Page 60 of If You Give a Grump a Christmas Tree Farm
I put my arm around Rebecca and lead her to the changing rooms, where she quickly disappears into hers. I retreat to mine, sorry there were so many people around and I had no chance to speak to her.
Once we’re both changed, we meet in the hall.
“You want coffee, or do you want to duck out?” I murmur, taking her hand in mine.
“I’m ready to go home.”
I like that she thinks of the cabin as home, and we walk to the truck. I hold her door, but before she climbs in, I pull her into my arms and just hold her.
“You okay? I’m sorry if that was too much for you. Playing Joseph and Mary was a lot. It kind of got to me, too.”
She doesn’t reply, just nods, and I stroke her back.
“Thanks,” she whispers before climbing inside the cab.
I’m halfway to the tree farm before I glance at her. “You want to tell me what all that emotion was about back there?”
She shakes her head.
“Come on, Becca. There were tears rolling down your cheeks. Something brought them on. Did I do something?”
“It’s not you.”
“Then what was it?”
“It’s just hard, you know? Holding that baby… I mean the doll that was supposed to be my child. I imagined holding my own child and how it would feel. It got to me.”
“You want kids? Why didn’t you and David have any? Did my dick-of-a-brother not want them? The selfish bastard.”
She shakes her head. “Wecouldn’thave any. It just didn’t happen for us.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.” I feel like a real asshole. My expression softens, and I reach across the space to take her hand, threading our fingers together.
“David always blamed me. I think your mother did, too.”
“That’s not right, Rebecca. They shouldn’t have made you feel any guilt. My God. I’m sorry. I want to apologize for my entire family. I can’t believe they treated you that way. That’s low, even for them. I wouldn’t be surprised if you told the entire bunch to get lost.”
“Well, I always liked your grandparents.”
“Yeah, they were some of the sweetest people, weren’t they?” I stroke my thumb over the top of her hand. “You sure made an impression on them.”
“You know, not being able to conceive? I actually started to see it as a blessing.”
I frown. “How so?”
“David would have been a selfish, crappy father.”
“I have to agree with you there.” I turn up our drive. “You know, my brother was always a dick to me, and I would have hated to see him do that to his own child. I’m sorry you can’t have kids, though. You’d be a wonderful mother.”
“You think so?”
“Absolutely.” I park and go around and open her door. “Hey, Rebecca?”
“Yes?”
“Did you ever… you know, get a doctor’s opinion? Did they tell you that you couldn’t have kids? Maybe it was my brother who was the problem.”
“He never wanted to get tested, and he didn’t want me to do it, either. I think he was afraid to find out. It was easier for him to just assume it was me and put all the blame on my shoulders.”
