Page 72 of Other Side Of Never
Rubbing the goose pimples on my arms, I followed Kian as he walked through the downstairs.
Hitching his hands on his hips, he took a final look around.“What do you think?”
I replied without thinking.“I hate it.”
His gaze snapped to meet mine, his eyebrows arched high.“You hate it?”
I nodded.“It’s bigger than the house I lived in with Gary, but not by much.It’s cold.Unfriendly.A showpiece, not a home.”
He nodded slowly.“I thought most women would love a place like this.”
I shook my head.“I didn’t want it even when I had it.”
“What did you want?”
“The same thing I do now.A small house I can make into a home.”I sighed.“I love Hawkley and Noelle’s place.”
He tilted his head in question.“Where do they live?”
“They have a log cabin tucked away in the woods.Windows line the entire back wall with a view to the forest.They have room to breathe.”I paused.“It’s quiet.And peaceful.”
“You want a log cabin?”
I shook my head.“I just want a real home, a space where I can just be.”
“It’s not a lot to ask for,” he offered.
I took a deep breath.Since I’d popped the top off my past, long-buried details bubbled to the surface.
I crossed my arms over my chest.“Jakey is the youngest of three boys by four years.He was a bit of an oops when their marriage was already over.”A tear painted my cheek.“He lived full-time with Gary and me, visiting his mother every second weekend, until he was seven.He called me Mom.”I raised my eyes to meet Kian’s horrified stare.“And then she took him back.”
He rubbed a rough hand over his face.“I’m betting he didn’t want to call her mom.”
I shook my head.
“So, they punished both of you,” he asserted, his voice hard.
I snorted and shook my head in amazement.“Looking back, I can see how fucking warped it is, but at the time, it seemed reasonable.All his explanations seemed reasonable.This type of abuse, it’s insidious because it begins so slowly and seeps through all your cracks until you think you’re the crazy one.
“I hated him for taking him away from me.But if I left, I’d lose Jakey entirely and forever.”I twisted my mouth to the side.“I locked down my emotions so I could stay and be part of his life.”
The Incident, the nightmare that ended it all played on a continuous loop in the back of my mind.Now it begged for release.And Kian had a right to know what happened.
“Every second weekend, the two older boys were with us.The rest if the time, it was just me, Jakey, and Gary.”Angling slightly away from him, I stared off into space.“This one weekend, we planned to take them to the zoo, but at the last minute, Gary went into work.”
I met Kian’s eyes, needing the anchor of his steady presence as my breath quickened.
My heart skittered and raced.What would he think of me after this?
His eyes widened in alarm.“Hey, hey,” he cooed, drawing me into his arms.“You’re okay, it’s all over.”He rubbed his big hands over my back.“Everything is okay.Take a breath and tell me what happened.”
Swallowing my trepidation, I latched onto his biceps.Somehow, telling my story in this big, empty house seemed fitting.
“He insisted I take the boys on my own.I didn’t think it was a good idea, at eleven and twelve, the older boys never listened to me, but Gary insisted it would be good for our relationship.”I huffed out a disbelieving laugh.“He said I had to try harder to bond with them.Jakey had just turned seven, and his older brothers intimidated him.They were loud and confident and brash where he’d always been quiet.He tried to be tougher when they were around, including that day, but every now and then he’d slip his hand into mine and give me a squeeze.
“I was so happy,” I whispered.
This time, I allowed my tears to flow freely.He deserved every single one.My body began to quake as if it was happening anew.
