Page 34 of Curses and Cornstalks
I shouldn’t be thinking about him at all…
But I can’t help it.
He’s all I think about.
It’s no surprise that Madelyn picks up on it.
“You’re starting to worry me,” she says one morning while we’re feeding the barn animals. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”
I shift on the spot, clutching an empty feed bag.
Okay seems like a stretch.
Manageable? Tolerable? Yeah, that’s more like it.
“Yeah, everything’s fine.”
“Liar.” She narrows her eyes at me. “If you aren’t happy here, Cassie, no one will be upset if you leave. Of course, we love having you, but I know life on the farm isn’t glamorous. You’re used to the city and it’s a huge change…”
“Iamhappy.”
Sort of.
I’d be a lot happier if I didn’t have to sneak around to see Atticus, but I can’t risk getting caught. The same car being parked outside a field no one is supposed to enter won’t go unnoticed for long.
Maddie sighs and blows a stray hair out of her face. “I want to believe that, Cass. I do. But most days you look like a fox got in your chicken coop.”
I huff a laugh. “I know. I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Well, it better not be your piece of shit ex,” she grumbles, bending to slice open another bag of feed. We’ve been out here for an hour working, and she’s hardly broken a sweat; she makes it look easy.
“It’s not. Promise.” As if I’d waste another second of my life thinking about him. “I’ll be fine.”
She shoots me a look but doesn’t argue as we finish up the chores and head back to the house. I pause on the porch, staringout across the vast field that stretches into the distance, my eyes locked on the cornfield I can barely make out on the horizon.
I sigh and head inside.
If I don’t want the family asking questions or prying, I have to do a better job at concealing my feelings. A better job at pretending everything is fine.
So, I try.Hard.
When the neighbors, the Smiths, invite us over for dinner, I go. Their oldest son spends the whole evening glancing at me across the table, and I try to be polite. Madelyn swears he’s a nice man, and he comes from money, but I don’t like the way he chews. Not interested.
Maybe if we never had to share meals together, I’d consider it, but that’s not realistic.
Besides, there’s someone else occupying my mind that I can’t shake, no matter what.
I apply for a few jobs around town, at the market and the local pharmacy. I even fill out a few applications for remote work online, answering calls or replying to emails for big name companies I’ve never heard of. I need a distraction, anything to keep my restless thoughts at bay, and farm chores aren’t cutting it.
Life is too quiet at my aunt and uncle’s house; there’s too much free time for my mind to wander.
Right back to the cornfield.
I want to go back. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to distract myself, it’s the only thing I think about. How long it’ll be until I see him again, what we’ll talk about when I get there. He lives in my mind every minute of the day, and I dream of getting lost amongst the cornstalks. Even if it’s only for a little while.
But is that really what’s best?
Atticus’ warning echoes through my thoughts, repeating like a bad weather siren. If the townspeople notice me hanging around the field, they’ll start asking questions. Investigating.
