Page 183 of Not Another Yesterday
The air leaves my lungs. My knees give out and I drop back into the chair.
“I… I don’t know,” I whisper. Everything’s spinning. I drop my head into my hands, trying to hold it together, trying to stop the world from crashing down around me.
The doctor lowers herself into the seat next to me. “That’s alright,” she says gently. “I have to get back to your wife. I’ll come find you afterward. Give you some time to decide.”
My wife. My son.
Fuck.
I manage a slight nod, the weight of her words crushing me.
But then a thought slams into my chest. I reach for her, stopping her mid-stride.
“We were intimate a few hours ago,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. “We… we had sex. Could that have been the reason for—”
She shakes her head before I can finish. “No. You don’t have to worry about that. Sex and orgasms can sometimes trigger contractions, but this wasn’t caused by that. Cat’s abruption was severe, and notrelated to anything you did. These things… sometimes they just happen.” Her expression softens. “We’ll run tests, see if we can determine a cause. I’ll come find you once she’s out of surgery.”
She offers a small, sympathetic smile—meant to comfort—and then she’s gone, off to save the woman I love more than anything.
The moment she disappears, I bolt out of the ER, crashing through the doors like I can outrun the grief clawing at my insides. The cool morning air hits my lungs hard. I gulp it down like I’m drowning.
I pace. I rake my hands through my hair, across my face, over and over again. I want to scream. I want to run until my legs give out. But I don’t. Of course I don’t.
So I just keep pacing—back and forth on the sidewalk—until I calm myself down enough to go back inside. Back to the waiting room. Back towaiting.
My eyes burn from exhaustion, but I don’t dare close them. Not until I know Cat’s okay. I keep checking my watch. Then my phone. Then my watch again. Twenty minutes since I last spoke to the doctor, but it feels like fucking hours.
Then my phone buzzes in the pocket of my sweats. It’s Shane.
“How’s Cat?” he asks. No hello, just urgency.
I sigh, dropping my elbows to my knees, tipping my head forward as I press the phone to my ear.
“I don’t know,” I say, my voice fraying. “She’s in surgery.”
“What happened?” Tori’s voice now. I must be on speaker.
“Cat… her placenta abrupted. The baby didn’t make it,” I say. “They’re doing an emergency C-section now. Trying to control the bleeding. And… deliver the baby.” My throat tightens around the last words. “It was a boy,” I choke.
Tori gasps.
“Ran, I’m so sorry,” Shane says, and his voice cracks.
“Shay?” I breathe, reaching for the only thing I can. His voice. My best friend.
“I’m here, Ran.”
And thank god for that!
“They asked if I want to see him. After he’s delivered.” I swallow hard. “I don’t know what the right thing is.”
There’s a pause. I hear him inhale shakily, and I can picture him sitting up, pressing a hand over his mouth, steadying himself for me.
“Don’t think, Ran. Just feel. Don’t worry about what’s right or wrong right now. What doyouwant? If you want to see him, see him. If you don’t, that’s okay too. This isn’t anyone else’s decision. I’m so fucking sorry.”
We fall silent for a moment, each of us struggling with the heaviness of the moment.
“What can I do?” Shane asks, his voice thick with emotion.
