Page 100 of Not Another Yesterday
“I miss you,” he says.
I freeze, standing stock-still, unwilling to take even a single breath out of fear he’ll take those words right back, will yank them—and my feet—out from underneath me.
He inhales, the sound ragged. “I know I fucked up. I thought I had it figured out, but I honestly have no idea what I’m doing. The one thing I know is that I’m fucking lost without you, Cat.” His Adam’s apple bobs with his forced swallow. “I never wanted to hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I really just want to keep you safe. You deserve to be happy. You deserve everything you want.”
“I want you,” I whisper. “You make me happy.”
The motion light behind Ronan clicks off, and we vanish into stark night. He waves his left arm once, casting us back into warm light.
His brow is set, his jaw clenched when our eyes meet again.
“I want you, too. Cat, you’re…everything.”
Relief should flood me, should rush in like a spring tide and sweep away all the fear and doubt, but instead, something in his face stopsit short. There’s weight there. Hesitation. A heaviness behind his eyes that says this isn’t the part where we fall back together.
“Then what’s stopping us?” I ask. It comes out a whimper.
His gaze drops. “Me.” He says it so quietly, I almost miss it.
Elongated silence stretches between us like black tar. I have no idea what to say and instead plead with the universe that Ronan didn’t just slam the door on a potential future for us. But then he straightens, shoulders squared, and lifts his eyes to mine with unmistakable resolve.
“Do you love me, Cat?”
I blink at him, at his absurd question. “Yes.”
“Okay. Then I need to tell you some things.”
“Okay?”
“Okay. And… I’m doing this so you know. Like, really,reallyknow.”
I have absolutely no idea what’s going on, where this is going, but I don’t interrupt.
“I want… I’m going to tell you everything. And then it’s up to you. What happens to us after? It’ll be up to you. And whatever you decide…” he squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. “I don’t want to hurt you, but I also can’t lie to you anymore, so…” he trails off, his voice cracking.
“Ran,Ihurtyou,” I say, my voice trembling. “Not the other way around. I kissed that guy at that party and—”
“I slept with Randi.”
The words don’t register at first. Not fully. It’s like a delay in my system, a buffer loading pain. “W-what?” I choke. “What do you mean?”
“I had sex with her,” he says, his words like a speeding bullet to my chest.
“When?” I ask meekly.
“Yesterday,” he says like he’s confessing to murder. And in a sense, he is. He’s killing my heart. IknewTori was wrong. Iknewthere wassomething going on between them. But then why is he telling me he wants me?
“Why?” It’s all I can think to ask.
Before he can answer, the light clicks off again.
“Fuck,” he mutters, raising his arm to trip the motion sensor.
The lights come on, and I see it. Just behind Ronan, in the tall grass, a flash of movement. Two glowing orbs. No, not orbs.Eyes.
I gasp, instinctively stepping back.
“Cat?” Ronan’s voice cuts through my panic. His eyes follow mine, and he turns slightly, just enough to look over his shoulder.
