Page 213 of Small Town Firsts
This hadn’t ended yet. She’d be in my bed tonight, and if I was lucky, again and again after that.
For as many tomorrows as I could beg, borrow, and steal.
Our tongues tangled and she moaned as I cupped her cheek, tilting her head so I could take more. Always more. Her body curved into mine and I hooked my foot through hers, desperate to feel every part of her flush against me.
The sound of someone clearing his throat jerked us apart. I blinked away the Ally haze and shifted my gaze toward the stairs, somehow not surprised that my cat-quiet brother was standing there with one eyebrow winged up. Then he glanced around the family room, his frown deepening.
“If that’s truly sand, your contractor deserves a bad review on Yelp.”
THIRTEEN
“Are you Daddy’s girlfriend now?”
I stilled the backyard swing with my foot and turned toward Laurie. It was the end of a long day of children running, and laughing, and occasionally crying, usually after tripping on a toy or being denied something vitally important.
Like a second hot dog. Or a Transformer. Or for one little boy, not being allowed to take home the bunny we’d seen scampering through the yard.
That had led to Laurie once again asking for a puppy. Seth had said no, as he always did, but he was definitely weakening.
Softie.
I smiled and stopped fingering the ends of Laurie’s curls long enough to remember her question. Not the best time to zone out and think about Seth and floppy-eared puppies.
A quick glance at the back door told me Seth still wasn’t on his way back outside. He was probably eating a scoop of ice cream for every one he put in our bowls. We’d had cake earlier, of course, but the man had a sweet tooth for days.
Not that I could talk. I was starving. Again.
And I still hadn’t answered Laurie’s question.
“I’m still exactly what I always was to him, and to you.” I pushed off with my foot and the swing kicked into motion again. “Unless you don’t like what you saw today,” I said carefully, hoping I was just referring to that aborted kiss she’d witnessed outside the bathroom.
It certainly hadn’t been the only incidents of kissing or touching today. Seth couldn’t keep his hands off me for long. I wasn’t much better, especially when Tina sashayed past, her attention still far too focused on him. I’d had a lot of years of toning down my jealousy where Seth was concerned, but sleeping with him must’ve toggled off that switch because I’d found myself cleaving to his side more than once. Maybe it was the way he smiled down at me or brushed his hand over my hair or whispered something for my ears only. He’d always treated me as if I were special, and now that we were sleeping together, his attention was even more potent.
Even more dangerous.
Laurie fluffed out her sparkly purple skirt, her forehead wrinkled. I had a feeling she had something she wanted to say, but maybe didn’t know how.
I understood far too well, because I did too. Ever since Mr. Hamilton had put that stuff in my head about driving away Marjorie, I’d been full of guilt. I tried to dismiss it as just his way of getting me out of his son’s hair—and his bed. But maybe there was a kernel of truth.
“Honey, I hope you understand I’m not trying to take your mother’s place. I wouldn’t do that. You have your daddy, and he loves you so much, and I love you too, but?—”
“But not like my mom.” Her chin wobbled and I shifted toward her, my chest tightening until I couldn’t breathe.
“No, no, that’s not what I meant at all. I just meant I would never try to take her spot, to try to pretend I’m your mom, even though I’d like nothing better.” I swallowed over the lump in mythroat and reached for her small, chubby, popsicle-stained hand, squeezing it tightly. “Being your mom would have to be the best thing in the world.”
She stared hard at me, that wrinkle deepening and reminding me so much of Seth. “Then, why can’t you?”
Such a simple question, with such hard answers. The last thing I wanted to do was to give her false hope that her mom might come back into her life. From what I understood, that wasn’t going to happen. I also didn’t want to indicate I could fill that role. I didn’t know how to be a parent, which probably made this whole situation that much crazier. I so didn’t feel equipped to take care of anyone. Not even myself sometimes. After the years of caring for my mother, my reserves were low. I wasn’t sure I could provide for anyone else.
If we had a baby together, I’d be in that caretaking role all over again in a much more formal role than what I had now with Laurie. Did I want that?
Even as I asked the question, the answer came through loud and clear.
Yes.
Yes, I wanted a child. But rarely dating tended to limit one’s chances on finding someone to make that happen with.
Someoneelseanyway.
