Page 29 of My Fugitive Wolf
"And you're disappointed because you think your wolf shadow will control your life."
The sun created long shadows of cacti and ironwood trees against the wide desert landscape speeding by. She closed her eyes against it. All she wanted at that moment was to keep her tears at bay.
“I wish I could prove to you that it’s not like that,” he said, reaching out to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, something that had become an endearing habit with him. If it had been anyone else she would have flinched. But he was so gentle it was impossible to believe he was the same wolf shifter who tore a man in half yesterday. And all because that man had threatened her.
"More than anything I want to understand what it was you experienced with your own wolf before you swallowed the silver," he whispered.
Her confusion bubbled over, and she had to wipe tears away with the back of her sleeve.
Kellen had said that he was an omega wolf. Omegas carried out the orders of their alpha, they were the first to charge into battle to keep the pack safe. Had he protected her because of that instinct? Or was it more? Even though Josiah showed little concern for the safety of his pack, his omegas obeyed him without question. Clearly Kellen wasn’t that kind of omega because he broke from the pack. She would swear that there were elements of an alpha in him.
"First, I need to know more about you." If she could keep him and the other two talking, it would give her time to collect her thoughts and emotions about her wolf shadow not being gone. It would also give her time to figure out how she could tell him what he wanted to know: how she had killed the Riverstone wolf shifters.
"Explain your brotherhood to me. How is it that you three are the way you are without an alpha calling the shots? All I know was what I witnessed in Riverstone and what I've read in fairy tales and novels."
Giving her a gentle smile, Kellen handed her a napkin for her tears. She accepted it and dabbed her eyes.
His gaze went distant as he started. “All I know outside the Brotherhood is the Riverstone Pack. Leo and Stephen have explained to me how their packs operated before they left, and it sounds so different. I've tried to use their words as a guide for my own behavior. We don't bully one another. Any time a decision is made, we all have to voice an opinion. It's not easy, Samara. It's taken decades of hard work to get to where we are."
She'd never shied away from hard work, but for decades without an end in sight?
"What about...relationships?"
She held her breath, not sure what to expect.
"I've had relationships. I've fallen in love, even gotten married a few times. But only to regular humans." He looked at her, his brown eyes molten, capturing her gaze and holding it as if he could capture her with his words. "Those are extremely difficult, especially since regular humans age and we do not."
"Do you leave them?"
Now he turned away from her, signaling that this was getting to be a more difficult conversation for him, or he just didn't want to talk about it in front of Leo and Stephen. If he wanted to stop, she wouldn't push. It would have to be his decision.
"At first, before modern medicine, they usually died early enough so as not to make my own lack of aging a problem. I would mourn them deeply and then move on."
"And with modern medicine."
Kellen sighed and turned away from her. "I never left any of them on the lurch. I always made sure they were cared for before I faked my own death."
"You never turned them?"
"No." He turned back, his voice rough. "As I said, living as long as we do, and always living in secret, combined with a hit order out on all of us...I wouldn't subject anyone to that who wasn't already a wolf shifter and knew what they were getting into."
"What about children?"
"No. I’m careful about that. It's hard enough walking away from someone I love when they've hit fifty-five and start noticing that I don't look a day over thirty. I wouldn't have a choice but to take our wolf shifter children in tow. I could never take a child away from their mother. I won't ever do that."
Samara couldn't imagine walking away from her children, even if she watched them from afar. "Is this why you and your wolf are so interested in me? Because I might still be a wolf shifter and you won't have to walk away from me after a generation has passed?"
"I'm not going to pursue a relationship with you until I know it's even possible."
"Until you know if my wolf is an omega, you mean."
"Yes. If your wolf is anything else then there's no point in starting something that is only going to end in heartache. I’ve had my fill of that."
"So, you'll let your wolf decide regardless of how you feel?" Why the hell had she started this conversation? Because I want to know where I stand. Right now, I don't have any leverage with Kellen, so long as there's three of us—possibly four —in this brotherhood...or whatever it is.
"We'll make that decision together."
"That's the second time you said that, but what I'm hearing is that if you want me and your wolf doesn't, you won't fight for me. You'll just walk away and let your wolf win."
