Page 75 of Other Side Of Never
He shook his head sharply.“You think that’s the first time he’s climbed that thing?”
“He said you stand underneath it.”
He nodded.“Most of the time, I do.But the last couple of times?He did it on his own.Kids need room to explore, Bridge.Those kids?”His dark brows rose as he steadily met my eyes.“Normal kids trying to get away with shit.The truth is, if their father had taught them to respect you, maybe they wouldn’t have tried to pull that stunt.If it’s anyone’s fault, and I’m not convinced it is, it would be his.”
There are times the fog of our own pain and the sting of self-recrimination blur the edges of reason.In those times, we need another to give us clarity.
With one sentence, Kian cut through all of Gary’s bullshit to lay bare the truth.My eyes skittered back and forth between his until it sunk in.
“Thank you.”
18
Questions
Showeredanddressedinour comfy pajamas, sleep pants and a T-shirt for him, a shorty sleep set and bra for me, we sat side-by-side on the couch with barely enough room for The Holy Spirit between us.After leaving the marble monstrosity, one Kian told his brothers would make an excellent restoration project for a bed and breakfast or high-end spa, we grabbed dinner, then made our way back to the cabin.
Kian built a fire in the backyard pit where we talked quietly.Strangely unburdened by the past, the topics we covered became increasingly intimate until the mosquitos chased us inside to the living room.
“I had a girlfriend in high school who broke up with me when we went off to university.There was one girl in my first year for a few months followed by a couple of hook-ups, then Wren.”He shrugged, then winced.“I actually really liked her.I don’t remember much about that night, but I do remember being devastated when she was gone the next morning.”
The movie we pretended to watch played almost soundlessly in the background.
“I’d already grown tired of the hook-up culture.”He snorted, his handsome face twisting.“But I guess I wasn’t all in to be a father either.”
“Of course you weren’t,” I murmured, reaching for his hand.“You have to stop blaming yourself for a totally understandable reaction.”
He shook his head and laced his fingers through mine.“There was nobody after Wren.At first, I was looking for her and wasn’t interested in anyone else.Then, after she told me she was pregnant, I spiralled.When I went back to try to find her, it got worse.There was nobody else until my wife.”
“Has there been anyone since your wife?”
“Nothing serious,” he murmured.
“What was your sex life like with your wife?”My eyes bugged out.“Is that okay to ask?”
He smiled, his gaze soft and unfocussed, one foot in the past.“We loved each other so it was good even when it wasn’t, and it got better the longer we were together.”His smile widened.“My wife was a proud, self-professed, pillow princess.”He laughed.“She loved watching figure skating and had taken to calling out my score.5.8, 5.9, a perfect 6.0.”His smile faded.“She was my best friend before she was my lover.She knew everything and accepted all of me.”
What kind of person did it make me that I was jealous of a dead woman?A woman who didn’t get to raise her son with the man she loved.
He stroked my wrist with his thumb.“I’m sorry, Bridge.I shouldn’t be going on like this.”
“I’m sorry you lost her, Kian,” I murmured, surprised to find it was the truth.
His focus sharpened on my face.“I’m glad you’re not jealous.”
I laughed.“Oh, I am most definitely jealous.Envious, too,” I admitted.“But, if I could undo the past to bring her back to you, I’d do it.”
“Thank you.”He offered me his crooked smile.Wagging his eyebrows, he teased, “I’m wagering you are not a pillow princess.”
I went along with his bid to coax the conversation away from the losses in his past.“I don’t think so…”
His brow furrowed.“You don’t know?”
I shrugged.“Not really?I was in my twenties when I met my ex-husband, and I’d only had two long-term boyfriends before him.I’d barely scratched the surface of what I liked when I met Gary.Maybe if I’d had more time to explore, or a partner who made me secure enough to experiment, I would have known it never would have worked with how rigid and controlling he was.”
He hummed low then brought the back of my hand to his lips.“Are you going to do this with me?”
I’d stripped my soul bare, and he still wanted me.There would never be anyone else for me.
