Page 47 of Salvaged Heart
“Yes, close to six weeks now. From all drugs and alcohol.”
Dr. White placed a hand gently on the opposite shoulder than the one Beckham still clung to, meeting my eyes with an intense expression. “That’s quite an accomplishment. Congratulations.” It struck me as a strange thing to say.
“Thank you.”
“Are you currently sexually active?”
Before I could even mull on the question, Beck answered for me. “We would like to be.”
Jesus, Beck. I should have left him in the waiting room. But who was I kidding? The only reason I hadn’t bolted yet was thanks to his calming presence by my side.
“Not currently, no,” I added sheepishly.
At least Dr. White seemed amused by Beck’s antics and flashed a wry smile before moving his attention back to me. “And your previous sexual partners, have they been exclusively male?”
“There have been women before, but I identify as gay.”
Another thoughtful nod followed by a scribble of something else.
“Just a few more questions, I promise.”
Just a few more questions felt closer to a hundred. Dr. White checked my eyes, ears, tongue, and throat while interviewing me on a whole range of topics. How were my energy levels?Poor.Fatigue?Crippling. Issues with depression and anxiety? I’ma mess.Problems gaining or maintaining weight?Have you seen me?The whole experience left me exhausted and mentally burned out, my answers to his endless questions growing short. Beck seemed to pick up that I was quickly reaching the end of my rope and took over most of the conversation while I became entertained watching dogs playing outside at the doggy daycare across the street, through a tiny window to the right of the doctor’s head.
Finally, he seemed to have enough information and sat his notepad on the desk, walking around to perch on the edge closest to me.
“I will have nurse Sandra take blood samples for your STI panel. While she’s at it, I would like to take a few extra vials to run additional tests and get a urine sample. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you, but like with any substance abuse, the lasting effect on our bodies from opiates can sometimes be as damaging as the use itself. I want to test the functions of a few of your key organs and screen for potential autoimmune disorders.”
“Autoimmune?”
“I will be straight with you, Anders. Some of your symptoms are quite concerning. I am particularly worried about your weight. It is very low for a man of your height, and the fact that you haven’t gained much since getting clean might hint at a few potential illnesses.”
“How long will it take to get the results?” Beck asked from beside me.
“The STI panel we should get back by the end of the day. We have our own lab on site to screen routine blood work. I will need to send some of the samples to a third party for more specific testing. Those should be back by early next week. Try not to worry in the meantime. I know it’s easier said than done.”
I hadn’t even considered there could be something else wrong with me, and the thought that I could have done lasting damage to my body was debilitating. I screwed my eyes shut tight, trying to breathe through the rising panic following the steps Beckham had taught me. He was asking the doctor something else, but the sounds of their voices became a hum as my mind raced through every worst-case scenario imaginable.
“I hope you won’t ever have to use it, Beckham. But it’s important to keep on hand.”
“He’s better. I won’t let that happen.”
“We both know that’s not how this works. He could relapse tomorrow, or ten years from now, or never at all. But if the worst does happen, it will make the difference.”
Seeking Beck's comfort, I found myself leaning into him, twisting in the seat until my face was pressed flat against his stomach, inhaling his intoxicating scent. He held me close, still chatting away with Dr. White while running his fingers through my hair.
At some point, the doctor left, patting me on his shoulder as he went, letting me know he would be in touch as soon as the results were in, and he’d like to see me in two weeks, regardless. The nurse took five vials of blood before passing me a cup to relieve myself into.
Beck grabbed my hand as I passed him, following the nurse toward the toilets. “Need me to come with you?”
“I think I can manage.”
“I know I keep saying this, but I am really proud of you. I know today wasn’t easy.”
“Thanks…Babe.” I threw him a wink, earning a chuckle in response. “But in all seriousness, thank you for being here.”
Dr. White calleda little after five pm to let me know my STI panel had come back clear. Beck let out an obnoxious whooping sound as the doctor delivered the good news, which had me diving to turn my phone off speaker and throwing Beck a silentwhat the fuck.
“Seems like you have been very lucky. Have a great evening, guys.” I couldn’t help but smile at the slight suggestiveness in his tone.
