Page 40 of Once Upon A Small Town Secret
“He freaked out about Jason finding out and said it never should’ve happened.” I swallow, fighting back the tears I’ve refused to let fall. “Likeone minuteafter. I was barely dressed.”
Mom’s expression softens, the kind of softness that feels like it might unravel me if I’m not careful. She reaches across the table, resting her hand over mine. “Oh, honey.”
I shake my head quickly, blinking hard. “I told him it was fine. That we could pretend it never happened. And I meant it— at least, I thought I did. But now…” My voice wavers, and I clear my throat. “Now it’s like I can’t stop replaying it in my head, and I hate myself for caring.”
“You don’t hate yourself,” she says, squeezing my fingers. “You’re hurt. There’s a difference. And you should be hurt. That was a really shitty thing for him to say to you.”
I blink away the tears. Mom never swears. I mean,never. So to hear her say that is such a shock.
“You’re human, sweetie,” she continues. “It’s all right to feel things. And it’s all right to be angry with him. You have every right to be angry at him for that. Especially because you weren’t the only one involved. It takes two to tango.”
I let out a shaky laugh, more from nerves than anything. “Yeah, well, I feel like an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot,” she says firmly, giving my hand another squeeze. “Did you want it to happen?”
“No.” I sigh. “Well, yes… and no. I don’t know. I wanted it, but I knew it couldn’t… I just don’t know, Mom. I don’t know how to feel, and I don’t know what I want.”
I stare down at the table, my throat tightening again. “It just… it felt good. Right. And for a second, I thought maybe…” I trail off, shaking my head. “Doesn’t matter what I thought. He made it very clear.”
Her voice softens. “It matters to you. That’s the whole point. You can tell yourself it’s nothing, but your heart clearly didn’t get the memo.”
I press my lips together, trying to keep from falling apart right here in the middle of a sunny café. “I don’t want him to know he hurt me. I don’t want him to have that kind of power.”
“That’s not power,” she says. “That’s being human. You can be hurt and still keep your dignity. You can be hurt and still move on. But pretending you feel nothing? That’s just dragging it out longer.”
I sigh, leaning back in my chair. “So what do I do?”
She smiles faintly. “You decide what you want. Then you do it. Sweetheart, I love your brother, but he’s as oblivious as they come.”
I frown at her. “What do you mean?”
Mom leans back, picking up one of her fries and twirling it between her fingers like she’s deciding whether to eat it or make a point with it. “I mean, that what’s obvious to other people isn’t to him. The boy wouldn’t notice a thunderstorm if he were holding an umbrella. If you want to keep it to yourself, you can. But if you want to try to sort things out with Ben, Jason’s not going to be the obstacle you think he is.”
I shake my head, a humorless little laugh slipping out. “You make it sound so simple.”
“It’s not simple,” she says, taking a bite of the fry. “It’s never simple when feelings are involved. But right now you’re letting fear make the decisions for you. Fear of what Jason might say,fear of what Ben already did say, fear of getting hurt worse than you already are.”
She swallows, setting the fry down. “That’s not you, Paige. You’ve never been afraid of hard work. Why would you be afraid of this?”
I look at her, wanting to argue, but the words don’t come. She’s not wrong. I can face down broken ovens, bad health inspections, and impossible deadlines. But this? This is different. This is my heart.
“I don’t even know if I want to fix it,” I admit quietly. “Part of me just wants to… forget it happened.”
“Then do that,” she says simply, but her gaze stays steady. “But if you can’t forget—and you clearly can’t—you owe it to yourself to deal with it. One way or another.”
The server swings by to check on us, and we both murmur that everything’s fine. I force myself to take another bite of flatbread, though my appetite’s mostly gone. Mom lets the silence hang for a minute, sipping her water, but I can still feel her attention on me.
“I’m not telling you to run over there and pour your heart out,” she says finally. “I’m telling you to be honest— with yourself first. Figure out if you’re more hurt because of what he said, or because you wanted it to mean something and it didn’t. Once you know that… then you’ll know what to do.”
I push a piece of tomato around my plate, nodding slowly. “And if what I want is to punch him in the face?”
Her mouth quirks. “Well, your father may be retired, but he’s still a damn good lawyer.” We both laugh. “Though I’d recommend starting with a conversation first.”
And just like that, I can breathe a little easier. But deep down, I know lunch isn’t going to change the fact that sooner or later, I’m going to have to face him. And I’m not ready for that. Not yet.
Chapter Sixteen
Ben
