Page 48 of Vicious
I sighed. “It's called drugs. I have some. Probably a lot since you’ve become my dealer. But you can relax. I'm not brain damaged.” My mind went sideways for a moment, considering. “Much.”
“Yeah, well, you could have fooled me.” With her mouth pushed together in a thin line, she shoved to her feet and swatted at her tear-streaked cheeks. “What did you think would happen, Absidy? Going up against the doppelganger the way you did? Mase and I told you it wasn’t a good idea seconds before you waltzed in there and did it anyway. Every finger on your left hand was broken, and you’re covered in bruises. How much more of this heroic nonsense are you planning? Because I can’t take any more of it.” The volume of her voice rang off the metal walls inside the infirmary and split open one of the many dull aches in myhead.
I winced. “I liked it better when we were talking about counting and you weren'tyelling.”
“I'm not...” She dropped her head into the palm of herhand.
“What about my video? Did it get sent to theRingers?”
“Yes,” she said. “No word back yet. We have another four days until we get toOrin.”
Four days of nothing safe to eat. We would live, but it would beuncomfortable.
“And the doppelganger’s ghost?” I asked. “Has anyone seenit?”
“No.” She sniffed. “Not atrace.”
“Then why are you crying, Ellison?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from trembling with fear. “Is someone hurt? Besides me? Tellme.”
She gazed at the floor, fresh tears streaking her cheeks, while her mouth moved but nothing came out. After she cleared her throat, she swallowed, and crossed her arms across her white smock as if to keep herselftogether.
I squeezed the blanket on top of me with my good fist, bracing myself for the news of yet another death on this ship, that the Saelis had ended the Black War permanently, or something else just as catastrophic I hadn’t yetconsidered.
“You're pregnant,” shewhispered.
I sucked in a breath and blinked down at my feet tenting the blanket, digging the crease between my eyebrows deeper and deeper to help draw that word inside. Pregnant. A mix of emotions warred inside my heart until I didn't know what to feel. Pregnant, now, in the middle of a war while so many things hunted me,hauntedme, while the future of humanity hung by an unravelingthread.
It was terrifying. It was… No, it was justterrifying.
Ellison threaded her fingers through mine on my uninjured hand. I held tight to her so I wouldn’t drown withfear.
Pregnant.
“You have to tell him,” she said, voicesoft.
I barked out a laugh that twisted into a sob. My Mase, a father. I had no trouble imagining him with a child clinging to his neck, chasing after the little patter of feet, kissing ten little fingers and toes. He was caring and playful enough to make it work like a completenatural.
But me. A mother? What about the parasites crawling through my blood? And all the iron that had been a regular part of my diet since I was sixteen? I thought I'd accepted who I was meant to be, but this changed everything. My body wasn't fit for childbearing, and even if it was, what kind of life could I give it? I attracted malevolent ghosts wherever I went. I was a fugitive likely on a one-way trip to the prison planet. With me as its mom, the baby would live in constantdanger.
Tears burned down my face as I looked at Ellison, who covered her mouth to hide her trembling chin as more tears tracked down hercheeks.
"Is it okay?" I asked, because despite everything, that seemed to be the only thing that reallymattered.
She nodded, her tears falling harder. With a shaky breath, she wiped her face, then blew out a long stream of air to collect herself. "You can’t take any more risks like you did. You have to think of the baby first, you hearme?”
No more risks. But if the Ringers hadn’t responded to my video, then Plan B had failed. Plan C was the only other idea I could come up with, the one with “engine trouble,” which would allow Parker to board us so we could steal his ship, and Poh could turn me in—but not really—under the guise of making the Ringers tremble under the blackmail threat until they caved and let us through the rings. If this child had any chance at a future, at knowing Pop and Moon Dragon, we had to go through with it. We had to stop theSaelis.
But I couldn’t say any of that to Ellison, so I just nodded. She would try to talk me out of it. She wouldn’t understand, and I didn’t either, because it was a stupid, reckless plan. But I knew it was something I had todo.
"You have to tell him," she said again. "Soon, before it becomesobvious."
I gazed down the length of my body and hesitantly rested my gloved, splinted hand on my stomach. How would Mase react to creating a life with me? Would he be terrified, too, or would he break out into a devilish smile that always stuttered my heart while his mismatched eyes lit with happiness? Would he even still want me,us, once he found out I’d deliberately orchestrated Parker coming aboard this ship armed with the tantalizing He? No, he could stand against Parker if he knew he was coming. I had to tell him. But even if I did, I was about to put him and the captain, not to mention my own sister who’d more than proved she would literally go to the ends of the universe for me, in so much danger that I didn’t think I could forgive myself. I needed to tell all of them about the engine trouble plan. They needed to beready.
But between Ellison’s overprotective nature and the crew’s “Keep Absidy alive” mantra, they would probably physically tether me to a pole before they’d let Poh turn me in to the police. Especially now that I was pregnant. Ugh, this constant waffling back and forth was making mehurt.
“I'll tell him," I said, grazing my broken, gloved hand across my belly. I would tell him afterward, once the Ringers promised they would let us through and Poh and I came backaboard.
Ellison absently picked at the fibers on the blanket next to my arm. "And when you tell him, you both need to decide whether you want to keep thebaby."
