Page 67 of The Official Problem
“How would that work, though?” Matthieu sounded so unsure. Kieran hated how much doubt he’d packed into just five words.
“What do you mean?”
“No one could know about us.”
Even though it was obvious, Kieran tilted his head in a quiet question anyway.
“If the league found out, I would lose my job. Kieran, I need this job.”
Matthieu’s eyes had gone frantic, and Kieran wanted nothing more than to take that fear away. But Matthieu was right. There was no way they could be together publicly without risking Matthieu’s job. Who was Kieran to ask him to gamble everything? They could keep it quiet—he knew they could. But how was that any different from what they’d tried to do in college? Not being able to love Matthieu out loud was the reason they were in this mess to begin with.
Kieran didn’t want Matthieu to be a secret.
“We could tell a few people we trust. Alexei already knows. My agent does too.” Matthieu’s head snapped up. “Don’t worry. Cole has a mutual interest in keeping this as quiet as we do. I could tell…”
“Who? Ivan?”
“Yes. He’d understand, he wouldn’t tell anyone.”
“He’s your captain. He has to look out for the team’s best interest. Whatever this is,”—Matthieu gestured between them— “is not in anyone’s best interest.”
Except mine and yours,he wanted to scream.
“Okay, then I won’t tell him.” Kieran kept his tone flat, even as frustration burned through his veins.
Did Matthieu not even want to try? Was it really this easy for him to walk away? To push it down and pretend it meant nothing? He hadn’t seemed to care when they were just fucking, using each other to get off. Now that feelings were involved, was the idea of being caught suddenly too much?
There was more to it than that. If he was honest with himself, Kieran knew Matthieu’s hesitation had little to do withthe inevitable shitstorm if the league found out. To really do this with Kieran, Matthieu would have to let someone in—be vulnerable, trust.
“Listen, I’m not asking for press releases or couple selfies on Instagram,” Kieran hedged. He needed a new angle before this train derailed completely. “I’m asking for us. We can keep it private, we can move at your pace. But I don’t want to let you slip away again. Behind closed doors, I need this to mean something—and I think you do too.”
Matthieu bit into his lower lip. Unease still clung to his expression, but finally, he nodded.
“So maybe you don’t bolt the second we’re done having sex. Maybe I text you because I’m thinking about you. Maybe we stop pretending that this is nothing when we both know it’s not.” Another nod, firmer this time. “And maybe someday, when the timing is right, we can stop hiding.”
“Yeah,” Matthieu said, a small smile spreading across his face. “Okay.”
Kieran accepted the small victory for what it was. He wouldn’t push Matthieu any harder. Not tonight. He wouldn’t relent either. He’d make it his mission to show Matthieu how good they could be until he had no choice but to give them a real chance.
He leaned in, brushing a feather-light kiss to the corner of Matthieu’s mouth. “Will you let me feed you now?” Matthieu rolled his eyes, laughing as he shoved Kieran off the couch.
Kieran returned to the kitchen, half-expecting dinner to be ruined. It wasn’t, but it was close. The pasta teetered on overcooked, and the chicken was maybe a minute from turning chewy and inedible. It would have to do. Kieran was pretty sure he could’ve served Matthieu garbage scraps, and he’d still eat them. He looked starving, completely exhausted, flopped on the couch while Kieran plated their food. He rallied long enough toforce it down, offering no comment on the meal’s quality or lack of it. When he finally set his plate on the coffee table and looked up at Kieran, he seemed a bit more human, though no less tired.
Kieran braced for Matthieu to announce he was leaving. Instead, he whispered, “Can I stay the night?”
“Of course.” Kieran reached up to smooth the wild hair sticking out from the side of Matthieu’s head. He leaned into the touch like a cat. “How about you go up and get settled while I put these leftovers away?”
Kieran waited until he heard Matthieu’s footsteps upstairs, then pulled out his phone and typed a quick message to Cole.
Kieran
I didn’t take your advice.
Not looking for a lecture.
Just want you to be prepared in case this all goes to hell.
Cole replied almost immediately.
