Page 70 of Not Another Beach Read
After Mrs. Henderson left, I turned back to Grace. "The thing is, I always thought if Drew and I ever had kids, we'd start from scratch. We'd get to be the fun parents with the cute baby and the first steps and the kindergarten art projects. Instead, I'm jumping straight into the deep end with a teenager who has opinions and history and trauma I can't fix."
"And you think that makes you less of a mother?"
"Sometimes," I admitted. "I missed so many firsts. Her first words, first steps. First day of school. I can't get those back."
Grace set down her coffee cup with a decisive thunk. "Elyse Bennett, you are being ridiculous. Motherhood isn't a scavenger hunt where you need to check off every milestone to win the grand prize." She fixed me with her no-nonsense stare. "You get to be there for different firsts. First job. First heartbreak. First time she drives a car without having a panic attack."
"Bold of you to assume I won't be the one having the panic attack." I smiled weakly.
"My point is, you're not less of a mother because you missed the beginning of her story. You're exactly the mother she needs for this chapter."
I nodded slowly, letting her words sink in. "I just want to get it right."
"There is no 'right.' There's just showing up, day after day, even when it's hard.Especiallywhen it's hard." Grace's expression softened. "You know who told me that? You did, when I was panicking about my first book release party."
"Well, I'm very wise," I deadpanned. "You should listen to me more often."
"And modest too." Grace rolled her eyes. "Look, parenting is basically improvising while pretending you know what you're doing. No one gets a script. But Holly chose you, Elyse. Out of everyone in the world, she wants you and Drew to be her guiding light right now. That counts for something."
"She didn't exactly have a wide selection to choose from," I pointed out.
"Oh please. That girl worships the ground you walk on. She's just not going to tell you that because, again, sixteen."
The familiar chime of my phone interrupted us. A text from Holly asking if she could go to the movies with some friends from her photography class after her shift at the bakery.
"Speaking of the purple-haired wonder," I said, showing Grace the message.
"See? She's asking permission. That's progress."
I texted back a quick "Yes, but home by 10" and added a heart emoji, which felt simultaneously natural and strange. I was still getting used to the cadence of this new relationship—when to hold tight, when to let go.
"You're doing fine," Grace said, reading my expression. "Better than fine."
"Thanks for the pep talk," I said, reaching out to squeeze her hand. "I needed that."
"That's what I'm here for. That and to remind you that you have spinach in your teeth."
I clapped a hand over my mouth. "What? I haven't even eaten anything green today!"
Grace burst out laughing. "Your face! Priceless. There's no spinach. I just wanted to see you panic."
"You are the absolute worst," I groaned, throwing a bookmark at her.
"And yet you love me anyway," she said smugly, dodging my projectile with practiced ease.
"A decision I question daily," I retorted, but I was smiling now, the weight on my shoulders a little lighter.
"So," Grace said, standing up and smoothing her skirt, "are we still on for ladies league next Tuesday? Paige and I have missed you the last couple of weeks."
"I'll be there. Though I may need something stronger than coffee if Holly and I have another showdown about why three a.m. TikTok sessions aren't conducive to career success."
"I've got a tiny bottle of Fireball with your name on it," Grace promised, heading for the door. "Just remember?—"
"I know. I know. This too shall pass."
Grace paused, hand on the doorknob. "I was going to say 'remember to bring more of those lemon bars Drew made last week,' but sure, that works too."
As the door closed behind her, I turned back to my abandoned display, rearranging the books with renewed purpose. Maybe I didn't have all the answers. Maybe I never would. But I had friends who wouldn't let me drown in my doubts, a husband who partnered with me in this beautiful, messy journey, and a niece who was quickly becoming more like my daughter, and who was choosing to build a life with us, day by imperfect day.
