Page 76 of The Widower
“Yes,” he said evenly. “My wife used to get unbearable during those days. Just like you are now.” He smiled, and damn it, that smile… it was beautiful, but it carried something heavy—sad, almost broken. “And yes, I deserved every word you threw at me.”
“You’ve got to be kidding. You’re not going to fire me?”
“You say that word so much, it’s starting to sound like you want me to.”
“No,” I shot back quickly. “I’m just saying I insulted you. And I’m still mad at you. Very mad.”
“It’ll pass.”
“It won’t!” I snapped again.
“There’s nothing I can do about it.I’m not going to change who I am.”
“And I’m not changing either!”
I was getting pretty good at arguing with him.
“Then stay that way. I don’t mind,” he said, already turning to leave.“You might not believe it, but I like your honesty.”
He disappeared down the hall before I could even react.
What the hell just happened here? Why is that man such a damn paradox?
COLIN ADAMS
No, I wouldn’t fire Isabelle for being honest with her words. I just wished she didn’t see so much of me in what she said.
No one’s to blame for my shitty days, and taking it out on people never does me any good.
I’ve never told anyone this, but I once saw a therapist—three months, to be exact. I thought it would help, and for a while, it did.
But after that false sense of relief, everything started to fall apart again. The more time passed, the less I could accept losing my daughter, and that’s when I stopped going to therapy.
I made a choice back then… though I could’ve been in a much better place by now.
My problem is rebellion. Yeah, I sound like a teenage troublemaker, always doing the opposite of what I’m told. I followed my therapist’s advice—just the wrong way around.
When he told me to go out, I shut myself in. When he said to have fun, I locked myself in my room. When he encouraged me to meet new people, I drowned in memories of the past.
You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. You end up wasting your time—and theirs. That’s how I felt back then, and honestly, it’s how I still feel about a lot of things now.
People think I’m complicated, that I go out of my way to push everyone away. But I know most of them understand that pain hits everyone differently, and that’s what sets our struggles apart.
What I still don’t know is how I’m supposed to become a better man—for my family and for the people around me.Right now, that feels impossible.
CHAPTER 18
“Sometimes the most impulsive actions turn out to be the best choices for those who need to prove something to themselves.”
COLIN ADAMS
I decided to take the first step. A risky one.
“I’m nervous. What’s going on?”
I still didn’t know why I was doing this—especially after calling Henry a few minutes ago. The cheerful one, of course.
I’d invited him over to my place, which was rare enough, since he’s the master of showing up unannounced. He knows damn well I’m not the kind of guy who invites anyone to anything.
