Page 41 of Dark Night Golden Dawn
The only thing she could not change was herself. Any time she tried to do more than a basic glamour to enhance her beauty, the shadows refused, as if in disapproval, though there was something else behind the refusal—a sense that she was not ready yet, that there were other steps to take first. Aside from that, her imagination was her only limit, or so she thought. Then she attempted to create a living being from nothing. Just a moth, nothing larger like a mammal.
The shadows shrank back, and she felt the wrongness of it. She spoke aloud to them, apologizing, and then spent time in deep meditation communing with the source of magic as best she could. It didn’t use words to communicate, but she felt its desire as though it were speaking. She didn’t understand the power yet, but her affinity with it grew by the hour. As time went on, she understood that she could not create new life from nothing, but she could breathe new life into what was already available to her.
Harlow thought she had an excellent handle on things, for a beginner anyway, when she built a miniature replica of the house she’d dreamed of living in since she was a witchling from a cardboard box that she found in the trash. An irrepressible grin spread over her face, gazing at the gardens she built for it, when her phone buzzed. Annoyed by the interruption, she stepped away from her creation to check her phone.
It was a text from Finn.Ready for tonight? We should go to the thing at the White Oak, unless you want to go somewhere else.
Worry coursed through her, and fear. Not about the cocktail party, or even Solon Mai. They could manage that. But afterwards. The conversation she knew they had to have. So many scenarios ran through her mind, and all of them scared her. The ones the secret parts of her longed for scared her the most.
The White Oak is fine, she texted back, forcing herself to be brave.I’ll be there at 7.
When she turned back to her tiny dreamhouse, it was gone. She felt for the shadows and they did not respond. Her heart pounded. She’d made so much progress so quickly. Why was this happening now? She glanced at her phone and wondered.
The shadows didn’t like fear. Or maybe it was that she wasn’t able to wield them properly when she was afraid? She sat down to try to figure it out, but her mind flooded with memories. Finn smiling that half smile when she talked about her dreams as he sketched. His arms around her at a party, secret kisses. Laughing ‘til her sides ached over jokes only the two of them found funny.
She pushed away the thoughts of the night it all ended and let the way his demeanor changed the day after fill her mind’s eye. The way his gaze slid over her in the hallways at school, like she wasn’t even there. When she’d begged to talk to him, he’d laughed, and asked whatshecould have to talk withhimabout in an emotionless tone that had crushed her heart so fast she hadn’t seen what was coming.
And the months after. It wasn’t just Petra’s bullying. It was the way he looked away from both her and Enzo. The calls he never returned. The way she’d felt more lonely and desperate than she’d imagined possible. He’d left her empty, broken, a shell of her former self, and she’d spent the following years filling herself with as many lovers as possible. Kate Spencer had been a brief respite from those times, but then she’d gone back to Nea Sterlis and Harlow’s desperation returned. The drugs, the booze, anything to stop her from feeling the emptiness Finn left behind.
And then one night Mark Easton had held her hair back as she puked in a bush like it was the most natural thing in the world. He’d wiped Harlow’s mouth with his shirt and taken her home. When they fucked it was the most alive Harlow had ever felt, and Mark wasproudof her. Proud to be with her. Or at least he had been at first. Harlow thought that feeling could last forever. But of course it hadn’t. Being with Mark had made everything worse.
Could she ever stop operating from this place of fear? The hurt she felt was so deep, so impenetrable, she didn’t know if she could ever reach the end of it. Something soft as silk brushed her hands. The shadows flit between her fingers, winding up her arms as though they wanted to comfort her.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
The darkness in her sang in response and she let the notes wash over her. Surrounded by her beautiful dark magic, Harlow closed her eyes and dipped into the fluid sadness, letting herself sink deep into it for the first time in years.
Harlow didn’t know how long she disappeared for, but when she came to Axel was licking her fingertips and it was nearly six thirty. She’d have to hurry if she wanted to meet Finn at the White Oak on time. First, she called for a car, then texted Enzo to find out what she was supposed to wear, and groaned when the answer was all too simple:The little black dress. Heels.
She knew the one and had been dreading it. Once she had smoked out her eyes with black shadow she pulled it on, whispering a prayer to Aphora that she’d look all right. When she checked herself in the mirror, she smiled. She actually liked it.
“What do you think?” she asked Axel, who merely yawned and settled into the blankets for a long nap.
The black velvet wrapped around her in soft folds that hugged her hips and waist, propelling her bust into prominence via the low neckline of the dress. Long sleeves covered her arms—it was still too cold for shorter sleeves at night— and the dress fell to just below her knees, so she wouldn’t have to worry about accidentally flashing anyone. When she stepped into the simple black pumps she smiled again. She could walk in these. Enzo had thought of everything.
Harlow fed Axel and then hurried downstairs to catch her car. The driver, a human in their mid-fifties, greeted her and then returned to listening to an art history podcast, leaving Harlow to her own devices as they wound through the city. She was nervous about leaving Axel for the evening, but knew he’d be fine on his own. Before things had gone so wrong with Mark, he’d always been fine by himself.
Besides, Larkin had promised to check in on him. Harlow knew she was being overly anxious, but she texted her youngest sister one more time to remind her. There was a near-instantaneous reply:I’m already headed to your place with a pizza and a ginormous box of toys and stuff Mama bought him. She’s not-so-secretly in love with your cat. Stop worrying and have fun, catmom.
Harlow shot off a thank you and closed her eyes, taking deep breath after deep breath, and before she knew it they’d reached the White Oak. It was Nuva Troi’s most prominent whiskey bar, located in a renovated warehouse in Midtown. It was always trendy, but tonight it was lit with witchlights, music floating onto the street.
She was alone tonight, which was both good and bad. The maters and the twins had gone to a big party down by the wharf that seemed tailored to the season’s slightly younger crowd and their parents, and Enzo and Thea were attending a party in Uptown. Something at one of the wineries’ tasting rooms. She was glad she didn’t have to go to that—she’d rather drink whiskey if she had to drink at all.
As the car drove off, she lingered for an extra moment outside, feeling nervous.
“Going in?”
She turned to find Alaric standing next to her, dazzling her with his casual beauty. “Yes, are you?”
He grinned. “Nope. I got my wires crossed with your sister and thought she was coming here, but she said she was going to that thing at Cask & Vine. Wishful listening on my part, I guess.I don’t really like wine.” He whispered the last sentence conspiratorially, as a goofy smile spread across his face.
Harlow smiled. It was impossible not to be charmed by him.
“Finn’s inside already, and I happen to know that my cousin is at the wharf party tonight.”
Harlow chuckled. “Well, at least there’s that.”
He squeezed her shoulder. “Gotta dash. Can’t keep my girl waiting.”
