Page 418 of Small Town Firsts

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Miss Moon:

My mom found my dildo.

I almost drove off the road. Since I was in the dealership’s SUV for a weekend test drive, that would not have been good.

I waited to respond until I pulled up next to Dexter’s sleek vintage Mustang at Lonegan’s.

PMS: Did you tell her it was ornamental?

Miss Moon:

Like ur fountain?

Sure. Both utilize moisture.

Miss Moon:

U r an actual pig. A cute one, but a pig.

You should see if she could knit you a sock for your moon.

Miss Moon:

Actually, that’s a good idea. She does sleeves 4 the rl thing. They r a hot ticket item.

WHAT?

A picture came through of a knitted cylindrical-ish pouch in hot pink with a bulbous bottom…head in lime green.

That’s worse than a Pussy Papa. Also, who the hell buys that?

Miss Moon:

You’re sure you don’t want one? Pretty please?

No.

I pocketed my phone as I walked into Lonegan’s and bumped fists with my brother.

No women were in sight. At least anywhere near Dexter.

“Well, well, look who has a big-ass grin on his face. Is all fixed on the path to insanely fast true love? Did I mention insanely?”

I slid onto a stool beside him at the bar and motioned to the bartender, our old friend Callahan Brinkley. Tossing a towel over his shoulder, he smiled and held up a finger before gesturing to the customers he was serving.

“We’re making progress.”

Dex put a hand next to his ear. “Is that bells I hear?”

“Jealous?”

“I’m happy for you. You deserve a good woman, Pres. I mean that.”

I clapped his back. “Thanks, man.”

The corner of his mouth ticked up. “Plus, she’s imminently fuck?—”

At my arched eyebrow, he smiled smoothly. “Fucking fantastic.”

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