Page 98 of More Than Chemical
My legs jiggled. My insides burned. I breathed in and out, in and out.I’ll get through this.I had to. I’d pretend I hadn’t fallen in love with Dallas. Pretend I’d never met him. That he was the stuff of a make-believe land.
I tried hard to hold it back, but I couldn’t. I didn’t have enough strength. I screamed at the windshield and sobbed.
Without Dallas, there’d be no more mornings skipping from his dorm room to mine with a glow in my chest. Without Dallas, my insomnia would worsen. Without Dallas…Get over yourself, Ade.
I gasped for breath.
Without each other, we’d both be better off.
Thirty-Six
Rock Bottom
Idried my face on the front of my shirt and checked my phone. Mom had texted me.
MOM
Are you coming back?
No. I’ll wait for you in the car.
MOM
Are you okay?
I was going to type back that I was fine, but I wasn’t. I was far from that.
No
MOM
What’s wrong?
I’ll tell you when you get here.
MOM
Another recruit is testifying and then they’ll adjourn for the day. I’ll be there as soon as I can.
I turned on the car to warm it up, and while it was past my allotted time for drinking caffeine, I wanted a Red Bull so bad. I needed something, anything, that would give me comfort.
Resting my head on the steering wheel, I closed my eyes…and went numb. Almost like I was in a trance. I breathed in and out. In and out. Oblivious to time. Unaware of space.
A rap sounded on the window, and I jumped.
It was Mom.
I opened the door and got out.
“Hi, sweetie.” She gave me the biggest, strongest hug. Then her hands fluttered up to brush pieces of my hair aside. “Oh, honey, it looks like you’ve been crying. Should we talk in the car?”
I nodded.
She got into the driver’s side, and I went around to the passenger side. She blasted the heat, threw the car into reverse, and away we went. She paid at the attendant kiosk, and the next thing I knew, we were winding through the one-way streets of downtown Minneapolis.
“What’s going on?” she finally asked.
I cleared my throat. I needed to choose my words wisely. “Lately, I kind of sort of started hanging out with a guy at school.”
