Page 74 of Salvaged Heart
“A meeting?” I questioned.
It was thoughtful of him, but I could make it back to North Carolina without. I had been making an active effort to speak up in the group and get to know the other regular attendees. I had even gotten myself a sponsor at the never-ending encouragement of Kara and my therapist. Things would be more comfortable there.
Beck’s expression was halfway between hesitation and regret. “Not quite.” He pursed his lips and looked at me. Nerves began to jumble in my stomach. “I found Jonah.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Here?” I looked out the window, half expecting to see his ghost standing in the graveyard waiting for me. But the memory was already flooding back. Of course, this place looked familiar. I’d been here before, staring out of my mother’s car window as she told me if I didn’t get my shit together, I’d follow Jonah into the ground next. I’d been too lost in my grief to remember the exact church.
“Laurel and I were able to track his grave down a few months back. I’ve been visiting him.”
“You have? Why?”
“He’s important to you, and I figured he would understand the pain I was feeling not being able to be with you.” He squeezed my hand reassuringly. “It’s up to you if you want to go talk to him. I’ll come with you, or I can stay here, or we can turn the car around and pretend we never came. But I wanted you to at least have the option to say goodbye properly.”
It was the greatest gift he could have given me.
Months ago, all I needed was this closure. I’d told myself if only I knew where he was laid to rest, if only I could visit him and feel that connection once again, then maybe that would beenough to heal the deep ache in my chest. But it wasn’t there anymore. Instead, what was left was peace. I’d spent the last few months working on that broken part of myself, and while it would never be healed, I no longer needed this.
“Did it look like someone was taking care of him?”His grave.I had to know he hadn’t been forgotten.
He nodded. “A few times when I came, I saw an older man sitting with him. His dad, maybe? I don’t know. I stayed away when he was there.”
For some reason, that felt like enough.
“I think I’m good.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, that chapter of my life is closed. I don’t think visiting him will reopen it. I just don't think I need it like I once did. If that changes, I know where I can find him now.” I squeezed his hand back. “Thank you for giving me this, Beck. Thank you for visiting him. I’ll never be able to repay you for that.”
He held my cheek in his palm and kissed me softly. “You never need to repay me for anything. You love me, and that’s all I’ll ever need.”
If I’d thoughtthe drive to Nashville had been bad, it had nothing on the drive back to the lake. It seemed like all of Tennessee was taking the same roads, and we sat in traffic most of the way. My knee bounced with annoyance. Patience had never been my strong point. Beck tried to keep me entertained, chatting away about how he'd spent the last few months, pointing out things he saw along the side of the road, telling me stories of his childhood, and when all else failed, serenading me with bad ’90s country. This is why I preferred my bike. At leastthen, I could feel the wind against me, fresh air in my lungs, and the constant adrenaline that came with each engine rev.
By the time we pulled off the highway and onto the side streets wrapping around the lake, I wanted nothing more than to jump from the car and walk the rest of the way back to Kara’s. My legs were cramped, and my whole body vibrated with restless energy. I was taken aback when Beck took a right onto the peninsula instead of continuing straight in the direction of Kara’s house. But when he reminded me the bike was still parked at Arbor Ct, a nervous wave of anticipation rolled through me.
“It probably won’t even start,” I grumbled. “The thing was already on its last legs. No way it survived fall and winter outside.”
“You think I left it out in the elements? I brought it inside the day you left the hospital.” Of course, he had. Beck was thoughtful like that.
“They didn’t sell the house yet?” I presumed someone would have told me if it had, but as I had been unavailable for a few months and my share of the money wouldn’t be accessible for a year, maybe no one thought it necessary. “Hasn’t the renovation been done for weeks?”
“The last I heard, there'd been a couple of offers, but I don’t think they accepted one yet. Margery has been handling things.”
He turned into Arbor Ct, the house looking much like it had the last day I'd been here, except that the large oak trees lining the driveway had lost their leaves. A black for sale sign sat by the mailbox, turned towards the road. I was overcome suddenly by the realization that I’d almost died here. If Beck hadn’t saved me, this place would have been the last I’d seen. Like he could read my thoughts, he squeezed my knee, letting me know he was with me.
“Will you come inside?”
I nodded hesitantly. I hadn’t needed to see Jonah for closure on that part of my life. But this was different. This wasn’t putting the past behind me. It was an accomplishment, the beginning of my future. Coming to Arbor Ct. this summer led me to Beck. This place had transformed from everything I had been running from into everything I had been running to. I hadn’t seen the project completed, but I needed one last look inside. One last reminder of the distance I'd come since pulling up to the same steps back in June. It was a different house now, and I was a different man.
Beck unlocked the door slowly, taking my hand as we stepped inside. My jaw dropped as I took in the place. The hardwood was refinished, a new banister swept up the stairs, a chandelier sparkled overhead, and in the back, leading out to the back porch, was a set of gorgeous french doors. The lake glittered in the winter sun beyond. It was exactly like?—
“My drawing,” I whispered, stepping into the space to take it all in. “You redid it just like I’d pictured.”
He nodded. “There’s more.”
I let him guide me from room to room. Some I had seen completed, and others were brand new, but each matched the renderings I'd done all those months ago. It was as if Beck had picked my sketches up off the page.
I turned to thank him. He was smiling at me, and it was like looking at the goddamn sun. My chest ached at the thought that he had done this for me. Taken my sketches and turned them into something I could touch. But the thing that took my breath away was how much he’d believed in me, that he had seen my vision and thought it worthy enough to recreate.
