Page 132 of Not Another Yesterday
Ronan clears his throat. “Have you… have you had any, like, symptoms?” he asks into the thick silence of the car.
I shake my head. “Not really. I mean, I haven’t thrown up or anything. The only weird thing was when I went to lunch with Vada, Summer, and Tori.”
His eyebrows rise slightly. “Yeah?”
“When the waiter brought out the ribs I ordered, I smelled them and just… couldn’t. Like, I felt instantly sick. And you know how much I love ribs.”
A small smile tugs at his lips. “Yeah, I’m aware of your rib obsession.”
I manage a faint laugh. “But no other symptoms, really. I’m not nauseated, I don’t feel extra emotional, my boobs don’t hurt, my skin isn’t acting weird, my vision hasn’t changed, no weird headaches…”
His jaw drops a little. “Those are all pregnancy symptoms?”
“Oh yeah,” I say, shrugging. “Just a few of many indicators.”
He frowns, almost like the idea physically pains him. “Jesus. I mean, I knew pregnancy wasn’t a cakewalk, but I guess I never really thought about all the stuff you go through. Besides, you know… labor.”
A flutter expands in my chest. “Are you worried about me?”
He huffs. “Of course I’m worried about you. Fuck, this whole thing is…” He grips the steering wheel tighter, knuckles whitening. “I didn’t want this for you. For us. This complicates things so much.” There’s a roughness in his voice that makes my throat close up.
“I’m so sorry, Ran,” I say quietly.
He shakes his head. “Stop apologizing. Pretty sure it took both of us to make this happen,” he says, gritted.
My phone vibrates in my lap with a group text from Tori to me, Vada, and Summer.
Tori:
I’m just kind of checking if you’re still alive? I just got home and neither you nor Ran are here, sooooo…
My friends have been my lifeline this weekend, anchoring me with distraction and compassion. They helped me through the longest hours, when it felt like I might cry myself into dehydration. And this morning, Tori delivered the pep talk of all pep talks, reminding me it’s going to be okay, that I can trust Ronan, trust myself, that I’m not alone and never will be. But after breaking the news to Ronan, I didn’t have the energy or the emotional bandwidth to text my friends. I can tell they’re concerned by my radio silence.
Me:
Still alive. Ran’s taking me to my doctor's appointment right now.
Vada:
And? Reaction?
Me:
He’s freaked out, but he’s still Ran.
It’s all I need to say. I know they’ll understand exactly what that means. That he’s stillmyRan, the one who’d lie in front of an oncoming train if it meant keeping me safe.
Tori:
Just like we thought. Keep us posted after your appointment.
“Everything alright?” Ronan’s voice draws me out of the group chat.
I nod. “Yeah. The girls just wanted to know if I’d told you. And if your reaction was what I expected.”
He keeps his eyes on the road. “What did you expect my reaction to be?”
Guilt wells up in my chest, pressing against the stack of other emotions I’ve been carrying all weekend. “I thought… I thought maybe you wouldn’t want anything to do with this. With me.”
