Page 60 of Salvaged Heart
It wasn’t only on her to make things right between them, but they would never get there if they didn’t set aside the past and focus on working towards the future. I believed Anders was ready to do just that. He knew how badly he hurt his sister and so desperately wanted to make it right, but shame and maybe pride made him stubborn, unwilling to move the first inch. His heart was battered and bruised. It had taken everything in him to trust me, even with the smallest part of it. I knew how scary the idea of trusting it to his sister would be.
They were cut from the same cloth.
“Let’s just go back inside, yeah. We were about to eat…”
She scoffed, but this time, her tone was playful. “So, that’s what you call that.”
I blushed, trying to stop the grin from spreading over my face. “I know things can’t be fixed overnight, but if you want to find your way back to one another, which I think deep down you both do, we can set that in motion.”
She looked back at me for a long time, not letting any evidence of what she was thinking come to the surface. Finally, she sighed and looked back up at the house, shaking her head slowly.
“So what, you’re gay now? How’d that happen?” There was no venom in her voice now. She sounded almost lost.
“To be honest, I’m not sure. I’ve found men attractive before, but it’s never been like it is with Anders. Something was pulling me to him from the moment we met. First, it was slow, small things like the desperate need to make him smile, to make sure he ate. Then it was sudden and all at once.” I cleared my throat,finding it hard to push words out past the emotion sitting like a ball on my chest. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, Laurel. I don’t think that makes me gay. Bi honestly doesn’t feel right either.” Hell, maybe I was just Anders-sexual. Was that a thing, being gay for only one person? “It’s new…” She looked down, suddenly very interested in flaking her chipped polish from her nails. My confession was probably not one I should have made to my ex-girlfriend, of all people, but she needed to know that Anders wasn’t just a fling to me. That I hadn’t thrown us away on a whim. What I said had been the truth.
This summer was transformative in more ways than one. I’d come to Lake Norman not knowing what the end of August would bring, but now it was clear as day. I knew I wanted to get my contractor license, start my own business, spend my days renovating old houses like this one, and spend my nights making love to Anders until we fell into sleep. I wanted to wake up to the sun with him wrapped in my arms. I wanted to whisper sweet words in his ears and make him coffee and burnt toast before hugging him goodbye with promises ofI’ll see you later,andI’ll miss you.
“I honestly think he might be it for me.”
“Why does hearing you say that not hurt as much as it should?” She shrugged.
“I’m sorry.” The words were hollow, intended to pacify at best.
“You deserve the world, Beck. You always have. I’m not going to pretend I’m not shocked you found that with him, but I can tell you’re good for him.”
“He’s good for me, too.”
She answered with a small, defeated nod.
“Okay?”
“Yeah. Give me a minute, and we can try this again. You might want to go in first. Make sure he’ll speak to me after all I said in there.”
I reached out and squeezed her hand in mine, mouthingthank you, and a large raindrop landed where they were joined. “Don’t stay out here too long. You know how August storms can get.”
She nodded, and I turned, letting go of her hand and striding away from her, feeling like gravity was pulling me back to him.
I didn’t head back towards the kitchen. The light off at the end of the hallway told me he was no longer there. But my feet seemed to know which direction to carry me, and I rushed to climb the stairs, eager to get back to him. Anxious to pull Anders into my arms and tell him that everything would be okay between them, tell him how much I loved him and how I’d told his sister as much. I wanted to kiss him as badly as I wanted to take my next breath. Just a few more steps, just a few more until I would have him in my arms again.
The light coming from his cracked doorway was low, only a lamp on the bedside table lit, and I peeked in, noting him sitting in his favorite spot by the window. His hand pressed to the glass, watching, I didn’t know what, outside on the back lawn. I knew he must be deep in his thoughts because he hadn’t heard me enter. I allowed myself to be content watching him for a moment before I opened my mouth.
He was so fucking beautiful. How was I so lucky that he was mine?Was he, though, or had I just presumed that he belonged to me in every way I belonged to him?
“I spoke to Laurel. I think she’s ready to talk properly if you still are.”
His head whipped around, curls flying as he went, and he looked back at me with those wide, gorgeous eyes. A smile turned up the corner of his lips. They parted slightly. I held backthe urge to stride towards him, throw him against the wall, and kiss him silly.
“You came back?” His voice came out so weak and broken it was in danger of cracking my chest right in two. Did he really think I wouldn’t?
“Anders, I never even left.” He turned away again, shaking his head like he was trying to puzzle something out. Like he hadn’t thought he was worthy of sticking around for. “I just wanted to cool Laurel down before she…” What had I been preventing Laurel from doing? I wasn’t sure. It seemed incredibly important at that moment that she didn't leave.
But the look in those hazel eyes told me I'd messed this up. They glittered with tears, his features scrunched around them in an expression of disbelief. He'd thought I'd chosen her. He'd thought that when I chased her from the kitchen, that had been it for us, over as quickly as we started.
“I’m sorry,” I took two big steps towards him, hands held out, beckoning him closer. If I could lock my arms around him, he would know I could never pick another over him. As new and scary as this was, he was it for me. The words would be hard, but I could show him. I’d never let him doubt the way I felt about him again.
He came into my arms willingly, burying his head between my shoulder and neck, nuzzling down like a kitten into the warmth. “I thought I’d never see you again.”
I wrapped him as tightly as I could. “Anders, don’t be silly. I could never walk away from you. I could never walk away from this.”
