Page 31 of More Than Chemical
“Care aboutme?” Now my body temperature was rising.
“We just want the best for you.” Priya’s forehead tightened. “That’s all.”
Emma wouldn’t sit still. “Just so you know, my bet is you’re going to get hurt over this—big-time.”
Ha. If she only knew. If she only knew that going to a bar with Dallas would never—could never—devastate me. My dad had already accomplished that last year. Dallas might be a mistake, but I didn’t care, because I had nothing left to lose.
I put my hands on my hips. “You’re being hypocritical. No way you’ll get hurt going after a college hockey player, now is there?”
“That’s different.” Emma pressed her lips together.
“Itisthe same, and it doesn’t seem like anyone’s stopping you.”
“It’s different because it’s a fantasy. Nothing will ever happen, because I’m too shy to speak with one. You though… You’ll actually end up having your first time with a total douchebag.”
The wordsfirst timehit me so hard I lost my breath. I dropped my head and stared at the tight-looped gray carpeted floor. I couldn’t believe she’d said it out loud. One night, not long ago, I’d told Emma and Priya that I hadn’t had sex yet. They’d said they’d never tell anyone. But now Emma had spilled it in front of Luke and Jay.
“Emma.” Priya stood and sharpened her tone. “That’s quite enough.”
My body started to shake.
“I think you should leave,” Priya said to her.
“Fine with me,” Emma announced. “I’m going to bed.”
Without even an apology, she stomped out of the room.
“I think I will too,” Jay said quietly.
I looked at him, and he didn’t even glance at me. Shoulders slouched, he followed Emma out the door.
Great. The virgin was now stuck with the humpers.
“Are you okay?” Luke finally spoke up.
“Yes.” I positioned my closet door so I could change into my tank and yoga pants in private. But I balled up my clothes, wound up, and threw them into the back.
Priya’s bedside light switched off, and the two of them sifted through the bedding, getting situated.
“Emma was really worried about you,” Priya said. “I’m sure she’ll be back to normal tomorrow.”
I grunted a response. Normal? What was normal?
In fact, I wasn’t sure life could ever be normal for me.
I grabbed my toiletry bag and my cell phone and went to the bathroom in my flip-flops. Standing under the fluorescent lighting, I flossed and brushed my teeth.
Just as I was spitting into the sink, it came to me. My quest to have sex had changed into something bigger without me even realizing it.
Screw my list of requirements for the kind of guy I’d have sex with. What I wanted was to be with someone who lusted after me as much as I lusted after him. Who understood how to tap into the chemicals stored inside me. Then it would be worth it.
I hated normal, because normal meant being disappointed and sad. I wanted novelty. I wanted excitement. And that was what I was going to go get.
Twelve
The Single
Instead of going back to my room, I set my jaw, tightened my shoulders, and went down the stairwell to the second floor. Finding Dallas shouldn’t be hard.
