Page 76 of Four Weddings to Fall in Love
WhenIawake,thelate-day sun is slanting through the window, and my body feels well used.Just the way I like it.I stretch this way and that before opening my eyes.Max is looking at something on his phone, but he puts it aside as soon as I sit up.
“Hey,” he says.“Have a good nap?You were out for at least an hour.”
“Mmm.Yes.”
A fuck and a long nap?Yeah, that’s my idea of a good time.I’d be happy to repeat the cycle, but when I start kissing Max, he doesn’t kiss me back.
“Is something wrong?”I ask.
“No.”
That sounds like a lie.I open my mouth to call him on it, then snap my lips shut.
“But my refractory period is more than ninety minutes,” he says.
“Fair enough.”
“And I also…sometimes when I’m anxious…I can’t…”
I frown.“Why are you anxious right now?”
“Work stuff, I guess.Going back to work after taking a four-day weekend.”
This feels like it’s not the whole truth, but…
He clears his throat.“I used to have a lot of performance anxiety, actually.”
“About work or sex?”
“Both.”He laughs ruefully.“It was during grad school.Although when it came to school, I was still able to perform, but…”
“Not in the bedroom?”
“It was a brutal cycle because the more trouble I had, the more anxious I got, which meant I had more trouble and…anyway.I had some therapy, which did help.Not being a broke grad student improved my mental health, too.It’s okay now, but you should know, in case it happens again.”
I nod.I’m not sure what to say, though I don’t want him to feel like it’s something I wouldn’t be able to handle if it becomes an issue in the future.
Yes, I’m thinking about having a future with a man.It scares me, but I try to push those feelings aside.
I press my lips to Max’s and hold him close, hoping that says more than whatever words my half-asleep brain could conjure up.I doubt this is the sort of thing he shares often.I’m glad we managed to develop a satisfying sexual relationship after what happened the first night, and I truly believe we’d be able to talk and figure it out if anything changed.
“While you were napping,” he says, “my mom texted and asked if you’d like to come over for dinner on Thursday.”
“Dinner with your parents?”
“It wouldn’t be just us.My brothers would be there, too.”
“I don’t know.”
He runs a hand through my hair.“I said I thought you were busy that night but I’d ask to be sure.I figure the next time we’ll see our families—as a couple—will be at the wedding this Saturday.We’ll start with that and go from there.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
I’m thankful he’s not pushing me.
I enjoy the intimacy of lying in bed with Max, his idle touches.I wonder how many relationships he’s had in the past; I don’t feel jealousy, just curiosity.
“Can I ask you something?”I say.
