Page 19 of Motivating Mira
“Don’t feel bad for me, honey.” He pressed his lips into a thoughtful frown. “I love my job, but I’ve learned from it. Work life balance is important because tomorrow is never guaranteed. I used to think I was addicted to the rush of running a trauma, but it turns out I get the same rush from helping people, as a doctor and as a friend.” His lips, so full and kissable, curved into a gentle smile that did way more than just make my heart flutter.
“Is that why you’re helping me? The rush?”
“Being around you is definitely a rush.” He winked and then stood. “Donuts aren’t going to do it. I’m going to lose my medical license for feeding you processed sugar and caffeine. How about something healthier. I think they have soup and sandwiches.” He looked to a menu board at the front and asked, “Chicken noodle and a BLT on rye or Tomato and grilled cheese?”
“I’m—”
He put up a hand cutting me off. “You’re fine. I know. But I’m doing this anyway.” He gazed down at me, once again giving me his stern-eyed look. “Go ahead and argue. See where it gets you.”
I shivered involuntarily. Had I imagined that? “Chicken soup and BLT on rye, please.”
“Good girl.”
His words felt like warm honey being poured over me. When he turned to go to the counter, I set my chin in my palm and sighed, letting another fantasy weave its way through my head.
“So, medical health management, huh?” he said as he simultaneously sat down and slid a tray with our sandwiches and steaming bowls of soup onto the table. “Where does that take you in the future?”
My stomach growled at the smell and for the first time all day I felt hungry. Famished, actually.
I shrugged, swallowing. “Honestly, I have no idea.” I took a bite of my sandwich and watched as he tasted his tomato soup.
“What do you want?”
I gave him a sheepish look and asked him a question rather than tell him that I didn’t want anything like that, because who got a whole ass degree in something that they had no interest in?
“Did you always know you wanted to be an emergency medicine physician?”
He narrowed his eyes on me, letting me know he was onto my distraction technique, but he didn’t push me either. “Haven’t we talked about this?”
I shook my head, even though I had always suspected his brother’s accident had been far more of a catalyst than his parents as to why Wes had gone into emergency medicine. “No, we talked a lot but never in depth about what drove you to follow the path you took.”
“Okay then. It was my brother. The night of the accident impacted me in a visceral way. I was helpless that night, but those doctors, they knew exactly what to do. They took care of him, got him stabilized, and saved his life. Maybe that life wasn’t what it once was, but I didn’t lose him that night because of them.
“And when I did my first internship rotation, I was hooked. I loved the action, the split-second decisions that needed to be made, and the confidence you needed to make those decisions. The way life and death hung in the balance, being in the moment, the noise, and the excitement. It all fascinated me. In trauma, there’s no time to dwell on whether you did the right thing because there’s always another trauma coming through your door. You did what you could with what you had and got them stable enough to make it through surgery.”
Being in the moment.I got that. The only time I got to be in the moment was in a scene. The rest of the time I was worried about an upcoming assignment, what was coming for my mom, what I was going to do when she was gone and I was all alone, or thinking about the past. How maybe if I hadn’t been such a burden to my mother, she might’ve gotten to enjoy more of her life before she was diagnosed.
When I’d graduated high school and had gotten a full-time job, and moved in with Josh, she’d planned a trip—her life-long dream trip to Thailand. One she’d had since she was seventeen, just before I came along—her little life-altering surprise. But she canceled it when Josh and I broke up. I lost my job and hadto move back home. And once again, I became her life-altering surprise.
She’d always told me she never regretted having me even if it changed her life, but did she still feel that way? If she’d known she’d die before her fifty-second birthday and would never take that dream trip, would she have made a different choice?
Maybe if she’d chosen differently, she could’ve ended her days, not worrying about whether I’d make it without her, but with her mother by her side. Because maybe the family I’d never met wouldn’t have disowned her if she hadn’t had me.
I shoved my half-finished meal away.
“Maybe you’ll be hungry on the drive,” he said, and he stood to get some take out containers.
“Thank you for doing this, Dr. Lake. You didn’t have to,” I said when he returned.
“Are you really going to keep calling me Dr. Lake like we just met?”
I swallowed. I certainly wasn’t going to call him Sir, Master Wes, or Daddy if that’s what he meant.
“How about Wes?”
The suggestion was given in a soft tone as if he understood the struggle I was having with something that shouldn’t have required the slightest pause. Still, I wasn’t ready to give in so easily.
“Okay, Dr. Wes.” I pressed my lips as he chuckled and shook his head. “What? You worked hard for that title.”
