Page 100 of More Than Chemical
“Well, you don’t need to, because it doesn’t matter anymore. It’s over between us.”
She glanced at me. “Are you sure?”
I nodded. He was a fraud. Just like me. Both of us trying to be someone we were not.
Because who was I kidding? Even if I could sleep, I was never going to be on any dean’s list. I was never going to have the GPA to get into upper division chemical engineering.
I was never going to be good enough.
An ache the size of a watermelon swelled inside my throat.
“Oh, honey.” Her hand was back on my knee and squeezing. “I know how horrible you must feel, especially with”—she cleared her throat —“how close you must be with him, but I think you should also look at it from his perspective too. He lost everything. First his mom. Then hockey.”
I rested my arm on the door and stared out the window. A tear slid down my cheek as I looked at the people on the sidewalk, going about their business, waiting at bus stops. I wiped it away.
Mom might be right about Dallas having suffered. But he hadn’t shared that pain with me, and because he hadn’t, he felt like a stranger. Like I hadn’t known him at all.
Thirty-Seven
The Test
Early the next morning, I flew out of one of the dorm’s exit-only side doors and into a snowdrift. The automatic lock clicked behind me. I trudged to the sidewalk and stomped clumps of snow off my boots. With my winter gear in place, I was ready to make my trek to chemistry to take this week’s test.
Ahead, Jay was waiting for me at the street corner.
As I approached, he tilted his head. “I almost didn’t recognize you all bundled up like that.”
“Good.” I pulled my scarf up a little higher.
“A bunch of residents watched the news last night in the main floor lounge to get highlights of the trial. Is that why you texted me to meet you on the street rather than in the dorm lobby? Because you’ve taken hiding to a new extreme?”
“Thanks, Jay.” I raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t know that, but now I do and it doesn’t make me feel good.”
“All right, all right. I’m sorry.” He started walking. “Spill it. What’s going on?”
“Long story.”
“Good thing you can talk and walk to class at the same time.” He checked the time on his cell phone. “But we better hurry because we’re running late.”
I wasn’t sure why I was being evasive with Jay. I’d eventually tell him everything. I always did.
“The truth is”—I took a deep, cold breath as we scooted along—“I never knew who Dallas was at all.”
“What?”
“It turns out he’s one of them.”
“One of who?”
“One of the recruits my dad is accused of bribing.”
All I got in response was Jay’s breathing, his Adam’s apple moving up and down as he swallowed.
“That’s…that’s unexpected,” he finally said.
I tried concentrating on him, but I couldn’t stop my arms from waving in the air. “It’s not just unexpected. It’s an explosion. It’s like a hydrogen balloon turning into a firebomb, and now my eyebrows have been singed off.” My heart was doing palpitations. “I told him weeks ago who I really was. Trusted him with my secret, but he didn’t say a thing about himself. Then he showed up in court yesterday to testify against my dad, thinking I wasn’t going to be there.”
“Wow.” Jay’s eyes were wide, unblinking. “How many Red Bulls did you have this morning?”
