other way…” I trailed off.“I was waiting until you turned 18 and left for college to track you down.”
He stared back at me, wide eyes a kaleidoscope of shifting emotions.
Anger, confusion, sorrow, and grief spun in through his dark gaze.My throat closed tight as an all-encompassing mourning, one that had permeated the very marrow of my bones for years, rose up to choke me.
His wary eyes searched mine.“You were going to track me down?”
I opened my mouth to speak but I had no words.I nodded tightly.“I promise.”
“In my heart,” he continued though his voice quavered, so much braver than I’d ever been.“You’ve always been Mom.”
I covered my mouth with my hand, as if that could possibly stem the force of my grief.
My rage.
I searched for my voice as he quickly spun away, its loss igniting panic.If he left like this, if he poured out his heart only for me to answer with silence?
“Jakey!”
Turning back with a tiny grin, he softly admonished, “Jake.”
Swallowing hard, I scanned the face I loved so much, this man child I raised only until he was seven but had nursed in my heart always.“Jake.”I nodded.“Being your mom is the greatest privilege of my life.In my heart, you’ve always been my son.In my heart, you’ll always be my son.I’m sorry—"
He shook his head sharply.“I don’t blame you for leaving.I saw what he was doing to you.”He cocked his head to the side.“I followed him once, saw him banging on your door.I called the police on him.”
I gasped.“That must have been so hard for you.”
His face twisted as he snarled, “Not as hard as it was to go back home and pretend everything was okay.”
Shaking his head, he bent to slide inside the car.
“Will you come again?”I blurted.
Eyes wide on mine, hope laid bare, he froze and asked, “Do you want me to?”
I nodded fervently.“If you can.I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
“You stopped calling.”
Aw, God, I’d explained once already, but that wound ran deep, probably deeper than I’d ever understand.
“He knew.It infuriated him.I thought it was better for you to remain at home and in your same school rather than risk them sending you away.”
He shook his head and laughed sharply.“It wasn’t.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything,” I whispered.“I would have taken you with me if I could.”
His mouth curled up on one side.“I know that, too.”
I nodded, my throat tight.
He shrugged and offered me a wry smile.“Bye, Mom.”
I didn’t know how I came to be tucked into my bed crying in Kian’s arms.One minute I was standing on the sidewalk watching Jakey drive away, the next I lay crumpled in a ball on the stoop to my apartment.
And somehow, Kian was there, scooping me up into his warm embrace and carrying me up to my apartment.
Sun slanted through the trees at the window, dappling light onto the quilt on my bed while the sheers billowed gently in the breeze.
