Page 68 of Salvaged Heart
So, here I was, back in Nashville for the first time in almost eight years, sitting opposite a man who still held my entire heart whether he knew it or not.
What in the world was he doing here?
Laurel’s gaze flicked between us as if she anticipated some impending disruption. Her hand lay on the table next to Beck’s, not touching, but so close the slightest move of either of their pinkies, and they would have been. He sat ramrod straight,staring at the table like he was suddenly very interested in my mother’s centerpiece.
“Don’t tell me you rode that deathtrap all the way from North Carolina.” My stepfather’s voice cut through the haze.
“No, the person I have been staying with has an extra car she let me borrow.”
I hadn’t been on my bike in months. As far as I knew, it still sat in the driveway of Arbor Ct. I shuddered at the thought of it sitting outside in the elements, uncared for. It was already a rusted piece of shit. I doubted it would even start now.
“This Kara, woman?”
“Yes, sir.”
He hummed, leaning back slightly to allow Paulina better access to his plate as she began serving him. “I’d like to speak with her. I am very curious as to why she might take someone like yourself in, given your…condition. I presume she will be wanting some sort of compensation?”
It seemed my stepfather hadn’t changed in the eight years since I last saw him.
“She runs an unofficial halfway house of sorts. She was an addict herself years ago and now helps people transitioning from rehab to get settled back into a normal routine. I help with her business, and she’s giving me free room and board in return.”
I had felt guilty for not taking the time to get to know her during AA, especially with what a support she had been to Beck while he was dealing with me. I had to hold back my surprise when she appeared in my hospital room the day after I’d ended things with him. Though I should have figured he would call her. It was hard for me to trust people, but when she offered to let me move in with her after I got out of rehab, I’d promised I would at least think about it. Other than a few scattered phone calls with Laurel and the singular forced conversation with my mother, she had been the only contact with the outside worldwhile I was there. We had grown closer, and I’d finally relented to her constant asking to move in with her.
The truth was, my options were limited to returning here, which would have driven me back to drugs, or taking the chance her offers were genuine. So far, it was working out. She attended AA with me, let me tag along with her friends, and I helped her with her insurance business. It was mostly keeping track of the calendar, sorting mail, and making appointments. But having a routine was good, healthy. Plus, it counted as some solid work experience, which, as a twenty-six-year-old guy, was well past the time I started to gain.
“And you’re sure there is nothing else going on between the two of you? Something romantic, perhaps?”
I bit into my tongue to stop it from spitting the words circulating in my brain at him and settled for a milder answer. “I’m still gay, sir.”
Alexander sighed. “Well, that is a pity.”
I hadn’t thought Beck could get any tenser than he was, but one look at him now proved otherwise. He was breathing deeply, his nostrils flaring as he ground his teeth. I pressed the toe of my boot into his ankle to get his attention before trying to silently communicate with him to leave it be. I was more than used to my stepfather’s judgment, and in the grand scheme of things, my sexuality was probably the thing he was least embarrassed about on my long list of transgressions. If he was choosing to focus on this flaw, then I was getting off relatively easy.
Paulina, bless her heart, hurried around the table, serving food as quickly as she could, and we soon became lost in our meals. I took large forkfuls, trying to clear my plate as quickly as possible, hoping that the sooner it was empty, the sooner I could fake exhaustion from the long drive and excuse myself to bed. I wasn’t sure what I had been thinking when I agreed to spend three nights here. It would probably be thebiggest test to my sobriety since I left rehab, but it wasn’t lost on me that Alexander’s usually overflowing bar cart that had lived in the corner of this room was now absent. The cart had been a significant contributing factor to my alcoholism to begin with. Perhaps my parents were finally understanding that my addictions were more than ‘party boy refusing to grow up’ behavior. If so, I was proud of their growth.
My mother, sensing the tension, took the opportunity to clear her throat. “It is so nice to have all my children around the table again.”
All was an odd word choice, considering she only had one and a half in total.
“I know, Beckham, you’re not technically familyyet,but I’m sure it’s just a matter of time.” I flicked my gaze back to him, but he was smiling back at my mother as she spoke. “I can’t believe you and Laurel have been together almost seven years now. Time truly flies.”
Did they not know Laurel and Beck had broken up?
It would explain why he was here, faking appearances for her sake, I was sure. But I couldn’t help the new anxiety bubbling in my chest. Had they gotten back together? I couldn’t blame him if they had. He only ended things with her because of me—one summer of experimentation, and then right back into the arms of my perfect sister.
That wasn’t fair.I ended things with him. He had every right to have happiness with someone else… but that didn’t stop it hurting.
“To seven years.” Alexander lifted his glass, which appeared filled with Sprite, in a toast.
My mother joined him eagerly, followed by a reluctant Laurel and a bright red Beck. My sister opened her mouth to say something, but Beck placed his palm over the back of her hand and shot her a look I couldn’t read. The sight of his hand on herswas suddenly too much for me. The air in the room felt too thin. I needed to do my breathing exercises, but there was no way I could without attracting the attention of the entire table.
Somehow, I managed to stand slowly and excuse myself. “My apologies, Mother.” I looked at her with a smile. “Long drive, I’ll just be a minute.”
I tried very hard to keep my steps slow, and even as I left the room, the last thing I needed was someone thinking something was wrong with me and following me out. But once I was far enough down the hall that they couldn’t hear my change in pace, I broke into a jog and leaped up the stairs two at a time, trying to put as much distance between myself and my broken heart as possible.
I didn’t have a right to feel this way. Beck could be with Laurel if that is what made him happy. I’d pushed him away and told him we couldn’t be together. I didn’t have ownership over his heart any longer. I wasn’t even sure I had ownership over it, to begin with. It was just one summer. A few short weeks passing the time by getting lost in each other. He had helped me when I needed it the most, and, like I always did, I took that kindness and spun it into something more than it was.
No, that wasn’t the truth.
