Page 39 of Salvaged Heart
“Have you ever kissed anyone before?”Jonah was sitting next to me, his hair tied in a messy knot at the nape of his neck. I loved it long, but his Dad had been on his case lately about cutting it.
“No. You?” Maybe I should have been embarrassed, but I wanted to hear his answer more.
“Chloe from my algebra class last year.” He scrunched his nose, almost like the idea of such a thing offended him.
“Not good?”
I wasn’t interested in girls yet, but Jonah was two years older than me, and that seemed to be all boys his age could talk about. I hoped this wouldn’t be something he felt the need to speak to me about. I didn’t like the thought of him kissing Chloe very much, but I wasn’t sure why.
“It wasn’t bad. But…” He didn’t continue the sentence for a long time. He just looked at me with a strange expression,almost like he was debating how I would receive the words he intended to say.
“But what?”
“I kind of want to try kissing a boy next.”
I choked on the water I had been sipping. “Why?” I managed to ask once I’d finally swallowed it down.
Jonah’s brow furrowed.“I think I might like it better.”
I considered for a moment, realizing, much to my shock, that I seemed to like that idea better, too. The thought made my underwear feel suddenly tighter in the front, a reaction I couldn’t say I’d had before when thinking about girls. I shifted my position, hoping Jonah wouldn’t notice the slight bulge in my pants.
“I’m a boy.” The words came out as a startled squeak instead of the offer I'd intended it to be, almost like I had just realized the fact. My cheeks heated, but Jonah never made fun of me, no matter how immature I must sometimes seem to him.
“Yes,” He chuckled. “You are.”
“And I’m your best friend.” I felt all tingly and nervous. However, something in Jonah’s expression spurred me on. “If you wanted to try with me, that would be okay.” I couldn’t believe I was saying this.
“Would it?”
“Yeah. That way, no one else would have to know if you didn’t like it.” I tried to sound calm and unbothered, but I was suddenly very invested in him saying yes, which was strange, considering today was the first time I’d ever contemplated kissing him.
His hand came to my cheek, and I leaned into him instinctively. He held me there for a moment, his eyes dipping down to my lips before he brushed his mouth against mine. It was just a whisper of a touch at first, barely there before he pulled away. I worried I'd messed it up somehow, or maybethat slightest brush had been enough for him to realize he didn’t like the idea of kissing boys anymore. The problem was that it had been enough for me to realize I liked the idea very much.
I opened my eyes,trying to shake the memory, but it was useless.
He was there again, this time sixteen and seventeen and…
“Doyou think what we are doing is wrong?” My face was turned towards him as we lay in the bed of his truck. It was a birthday present from his Dad that had become our primary source of escape in the last few months.
“How could feeling this way ever be wrong?” He rolled onto his side, pulling me back towards him and kissing me softly. We had kissed a thousand times, but tonight, the air around us seemed to be charged with something more, something almost wild even, and I was dying to see where it might go. “I love you.” He whispered onto my lips.
“I love you,” I answered like my heart wasn’t jackhammering out of my chest as I said it. We hadn’t said those words to one another before, but I was determined to be cool about it.
He rolled me onto my back, putting his weight on his arm to the right of me and running his other hand down my chest and under the waistband of my jeans. The stars reflected off his golden hair. His kiss-bruised lips parted as we rocked into each other, the soft touch of his hand on my cock driving me wild. Frotting against one another with the awkward fumbling need of two horny teenagers who had no idea what they were doing but were desperately chasing that high.
I never wanted this moment to end.
I wanted to do this again and again and again.
Eighteen…
We were smokinga joint on the back deck of husband number three’s house, knowing full well that if he or my mother came out here and caught us, we’d be skinned alive. But I was past the point of caring what either of them thought. Jonah was too busy breaking my heart.
“This is my shot, babe. I’ll get out of this place and won’t have to deal with my Dad anymore.”
I sniffed, trying to hold back what were obviously tears. I’d known he would be leaving for college after graduating. That had always been the plan, but I hadn’t entertained the possibility that college might put him thousands of miles away. Why the West Coast? There were great schools a few hours from here.
“It’s just two years, and then you can apply.” His words meant nothing. Those two years would feel like an eternity. “And I’ll be back at Christmas, and in the summer…I promise we'll talk constantly…”
