Page 154 of Not Another Yesterday
I frown. “Why?”
“I know you want to be there for me, and I love you for that. But I need to do this without you. I honestly don’t even want my dad there, but he’s obviously really insistent.”
I stare at him, feeling that familiar pang. “Because we know how you get, Ran. You’ll shut down, you’ll lock it away, pretend you’re fine. And I can’t lose you again, sweet boy.”
I rest my hand on my stomach, on that tiny baby bump, invisible under Ronan’s shirt. “I’ve always needed you… but Ireallyneed you now.”
He places his hand over mine. His voice is thick when he says, “You won’t lose me. I promise. I’ll talk to you about it. If it’s bad, I’ll tell you. But I need to do this. Alone. Or at least—”
“Without me,” I finish for him.
“Please don’t take this personally, baby. I love you. You’re my fucking world. I want to be everything you need me to be. I want to be everything ourbabyneeds me to be.” His voice breaks slightly onbaby, and it makes my eyes sting.
“I need to know that I can face this. And if it turns out like shit, I need to be able to process this for a minute before I pick myself up off the ground and keep on keeping on, okay?”
I nod. “Okay.” Then I throw my arms around him, needing to feel him close. He wraps his arms around my waist, holding me like he means it.
“Just remember, if it turns out like shit, that saysnothingabout you,” I whisper. “You aren’t capable of the things you worry about. I know it.Everyoneknows it. I get why you need to find out, but fight the urge to spiral, okay? Please, Ran, fight!”
“I will,” he promises me.
***
He finishes making us breakfast, and we eat together with Tori and Shane, the four of us squeezed around the tiny kitchen table like some weird little chosen family. Afterward, I get ready to put some hours in at my mom’s practice while Ronan throws a few essentials into hisbackpack so he won’t have to do it in the middle of the night. He leaves before I do to pick up some supplies, then head into Murphy’s to open the place up. It’ll be a long day for him. He’ll be there until at least two in the morning.
Once the door closes behind him, I glance toward the kitchen, where Tori and Shane are already loading dishes into the sink.
“What do you guys think? About Ronan finding his uncle?” I ask.
Shane sighs. “I don’t know. I always worry about him. Ran’s real good at acting like nothing touches him, but we all know he gets stuck in his own head. Deep.”
“I’m so worried,” I say, the words slipping out with a weight I hadn’t planned to voice. “What if it goes wrong?”
“Then we’ll do what we always do,” Tori says calmly. “We’ll help him pick up the pieces.”
I shake my head, my chest tightening. “Yeah, but he didn’t leave you two. He leftme.And I can’t—” My voice cracks. “I can’t lose him. Not now. Not ever.”
I rest a hand on my stomach. “We have a baby on the way. I can’t do this without him.”
Tori steps forward and gently places a hand on my arm. “He’s not going to leave you again,” she says with steady conviction.
“No way in hell,” Shane says. “Ran already figured out that breaking up with you did nothing but make you both miserable. Look, he’s back in therapy, yeah? And he’s actually talking more. I’ve seen him trying not to shut us out. That’s real progress.”
He gives me a half-smile. “I’m gonna give you the same advice I give him all the damn time: don’t go down the rabbit hole. Don’t live in your head too much.”
I let out a shaky breath, grateful and still scared.
“It’ll be what it’ll be,” Shane says, more softly this time. “Let’s just hope—for once—it turns out okay. Ran needs a win.”
I couldn’t agree more.
Shane chuckles. “Sooo… I don’t know if this is a good time or whatever, but I feel like you should know—I’ve got a pot going.”
My eyebrows shoot up. “For what?”
“Bets,” Tori says with a small shrug. “On whether you’re having a boy or a girl, and when you’ll actually give birth. I said girl. January second.”
I laugh. “Are you serious?”
