Page 77 of Dark Night Golden Dawn
“We were then, but not now, Harlow. Aislin McKay is still holding what she knows about me over my head and he’s never said a word to her. Never tried to stop her. I’m not telling you this to hurt you. I’m telling you because I know what’s at stake for you, and if you’re hoping that Finn McKay will stand up to his parents for you… Well, I love him dearly, he’s my commander, and I trust him with my life, but you should know what you’re getting into, Harlow.”
Harlow frowned, emotion stirring deep within her that she thought she’d left behind. “What would you do if you were me?” she asked.
Petra looked surprised to be asked, her brows wrinkling her eternally smooth forehead in a way Harlow thought was probably novel to her. “What do you mean?”
Harlow shrugged. “If you were me, falling for him all over again, what would you do?”
The immortal shook her head, her dark ponytail swishing down her back. Her brown eyes were the color of smoky topaz, and they glowed a little in the gloomy light of the park, the only thing that let Harlow know she was feeling something rather deeply. “Honestly, I don’t know. I’m hurt too. I don’t have a good answer for that.”
Mist from the waterfall hit Harlow in the face, carried by a gust of warm spring wind. The year was turning, something that usually pleased Harlow. Winter was ending, but her heart felt colder than it had in months. In fact, her entire body was frozen. She couldn’t move, couldn’t think. She was stuck in the hurt of the moment and wasn’t sure what to do.
Petra squeezed her arm then. “I am sorry. I really am. Please understand, this is the only way I can make amends—to tell you the whole truth.”
And then Petra was gone, using her Illuminated speed to leave Harlow standing in the park alone. The pressure of the eyes watching her intensified, but Harlow couldn’t bring herself to try to look for its source again; she was too flummoxed by what Petra had said. It began to rain again and Harlow didn’t move. She couldn’t. She just stood there getting soaked, thinking about what Petra had said, trying to ignore the feeling that she was being followed and the anger oozing in her chest like an infected wound.
ChapterThirty
Harlow didn’t remember much about the drive home, just the mounting anger building in her as she took turn after turn in the Woody. By the time she pulled into the driveway at Finn’s house, rage consumed her. Old rage, rage she should have let go of long ago, but that she couldn’t seem to part from for good. It was the constant in her life, the thread that tied each of her terrible choices together.
A logical part of her knew that things hadn’t been perfect before her sixth year in secondary. She’d always struggled with self-worth. Something to do with being smashed between four sisters who were all extraordinary in some way, while she never amounted to anything special. But that was the moment it had all come crashing down, when she’d shattered into pieces too small to put back together again—she’d looked at that mess andgiven up.
It was the giving up she couldn’t forgive herself for, and that lack of empathy for herself transferred all too easily to Finn. She walked slowly to the house, trying to let the pouring rain soothe her, but nothing could quiet the storm in her now. Finn, Alaric and Thea were sitting in the front living room together, in chairs she’d crafted from deadfall in the yard only yesterday. They looked up, startled by her appearance, she assumed.
Finn rose quickly, but Harlow’s hand shot out in front of her. “Don’t come near me.”
He drew back, as though she’d slapped him.
She stepped into the room, her voice sharp as a blade. “You knew what she was going through.” He looked lost, so she clarified. “Petra. You knew and you did nothing to stop your parents.”
Finn took a step towards her. “Harls… I can explain.”
She stepped back, shaking her head so hard it hurt. A headache split into the back of her skull so painful she was tempted to cry out. “No. Not unless you want to tell me she was lying.Was she lying to me?”The shrill sound of her voice surprised her.“Did you not know what she was going through, what she isstillgoing through? Do you not know what your mother is doing to her?”
His head hung in shame and Alaric and Thea both shifted uncomfortably, but Harlow got the impression they might be confused by what she was saying. Let them ask. She wasn’t going to enlighten them.
“What is she talking about, Finn?” Alaric asked, his voice gentle as he touched his friend’s arm.
Finn started to say something but Harlow stopped him, screeching. “Don’t youdaretell her secret. Not here. Not to anyone.”
He flinched, but she saw defeat in the angle of his shoulders. “She wasn’t lying to you. I knew.”
“The bullying. You knew why she did it?”
He nodded. “I suspected.”
A suppressed sob choked her. “Did you know how much it hurt her to do it?”
“I did.” His voice was flat. Resigned. “It’s why we stayed friends.”
Thea looked as though she might panic. She clutched Alaric’s arm so tightly Harlow could see the whites of her knuckles. Harlow was sure she was worried about what was coming next, and she wished she could spare her sister from this scene, seventeen hells, she wished she could spareherself.
But the words came tumbling out in a vicious outburst, meant to wound rather than expose her own vulnerability. “Did you know that I tried to kill myself in college? Because of how she treated me? Because of howyoutreated me, and everyone else who followed suit because of the two of you? I went to college and people werestilltreating me like shit because of you.”
The things she was saying were true, but they weren’t fair, or even accurate, and she knew it.Why was she saying these things? Why was she saying themthis way?But she couldn’t take the words back, not now. Her heart beat wildly as she began to panic; she was out of control in a way that was completely unfamiliar to her.
No one spoke. Axel wound himself around her legs and she picked him up. “I want to go home,” she said. Her words sounded alien to her, as though someone else was speaking from within her. This wasn’t how she’d wanted to tell Finn about this. She’d been angry in the park with Petra, but she hadn’t imagined coming home and creating this kind of scene. Her head pounded, feeling like an icepick driving into her brain.
Thea let go of Alaric now, rushing to Harlow’s side, taking her arm. Alaric’s eyes widened in shock. He moved to stand next to Thea, a clear sign of support for the woman he loved.
