Page 46 of Not Another Beach Read
I made it to the end of the driveway before the tears started, hot and fast, blurring the street in front of me. I kept walking, my sock feet getting damp from the grass along the sidewalk. I didn't care.
Terminate her rights. Be done with me. Final.
Had I been that terrible? That difficult to love? I knew Mom struggled—knew her addiction made everything harder—but I'd always believed deep down that she loved me. That she'd get better. That someday we'd be a real family again.
Stupid. So stupid.
I don't know how far I walked, but eventually I found myself at the small park by the beach a few blocks from the house. I collapsed onto a swing, the chains cool against my palms as I gripped them.
Mom used to take me to the park, back when I was little. Before things got really bad. She'd push me on the swings, laughing as I demanded to go "higher, higher!" It's one of the few clear memories I have of her being... happy. Present.
Was that even real? Or just something I'd made up because I needed it to be true?
I dug my toes into the sand beneath the swing, pushing myself back and forth listlessly. The repetitive motion was soothing, giving me something to focus on besides the storm in my head.
Terminate her rights. Be done with me. Final.
Part of me had always known this day would come. Mom had been slipping away for years, each relapse taking more of her, leaving less behind for me to hold onto. But knowing it could happen and hearing it discussed like a real possibility were two very different things.
What would happen to me now? Would I go back to Grandma and Grandpa's? Would I stay with Aunt Elyse and Uncle Drew? Would I end up in foster care, shuttled between strangers until I aged out of the system?
The uncertainty made my stomach clench.
I heard footsteps approaching on the path and looked up, expecting a park ranger or maybe some kids coming to play.Instead, I saw Paige and Ben walking toward me, concern etched on their faces.
Great. The whole town was probably looking for me by now.
"Hey there," Paige said gently, stopping a few feet away. Not crowding me. "Mind if we join you?"
I shrugged, wiping at my eyes with the back of my hand. "Free country."
Ben sat on the adjacent swing while Paige leaned against the metal frame. Neither spoke for a moment, giving me space. I appreciated that.
"Your aunt's pretty worried," Ben finally said, his voice casual, like we were just having a normal conversation. "Asked us if we'd seen you around town."
"I'm fine," I said automatically. "Just needed some air."
Paige nodded. "Fresh air is good. Especially when you've got a lot on your mind."
I glanced at her sharply. "Did she tell you?"
"Tell me what?" Paige asked, her confusion seeming genuine.
So they didn't know. Somehow that made it worse—having to explain, to say the words out loud.
"Nothing," I muttered, dragging my feet through the sand. "I just... I heard something I wasn't supposed to hear."
Ben and Paige exchanged a look, having one of those silent adult conversations over my head.
"Want to talk about it?" Ben offered. "Sometimes saying things out loud makes them less scary."
I almost laughed.
Less scary? Nothing could make this less scary.
"My mom wants to terminate her parental rights," I said flatly, the words like stones dropping from my mouth. "She wants to be legally done with me. Forever."
Saying it out loud didn't make it less scary. It made it real. I sobbed into my hands.
