Page 19 of Christmas By Lamplight
“Yeah, it was. But it’s not what I want anymore.”
She could barely say, “Why?”
“I found something here that I didn’t know I’d longed for. You’ve built more than a bookstore. It means something to the people here. And you mean something to me.”
Carrie reached for the stool by the counter and sat before her knees gave out on her. Tanner was here, which on its own was a bit overwhelming. And he was saying things she didn’t dare believe could be true. But what made her heart go weightless was the look in his eyes and the unsteady sound of his voice. It was so unlike the sure, resonant sound she was used to hearing in his recordings.
“As I sat in that meeting, all I could think of, all I wanted, was here. I loved being a part of this life—of your life—not because you need me. You clearly don’t. But because I need you.”
The vulnerable look in his eyes nearly made her head swim. It was all Carrie could do to think, let alone speak. “But your career?—”
“My career is fine. Better than fine, actually. The scandal’s blowing over, which means I can get back to work doing what I actually love—reading books. I can narrate from anywhere, even a small town with one bookshop and a lamp in the window.” He took her hands in his, stared at them for a moment, then looked into her eyes. “If that bookshop’s owner wants me here, that is.”
The air left her lungs.
He moved closer. “I want to be part of what you’re building here. I want to be part of your life, if you’ll have me.”
Say something. But she couldn’t. All she seemed able to do was gaze numbly. No words would come out.
Tanner went on in that voice that resounded deep down to her soul. “I love how you’re able to find just the right book with a particular magic for each child or adult who walks into your shop. And no one organizes sugar packets like you.” He flashed that winning smile that always undid her. “But I think it was when you stapled my shirt to the shelf that I knew this was going to be . . . something.”
“Once. I stapled you once.” Carrie felt her face flush.
“And I’ve been hooked ever since.” His thumb brushed her cheek. “So what do you say? Want a semi-famous voice actor who’s good with tools and makes questionable life choices?”
If she had any sense, she’d think this through and realize this could be just a phase. He could come to his senses and go back to LA in a heartbeat, but her heart was beating too loudly to hear herself think. A practical person would be able to see all the ways this could go wrong. But practical was the last thing she was feeling at the moment.
Instead, she softly said words that were etched in her heart, “I have loved you ‘against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be.’”
She’d barely finished when Tanner drew her into his arms and kissed her—not gently, not tentatively, but with everything he’d held back since he’d met her. And she kissed him back and unleashed all the passion she’d hidden in her heart, tucked away just for him. His hands combed into her hair, and her back pressed against the counter.
When they broke apart, she said while catching her breath, “So, you’re staying?”
He laughed. “I think that’s what I’ve been trying to say. Yes. Yes, I’m staying.” He rested his forehead against hers. “I want to fix your shelves. Read to the children at your next hospital fundraiser. Make you coffee every morning. Maybe change up the sugars just to keep you on your toes.”
“Oh, I’m on my toes. But we will need a Santa next year.”
“Sign me up.” He drew her close and kissed her again.
The doorbell rang. Carrie opened the door to find Shannon with a bottle of champagne and a plate of Christmas cookies. “I thought you could use some Christmas Eve company, so I—” She glanced over and saw Tanner. “Oh! Hi.” Her eyes went from Carrie to Tanner and back to Carrie again, as if she were watching a tennis match. She then tiptoed to the nearest side table. “So, I’ll just set these down here and be on my way. Merry Christmas!” With a wave, she made a dash for the door.
Carrie caught her arm. “No, you’re staying.”
Shannon wrinkled her face. “Just for a minute.”
While Carrie went to the kitchen and got out three champagne flutes, Shannon plopped onto a stool. “So, guys, what’s going on? Anything new?” She glanced about expectantly.
True to her word, Shannon stayed a few minutes and then left for her family’s Christmas Eve gathering. Tanner built a fire, and they ordered a pizza and watched The Shop Around the Corner.
At midnight, the church bells rang and snow fell. Tanner pulled her to the window, and they watched it come down, turning Main Street into a sight of pristine snow-dusted magic.
“Jade was right,” he said. “Snow is more beautiful when you’ve been waiting for it.”
“Is that what we were doing? Waiting?”
“I think so. I think we’re all waiting until we find home.”
She leaned against him, his arms around her, and peace settled in her chest. Peace. Belonging. Home.
