Page 131 of Not Another Yesterday
Even saying the word feels unreal.
“I have an appointment this afternoon,” she says.
I blink. She must have called her doctor while I was in the shower or in the basement, completely oblivious to what she was carrying around with her.
“What time?” I ask.
“At three.” She hiccups.
“Okay. I’ll tell Shay I’ll be late this evening. I promised him I’d work the Monday night shift since he covered for me while I was in Boston, but I can just come in thirty minutes late if I need to.”
Cat stares at me, surprise etched into her brow.
“You want to come with me?”
“Yeah. I mean… if it’s okay with you,” I say. It stings a little that she seems so surprised. “Baby, you’re not alone in this, okay?”
She won’t go through any of this alone. Not if I have anything to say about it.
She falls against me, fresh sobs bursting from her like a dam breaking. “I’m so afraid of losing you again.”
And god, I hate myself. Ireallyfucked up when I let her go. No wonder she doesn’t trust this. Doesn’t trust me to stick around.
I lift her chin gently until her eyes meet mine. “You’re not going to lose me. I’m yours. I love you. We’re in this together.”
I pull her against me and hold her for a long time as neither of us speak.
“In case I haven’t told you yet… I missed you while I was in Boston,” I say eventually. “Especially when you stopped answering my calls.”
“I’m sorry, Ran. I just…”
“It’s okay,” I say, brushing a strand of tear-damped hair out of her face. “The last couple of days couldn’t have been easy.”
She looks up at me with red, watery eyes.
“You know you can talk to me, right?” I ask gently.
She nods. “Yeah. But I needed to tell you this in person. I couldn’t do it over the phone.”
“Who all knows?” I ask. “Tori, obviously… anyone else?
“Vada and Summer,” Cat says. “They were with me when I found out.”
“I’m glad you weren’t alone.”
“I still felt alone, though. You weren’t there.”
My chest tightens. “How do you feel now?”
“Freaked out. Confused. Really scared.” She sighs. “But… relieved that you know.”
Just like that, in a single conversation, life has changed. Again. And, fuck, I’m scared too.
Cat
The rest of the afternoon passed in a daze with quiet movements, soft touches, a heavy, shared silence. We didn’t say much, but Ronan stayed close, orbiting around me like he was afraid to be alone. Or maybe he was afraid of me being alone. I don’t know.
When it’s finally time, we walk to his car like we’re headed somewhere neither of us want to be. The more lights we pass, the closer we get to the doctor’s office, the harder my heart hammers in my chest.
