Page 96 of Other Side Of Never
He scrubbed both hands over his face then stood up and paced back and forth, shaking out his hands as if to shake off the past.
“Isaiah misses his grandparents and he’s beginning to catch on that things aren’t right between me and Aaron.He’s asking questions I don’t know how to answer.”
“Have you tried being honest?”
He tilted his chin down toward me.“And have him angry with Aaron for not wanting me?”
“Mm, it’s a risk,” I conceded.
“The third house, the one I shouldn’t have purchased, is 25% outside the budget and I’ve barely even started.”
I opened my mouth to respond but he stopped walking and gave me a look of such utter despondency that I couldn’t speak.
“Aaron walked past me on the street and didn’t even look at me.”
I gasped, “Kian.”
“I burned dinner.”He sat down on the couch beside me and dropped his head into his hands.“And the pipe for the washing machine burst.”
“Oh, well,” I huffed out a laugh.“After a day like that, I’m surprised you’re still standing.”
“Honestly, Bridget?It seems the harder I try to hold it together, the faster it spins out of control.”
“I get that,” I murmured.
He covered his face with his hands and sat back on the couch with his head back.Voice muffled, he finished, “I miss her.I miss her and I love you and I’m struggling to integrate those seemingly opposing realities that roast me with guilt either way.”
I love you.
“You’re allowed to miss her, Kian.You’ll always miss her.”Swallowing, hoping to God he meant what he said, knowing it wasn’t the time but unable to stop myself, I whispered, “It doesn’t bother me that you still love her.Did you mean it when you said you love me?”
His eyes snapped open to meet mine.Face set in earnest lines, he stated, “I do love you, Bridget.You’re so damn easy to love, and even easier to fall in love with.”
“If this were any other day, I’d jump your bones.But because it’s today, how about I stay and cuddle you extra hard tonight?”
His lips tightened.“I failed her.I’m terrified I’m going to fail you.”
“You won’t.”I held his eyes.“I won’t let you.”
He nodded, but the tightness around his eyes betrayed his disbelief.
Once in bed, I wrapped myself around him, waiting until long after the tension left his body, and his breathing evened out before I allowed myself to drift off.
I woke up in the early hours of the morning to find him staring at the ceiling.
“What’s up, baby?”I whispered.
Angling his head toward me, he smiled wryly.“Me.”
I rolled my eyes.“Dad joke of all dad jokes.”
He huffed out a breath and returned to staring at the ceiling.
I turned to my back.“What’s so interesting up there?”
As if he was pointing out the constellations, he pointed.“That right there is me walking away from Wren.”Moving his finger slightly, he continued.“That’s me lying on the couch while my wife lay dying.That one is me uprooting Isaiah, taking him away from his entire family.”
Voice dry and toneless, he went on to catalog the failures playing on a loop in his head.
