Page 106 of Not Another Yesterday
She giggles again. “I’m a lot like Rony in that way. Hyper-independent. But hey, tuning in to him isn’tbad.It’s only bad when—”
“When I sacrifice my own well-being in the process,” I say. “Yeah. I’ve been reading about that too.”
Miranda nods. “Okay, well, it doesn’t sound like you’re asking for a therapy session, so I’ll wrap this up. Rony loves you. He wants to be with you. He and I are just friends. The reason he trusts me with his dark side is because he knows mine. And trust?” She shrugs. “Honestly, it’s too strong a word. He only shares because I don’t give him a way out. I’m just an annoying pest who won’t leave him alone until he talks.”
I nod. But she’s still left out one huge part.
“So… if he loves me, if he wants to be with me, why did you two have sex two days ago?”
Her eyes flick to me for the span of a heartbeat. “Because I took advantage of his vulnerability,” she says, voice quiet. “I knew you two were broken up. And I won’t lie, I did want to see if there could be something between us.”
She exhales.
“We were at my cabin. He was talking about how he didn’t think real happiness was in the cards for him. That he didn’t think he’d ever measure up to what you deserve. That it’d be safer if he was alone. I told him he deserved to be happy. And… I made a move.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to erase the image.
“He couldn’t finish,” she says.
My eyes fly open. I stare at her, unsure I heard right.
“He wasn’t really with me, Cat. Not emotionally. He was just… going through the motions. Like he used to do when he was fourteen. He was trying to sedate himself with sex. I don’t blame him. But he couldn’t finish. Because he didn’t actuallywantit. He didn’t wantme.He wantsyou.Only you.”
I sit frozen, her words heavy and hollow in my chest.
Miranda opens the glove box, pulls out a pack of tissues, and offers them to me. It’s only then that I realize tears are streaking down my cheeks.
She gives me a small, warm smile. “You know, when he was in Tennessee, I asked him flat out why he didn’t talk to you about his worries. About his grandma. His dreams. All of it. Wanna know what he said?”
My throat is constricted, so I just nod.
“He said your love for him was so pure. That you were whole and unbroken. Not stained like him.” Her voice cracks.
I sit in the heavy silence for a moment. “Do you think Saoirse would be mad if we didn’t pick up the cake and drove straight back to the ranch so I can find Ran and talk to him?”
Ronan
“Gotta be honest here, Ran, when you said you were gonna talk to Cat last night, I didn’t think you meant the animal,” Shane says, biting back a grin.
Steve chuckles. “You know Ran and those cougars.”
I roll my eyes so hard, it actually hurts. “Wow, guys, you should consider turning Murphy’s into a damn comedy club and starring as the headliners.”
Tori giggles. “I’d ask what you did to piss that cat off so much, but then you’d be forced to ask me which one I meant.”
I nod slowly, lips pressed together. “I see Shane’s rubbing off on you. Shame. I really liked you, Tor.”
They laugh, and I even manage my usual half-smile, but it doesn’t reach my eyes. They don’t know that I barely slept. That I spent the hours in bed turning over every single thing that has gone wrong, trying to figure out how I ever became the guy who deserved them. If I’m being honest, last night couldn’t have gone worse.
Those couple minutes between Cat spotting the thing behind me and my grandpa landing the perfect shot—I swear I felt the air disturbance from the bullet speeding past my head—stretched on forever. I just stood there, locked in a staring contest with that fucker, praying Cat was doing exactly what I told her to do: get in the damn house.
She did. But I didn’t hear much of anything until my grandpa hollered at me to stand still. All I could focus on was that wildcat baring every single tooth, snarling, inching closer like it had already decided I was the perfect damn midnight snack. And here I thought Miranda was the perfect prey. Turns out, it was me. Mountain lions usually ambush their prey from behind, so while I worried mostly about Cat, I’m certain it had its sights on me.
Needless to say, I’m eager to finally get the chance to talk to her. My plan is to get back to the house where everyone’s gathering for lunch and pull her outside with me to talk. We can eat later.
But when the four of us walk inside, Cat is nowhere to be seen. She isn’t with her family, either, when they join us ten minutes later, faces sun-kissed from what I’m gathering was a nice hike on my grandparents’ ranch.
It’s when my dad, grandpa, Seamus, Thomas, and Elias seat themselves around the table that my stomach officially drops. Everyone’s here, except Cat… and Miranda.
