Page 112 of Rebel Bride
“Like what?”
“If maybe your mind has been elsewhere. Caught up in the fact you wanted a girl you couldn’t have. Believe me, I know what it’s like when your personal life interferes with your game.”
I met his gaze and decided to choose honesty. “That’s why I didn’t sign with the Rebels three years ago when I first had a chance. I didn’t want to see her. To see them.”
He gave a quick nod as if this wasn’t news to him. How could I have thought my father was clueless? The man knew everything.
“Then you signed when I told you it might be my last year. You put your pain aside for me because you’re a good son. And this past year, you’ve had to watch Carter and your girl getting ready to spend their lives together. That had to be rough and can’t have been good for your game.”
“I’ve wanted to punch him every time I see his stupid fucking face.” Some people can channel anger, jealousy, and negative emotions into their game. Apparently, I wasn’t one of them. “And then … she didn’t marry him, Dad.”
Raising an eyebrow, he leaned back and folded his arms. His expression said, “finally!”
I sighed. “Does everyone know?”
“Conor’s not the most discreet. All those hints, and he thinks we’re dummies. What happened?”
I filled him in on the details of Summer in Saugatuck, except for the sexier ones, which my father no doubt surmised anyway.
“I didn’t expect it to happen. It was like … suddenly I could have everything I wanted if only all these other hurdles haven’t appeared to block me. She’s not marrying Carter, but he’s still my teammate.” Which admittedly wasn’t that big of a problem—for me. For Summer, though ... “All these feelings I’ve repressed for so long can now be expressed except they can’t. Not really. She might not want me the way I want her. She might not even stay in Chicago, but I’m working on that.”
“Sounds like you might be sticking around after all.”
I gave a low chuckle. “Maybe.”
“So you were thinking about trading out because you can’t share the spotlight with your old man, but now you might suffer in my shadow because this girl you’re crazy about is free.”
“That about sums it up.”
“Tell me this: if I retired, would this even be a question?”
I considered that. “I love Chicago, I love being close to family, it’s my hometown team, and it’s a dream to play for them. Follow in the steps of legends.” But then there was Summer. Maybe she was right. I shouldn’t make decisions based on where she would be. She wouldn’t give me the same courtesy—and after what had happened with Carter, how she had subjugated her needs to his, who could blame her?
“Well, you’ll be happy to hear that I am retiring.”
I stared. “Dad, please don’t do it for me. I can get over myself and figure this out.”
He grinned. “I’ve been leaning this way all summer. I have a couple of ideas about what comes next, but I won’t be playing for the Rebels this fall.”
I thought I’d be pleased, finally free of the shackles of being the other Kershaw on the Chicago Rebels, but all I felt was sadness. The end of an era.
“But Hatchling, there will still be pressure. This is the team I played most of my career with, and I cast a long fucking shadow. They won’t forget about me so easily.”
That made me grin. “We get it. Chicago loves you.”
“They do. And they’re going to love you, if you let them. The thing about pressure, other than being a privilege as the great Billie Jean King said, is that you can make it work in your favor. Treat it as your friend instead of the enemy.”
I frowned. “How so?”
“Think about why the pressure exists in the first place. You’re part of this amazing crew, one of an elite band of professional athletes, a rarefied position. Every move on that ice has the potential to make your team, your family, your city happy, sad, and everything in between. Every time you step out there, you’re taking them on a journey. The highs, the lows, the agony, the ecstasy. Pressure produces diamonds, son. If you think about the benefits, after a while, you start to want it. You find you can’t thread that puck through the five-hole without it. It becomes the thing that spurs you on and makes you better every game.”
I inhaled a breath. I should have listened to Summer and talked to him sooner.
“Dad, are you sure about leaving?”
“Yes, I am. I’ve won the Cup four times, got to play on the same team as my son, and ensured that the legacy continues. If there is such a thing as the Kershaw cap, then my leaving will free up that spot.”
“Conor will be thrilled. But I know he would have loved to play with you. Jason, too.” That had been my privilege alone. I wish I had appreciated it more instead of whining about it affecting my play.
