Page 82 of A Fae in Finance
“So… today, we can talk about taxes,” I started as I headed for the front of the room.
Kellen’s hand shot up.
“Kellen, I’m not—”
“I SAW A WOMAN AND SHE WAS HUMAN AND I GAVE HER A LEAF I FOUND IN THE PARK AND SHE MOCKED MY GIFT, FREELY GIVEN, AND I SHALL NEVER RETURN TO THE MORTAL REALM AGAIN.”
Sahir looked up from his laptop. I raised an eyebrow at him. He shrugged. This usually meantDo whatever you want. I shrugged back at him, which meantI have no idea what to do.
“Perhaps instead of taxes, you would like to explore human mating rituals,” Sahir suggested. The tiny smirk twisting his mouth reminded me that he’d sworn fealty to me but he’d never sworn not to put me in mortifying situations he’d find hilarious. In the depths of my soul, something curled up and died.
“Kellen, do you want to talk about it?” I asked gently. “I don’t think you made an error. I think maybe she just… didn’t see how valuable the gift was.”
“FREELY GIVEN,” Kellen repeated, still at volume.
I glanced around the classroom. “Does anyone have any ideas about why the human woman might have laughed?”
A newer student threw their tentacle into the air, dislodging a good amount of viscous slime. I watched the slime reach its parabolic height and descend, inglorious, into the fires of Gaheris’s head.
“What do you think…?” I asked, trailing off so they would give their name.
“Herman,” the student supplied. “I have spent time in the ocean. I love the ocean.”
“The ocean is great,” I agreed.
“I have watched many human mating rituals from the shallow warm waters by the shore. Kellen should have given her the shell of an Atlantic moon snail, the desiccated corpse of a proud mollusk for her to thread around her neck.”
“Humans appreciate corpses?” asked Herman’s seatmate, a faerie with rubbly skin like a starfish.
“Humans appreciatenecklaces,” another classmate corrected before I could jump in. “Herman has misunderstood the value of the gift.”
“Humans appreciate a lot of different things,” I interrupted. “But humans are like you. Everyone places different value on different things. Some people might like seashells, and some people might like leaves, and some people might like necklaces.”
“And some people like corpses!” Herman chimed in.
“Then how could I have avoided my error?” Kellen asked, his voice sunken in despair. “Should I have brought her a corpse as well?”
I hesitated. “I think you need to learn what each person likes,” I said. “I think you can’t give someone a leaf until you know them.”
I glanced over at the Princeling, who had pressed his lips together so tightly they’d all but disappeared. I couldn’t tell if he was suppressing laughter or the desire to strike me where I stood.
We stared at each other. I realized I should probably address the corpse thing before it became a national incident.
“Also, Herman, I appreciate your contribution, but… people don’t like corpses. Please never give someone a corpse.”
And with that, I turned to the scintillating topic of the American tax system.
As I left two hours later, everyone more confused about taxes than when I’d started, I saw Sahir and the Gray Knight leaning against a wall and murmuring to each other. Sahir nodded as I passed, but the Gray Knight didn’t meet my eye.
I woke to someone standing over my bed.
“Did youlie with the Gray Knight?” Sahir asked, ruining my middle of the night.
I groaned and rolled over. “You have been herea month, Miriam,” he continued, in a voice depressingly reminiscent of my freshman-year college roommate’s when she gave me the same lecture.
“Don’t you have better things to do?” I asked, shoving into a seated position because he was clearly geared up for a speech. I stared at his silhouette, a deeper black against the darkness of the room.
He waved his left hand at the will-o’-the-wisp who liked to sleep on my bedside table. The wisp lit up accordingly. “I have many things to do, but I am your knight, and therefore, I have nothing more important to do.”
